I Am A Survivor--Savannah

My name is Savannah Vanessa Diaz. I am 18 years old. For 13 1/2 years of my life I was enduring trauma in every aspect you can think of. I am a survivor and this is my story.

From the moment I was able to crawl until I hit puberty, I was sexually abused and molested. I was enduring physical and emotional abuse. I was beaten until I could no longer move, I was yelled at until I became mute, I was “disciplined” until I was living in fear, and I was neglected until I lost an excessive amount of weight much too quickly. It was to the point where child protective services and the police got involved. My siblings & I would have to watch my mom be physically and mentally abused by someone who I do not call father nor dad. He left us with nothing and we were sleeping on the floor of someone’s garage with nothing to eat but cup of noodles and some crackers if we were lucky. We went from house to house and had to walk everywhere. I grew up at daycares, baby sitters, friend’s houses, anywhere I could be because we didn’t have a real place to call home. You see, a father is someone who helped conceive you however, in my opinion a dad is somebody who took care of you, helped you, and loved you. Someone who played catch with you or let you dress them up as a princess or ballerina, chuckled, and went along with it. It is a title that is earned, not given. When he left I blamed myself and asked myself why he didn’t love me and my family enough to stay. What I lacked

was self love. Self worth. I realized that in order to truly be happy and know love, I had to love myself first.
I was taught that love was fear. Abuse was okay and abuse was a way to show “love”. “I do it out of love”, he said. I blamed myself my entire life and I lived in fear with everything. From Child Protective Services, court cases, trials, therapy sessions, police pulling me out of school, police showing up at our doorstep, welfare offices, questioning, and so much more, I learned from a young age how to be strong. This is my story, but this is not who I am. I am a survivor.
When I was 14 years old, I was raped. I became numb to everything and lived in fear. I was traumatized even more and became depressed, angry, and lost. I was scared of everything and everyone. Therapy had helped me cope but it wasn’t until I completely turned my life to God and opened up did I completely heal. I let go and let God. I felt as though God had left me and made me endure everything bad in my life. It wasn’t until I hit a breaking point. One day I read a story entitled “Footprints in the Sand”. It speaks of this weary man who has endured so much and has felt that God deserted him when he needed Him most. The very last lines say:
“The LORD replied:
‘My son, My precious child, I love you and I would never leave you, During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.".

After reading this it made so much sense. I had read this at the exact time that I needed to hear it most. This is my story, but this is not who I am. I am a survivor.
When I was a sophomore in high school I began feeling lightheaded, weak, my body would randomly become in pain, and my body would go numb and I began blacking out. The pain continued only it worsened. I dealt with that for years only the issues escalated. Today, I continue to deal with those issues only they have worsened and more issues have occurred. I was diagnosed with Lupus, an autoimmune disease in which your body attacks itself, arthritis, anemia, and I recently came back positive for liver disease. I have practically lived at the hospital for a few years now. From appointments, check ups, blood work, to ER visits, my body continues to deteriorate. My tissues, muscles, and bones are slowly deteriorating and giving out on me. I have no control over it except to let go and let God. My organs are giving out on me and if I do not get a transplant I will not be around for very long. I still see the light in everything that I do. I still see God in everything and everywhere that I go. I try my best to smile through the physical, emotional, and mental trauma. I know that pain is temporary and everything will turn out to be just how it is meant to be. I have gotten through so much and I know that God will continue to bring me through this battle of mine again. This is my story, but this is not who I am. I am a survivor.
I am a survivor of life’s toughest trials. I am a survivor of my own demons. I am strong. I am beautiful. I am valuable. I am me. No one can ever take that piece of mind away from me. I am a survivor.