What do I always say when the crap hits the fan?
Make a list of what is going on and possible end scenarios. Okay, let’s do that.
1. The Museum is most definitely on fire.
2. The ceiling is falling apart
3. Smoke is quickly filling the air
BOOM!
Oh, and something behind me just exploded.
Fantastic.
Well, time for the possible end scenarios:
Run.
Panic.
Not wanting to sound like a hypocrite, sprinting towards the part of the building that is least likely to crush and/or kill me seems like the best bet. Luckily, that part of the museum is the fire escape with my name written all over it. Just have to get out of here and I'm golden.
“Someone! Please!”, crap, hand on the door and someone just had to go and add more plot to this story. Running back to where the voice came from, two figures come into view behind the smoke. “Please help!” a male voice called to me, “It’s my little sister, she's trapped behind this stupid exhibit” looking up, I see one of those mock space satellites that used to hang in the ceiling, but is now partially collapsed and blocking the hallway.
Looking at the hunk of metal, I usher for the brother to follow my lead “I think we can lift this panel upHEY KID!” I call out to the sister “me and big bro here are gonna get you out! I need you to dash outta there once you have enough room!”.
Not waiting for a response, I turn to the brother, “okay, on go, we pull up on this panel ready? Go! Kid, c’mon!” God, this thing is heavy, but a dash and a roll later and brother and sister were reunited. It'd be a happy moment, if it weren't for the fact that this whole place was coming down in a burning hellfire. “Hate to break it to you two, but I really think we should get out of here.” BOOM “Like, now”. “He's right, let's go, Sophie” grabbing his sister’s hand, we make a mad dash for the exit. I really think this whole thing will go over smoothly.
CRASH
“ GAAAHHhh!” …
Me and my big mouth. Turning around I see a part of the ceiling fell and brother’s leg has been pinned under a beam. Adding insult to injury or… further injury to an already existing injury, he’s also unconcious. Pushing the beam aside, I hoist him on my back and usher Sophie to the fire escape. Hopefully there I can find some fireman or paramedic for this guy.
“Help! Someone! I’ve got a little girl and an injured ma” the words die in my mouth as i look around me at what was happening. Blood running cold, not at the chaos going around me but at the complete and utter lack of things happening. No one, and I mean no one, was around the entire block was abandoned and, other than the burning building, nothing else was going on. Where is everyone? I wonder to myself walking down the street, an injured man on my back and his little sister trailing behind.
“Um….” a small voice behind me meekly states. “He’s bleeding”. Looking down at his leg, a piece of wood pokes through his pant leg.
“Oh fu” glancing at Sophie “ture problems of mine, we need to get him patched up now, c’mon Sophie, I think there’s a pharmacy up ahead, we can patch your brother up there”. Picking up the pace, we enter the pharmacy. “Hello~!” calling out to the pharmacy “I have an injured man here!
Please! We need help!” after a moment of no response, I’ve decided to take matters into my own hands. “Sophie, I need you to find me some bandages, can you do that for me? I’m going to help your brother” setting him down and walking to the back room, I manage to find a bottle of penicillin and hydrogen peroxide. Seeing as I don’t trust myself with the names of any of the other bottles on the shelf, this would have to do. Making my way back to where Sophie was sitting next to her brother. Facing Sophie, “Alright Soph, I’m just going to clean your brother’s wound with peroxide, crush up some penicillin and sprinkle it onto his wound, wrap it up in this bandage and he should be fine” turning back around, I feel a small pair of arms wrap around my waist.
“Thank you, so much” a muffled voice speaks into my back. Despite the situation we’re in, I can’t help but smile “No problem, kid”
~~~~~~
A few hours later, both Sophie and her brother were fast asleep, I decide to check out the street outside. Walking down the street a few feet, a chill goes up my spine. You know that feeling, the feeling where you really shouldn’t look around? That’s me right at this moment. “Good job with the medicine, by the way” a voice speaks behind me. I can’t move. “Too bad it will be all for naught” the voice continues. I can’t speak.
