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Monday, May 7, 2018

And So I Lie Here...--Brendan


There we stood shoulder to shoulder on that cool summer day, amongst the rolling grassy hills, amongst the tall swaying grass, amongst the hypnotic dance of the poppy flowers that lay about. O how the cool wind blew against our crimson blue uniforms, with our nation's flag flowing so elegantly with the accompanying wind. How the sun shown on us that day, how it glistened on our glorious flag, exemplifying the beauty of our nations flag and very country. Made one glad to be a fellow countrymen of this joyous land. How the birds sang their siren songs overhead, but there we stood shoulder to shoulder. With our coal black boots against the swaying green grass, how they pushed against our uniforms, as if begging us to stay. There we stood shoulder to shoulder. All was calm all was nice. Eventually the symphony came to a close, the cool wind refused to blow, the poppies paused their harmonic dance, the grass stopped their cheerful swaying along with their delicate touch, and the birds over head retreated away along with their charming songs. All was quiet. Eventually the order was barked to fix bayonets, clunky and speedy clickings were soon followed along with the stumbling of hands. But how the silver razors glistened in the sun over head, as if halos hovering above. There we stood shoulder to shoulder with glistening halos overhead. All was quiet once again... the banshee screech of a whistle broke the silence, and without hesitation we all dashed forward. O how we charged across that field, as if a raging river, O you should have seen us that day. The pounding of feet and glorious yell of men soon engulfed the field, what a glorious sight it was. Each step we took we came closer and closer to a hill...yes a hill...but this hill was... dark... the sun refused to touch this lone piece of Earth that we slowly advanced towards. The thick daunting twisting trunks of trees concealed the hill... Closer and closer we came to this hill, each step was just another meter towards this hill. Then, suddenly, the bone chilling popping of machine gun fire filled the air. Soon I could just hear myself, no glorious yell of my countrymen around me, no pounding of boots of thousands, no..just me, just the pounding of my feet against the grassy hill, just the fast pace beat of my breathing. It was just me, It was just me alone charging towards this hill, It was just m.............................................................
And so I lie here against the swaying grass. The glorious yell of men are now defaning screams. I look about only to see the torn remains of what were once my fellow countrymen...my friends. I see my beautiful flag riddled with holes and tears, lying lifelessly on the ground...just like myself. I feel...a pain...I reach over to feel the left half of my chest only to be welcomed with the warm crimson red sign of death and a hole straight through...straight through the heart. This pain is different, it is not in one area but all around me, throughout my whole body. How it sinks to my very core! I scream but no shout is heard. The tears start to stream down my face....I lost...I failed. I desperately turn to my left and right hoping someone is with me, but there is no one, just the violent mournful dance of the poppies. And so I lie here, And so I lie he....................................................................................

16 comments:

  1. Talk about a tone shift, you lured me in and that switch up to fighting and combat surprised me. I love the imagery you set up in the beginning to paint the scene perfectly. -Behrouz K. P.5

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  2. Very good usage of imagery and diction. It seems like an archaic piece which give me chills. Great job!.

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  3. Wow, I don't know where to start with this piece! This is amazing, and the way that I felt invested in the story, and I was able to get an image of the surroundings of this whole event; there is so many great things about this piece that I really enjoyed reading it.

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  4. The contrast between peaceful pastoral imagery against gruesome scenes of war and violence really solidifies this piece. The tone shifts also emphasize how quickly and dramatically war can destroy peace and tranquility.

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  5. I really enjoyed the detail and imagery in your piece. It really added character and pulled me in to read more. Its very unique from the others I have read so far, Great work!

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  6. I enjoyed the detail and use of imagery within your piece. The use of imagery really helps feel more connected within the story.
    - Natalee D.

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  7. Good use of imagery and diction and the shift was really good. I enjoyed how at the beginning you talked about the flag and how it was so string and elegant yet at the end it was fallen and torn. I found it a good central point that emphasized what was happening and what the narrator was feeling

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  8. I love the time shifts in the story. It really speaks for itself. Creative piece!

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  9. Really good use of vocabulary and the use of details towards the passage. The first sentences got my attention of how you described the setting, it really brought it to life and wanted to continue reading this!! Good Job and keep up the good work! :) AYYEE! -Ian Mendoza

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  10. I loved to use of imagery in this writing and how you suddenly shifted over to a dark desperate tone away from a positive filled one.

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  11. Because of your use of such vivid imagery, I felt I was actually there alongside the narrator in a field of poppies, able to witness the pastoral setting. It scares me how real the events in your piece felt, as I have several friends joining the Armed Forces shortly after high school. Overall, great piece!
    -Lauren Whightsil

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  12. The imagery was amazing which made this piece very enjoyable to read. Great Job - Jonathan Castillo

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  13. I loved the imagery you used throughout the piece, i felt as if i was there. I really enjoyed reading this.

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  14. I loved your use of imagery in this piece, it enchanced your piece in so many ways. Great job! -Daniel Recinos Per. 4

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  15. The use of repetition, and imagery sets the various tone of the story. Your use of diction in the piece allows the audience to feel as if they were in the setting with the narrator. Great job!

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  16. I love how you enhanced the story with imagery, great job! -Kylee

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