“I’m sorry to say, but the story ends here” fighting harder, I manage to break through the odd trance I was in. Behind me was a man, a man that made me quake to the very core. Choking out “What is going on?” took all of my willpower. “Who are you?” “Who am I is of no importance, but what is important is that this will all be over soon” the man rumbles out. “ I believe it was T.S Eliot who said “This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but a whimper” because that is how this world will end, quietly” Seeing the fear in my eyes, the man chuckles “None of this is real! You are fictional! The story ends!” seeing my disbelief, he asks: “Don’t believe me? Tell me, what is your name?”
Great story man you had me confused a little but I liked your humor and how the main character narrated the story. I liked the twist at the end too nice touch great job.
ReplyDelete:( Can I Get a sequel
ReplyDeleteIt was easy to read in the sense that there was something new happening every other line... Good job!
ReplyDelete-Marissa Putrick
This was very well written, I like how I felt like I was right beside the characters as they were going through the whole thing. Nice descriptive imagery and plot twist, Good job! - Aileen Munoz
ReplyDeleteKinda confusing at the beginning but I guess that fits the situation.The rest of the story is thrilling and reminds me of various end of the world movies. -Brian Rojas
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your use of diction and the way you captured the scenes in the story. Although, I have to admit the end confused me a little bit, but it definitely has me thinking. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting story. It wasn't until the end were a started to get a grasp as to what was going on. Truthfully I'm still not too sure, but there's no denying the fact that this piece was intense from start to finish. The detail and narration definitely built the magnitude of this work. great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a well-written story with lots of great humor. I especially like the twist at the end. Great job!
ReplyDeleteNice little twist of just throwing readers right into the story without much background, but still kept it interesting! I love the main character's sense of humor.
ReplyDeleteMy mind exploded a tiny bit haha! Very confusing and actually made my heart race slightly.
ReplyDeleteAnd..is the name Francis? :3
Good job!
-Brianna Schulz, Period 4
I really enjoyed your writing style and humor throughout the story. It feels like the main character is talking to us the whole time.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really deep and really had me thinking with that last line about how the world would end. Great piece and keep up the great work! :)
ReplyDeleteThat was awesome! I loved the suspense and it could definitely qualify as the next big blockbuster movie.
ReplyDeleteDoes it only count as a fourth wall break when the character willingly addresses the audience or would what you did at the end count? I appreciate the spacing in your story made it very easy to read while on the computer. Thank you for the submission.
ReplyDeleteWow!!!! This was so intense. I enjoyed how his thoughts were included for the comic relief to the drama was happening. I also enjoyed the suspense of the unknown towards the end. This piece left me with so many questions, is this even real? Who is the guy speaking? What's going to happen to the big brother?, where is everybody?
ReplyDeletegreat job lol but i wanted more:(
ReplyDeleteThe pacing in this definitely added to the suspense and slightly uneasy feel of the piece. Good job!
ReplyDeleteReminds me of a game with a rude narrator. I wish there was some sort of redemption for the main character at the end, but its not real right? Good work Francis
ReplyDeleteAmazing story! Great use of suspense towards the end.
ReplyDeleteA bit confusing in the beginning, but overall, a great piece. I truly enjoyed your diction and description. The piece is thrilling and intense. Well written, great job!
ReplyDelete-Jerelle Medina, Period 3
I enjoyed the piece. I liked the sarcastic possibilities at the beginning of the story, made me chuckle.Also, the suspense you added to the story was very well done.
ReplyDeleteThis was a really detailed story you were telling and I was able to imagine parts of it in my head. Good job
ReplyDelete-Celeste Martinez
I love your writing style. I dont know what it is but I want more :>
ReplyDeleteI have to say that was very amusing to read. There was lots of action and then a plot twist came out of nowhere to change the whole story. Then the part where he saved the girl and the boy was cool. good job
ReplyDeleteI can tell how passionate you were while writing this! Its great.
ReplyDeleteGreat job I liked how you told the readers about the felling falling down and how specific you were
ReplyDeleteGreat job I liked how you told the readers about the felling falling down and how specific you were
ReplyDeleteThis was an easy read and thank you for that. It was interesting too and got my brain running so I could read faster to find out what was going to happen. Nice work.
ReplyDeleteThat was SO great!!! I was intrigued the entire time and I was sad when it was over because I wanted more.
ReplyDelete-Sienna Carbajal
Its just like a movie, about to escape, oh no have to save someone, about to escape, have to go back again... It's funny but oddly serious especially at the end. Great job! -Luke Riddington
ReplyDeleteThe structure of your story is extremely unique and fun to read overall. The mysterious figure at the end was a very unexpected plot twist, and he adds more mystery to the story that just makes me want more! Intense submission my man.
ReplyDeleteI like the way we were just thrown into the story, slightly confusing but nonetheless a great piece! I like the bits of humor and detail, great job.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece. I like these types of fiction; it reminded me of the Matrix and how Quentin Tarintino directs his movies. The ending was an acceptable ending, but it still left you wanting more.
ReplyDelete-Anthony Giliberto Jr.
Amazing work! This piece was very dynamic, with a tone that makes his situation- although hopefully we have to never experience it- relateable. This piece felt interactive and engaging, with a well done sudden transition to a twist ending. No good deed goes unpunished, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteGood job on the story, I loved how different things just kept on happening on each line!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the surprising twist at the end. Very suspenseful and the ending caught me by surprise. Great Job with the piece I loved your sentence structure.
ReplyDelete-Nahome Woldearegay
Extremely great. Amazing
ReplyDeleteunlike anything i think ive read here great job! way to be original
ReplyDelete-Bobby
HAHAHAHA FRANCIS YOU'RE SUCH A WILD GUY. I loved all the humor, semi-profane language, and exciting onomatopoeia such as "BOOM" and "CRASH." It all worked together very well to create an exciting and fun atmosphere, but what really makes the story shine is how it's all juxtaposed with the dire nature of the plot. Excellent work, always reach for the stars because YOU'RE A STAR.
ReplyDelete-Christopher Trevino Period 3
I enjoyed reading your story it was a very interesting concept. I liked your humor throughout the story and that plot twist in the end made me question everything, overall nice job :)
ReplyDelete-Kathlyn Juarez
WOE!!! That was intense!!! So much suspense and so much destruction, I loved it! I loved the comic relief and your characters reactions to the life threatening situation he was facing. He started off only worrying about himself, then all of a sudden became the hero and saved two lives. Very well written and the twist a the end was completely unexpected.
ReplyDeleteit was confusing at first, but i loved how you added comedy to this piece to tie in what we've been learning in class lately. i also really like when authors write as if they're talking to the audience when they're story telling, it makes it seem more personal and as if i was there.
ReplyDeleteA very different style of writing. Loved it !
ReplyDeleteI'm not gonna lie, I could have used a little help from a SparkNotes for the beginning but after I caught on to your style of writing, it was honestly elevated to the utmost extent. Very great job!
ReplyDeleteOverall great story I love how you writing style and use of diction great story that I enjoyed reading especially the ending you did a good job
ReplyDeletevery suspensful. so intense, loved it. great job.
ReplyDeleteOnce again another piece with vivid imagery that allows the reader to completely envision the setting and become one with the literary environment.
ReplyDeletethis was such an interesting story, creative plot!
ReplyDeleteYour narration proved to make the already exhilarating story that much more enjoyable. The method in which you depicted these scenes of hysteria and panic truly bring the whole story together. Good Job.
ReplyDeleteWow that was a really good piece. The buildup in the story kept me on my toes and it was a pleasure to read your piece.
ReplyDelete-Jeremiah Eugenio
The characters inner narration during the chaotic situation made the story so funny and it was still intense. Then it got all crazy and the world's ending and then cliffhanger. My goodness that was a wonderful wild ride.
ReplyDeleteWow that was the coolest ending I've read so far! Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI liked how you used your own voice within the narrator with the sarcastic and funny remarks, yet also keeping the story suspenseful all the way till the end. Good Job!
ReplyDelete