Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Rayna--Year 2070: Punishment by Virtue of the King
A man was wrapped in himself in the fetal position. His knees almost touching his chin and his hands tucked into the center of this. Clothing was a single shade of gray, his shoes torn and the same shade of gray. If you were to see his face, as he seemed to be sleeping, you could see the purple from the rings of fatigue burrowing themselves under his eyes. The creases in his skin were as deep as someone of an eighty or so age, but the thickness of his eyebrows and the way his dark chestnut beard grew in, he could have been no more than thirty. But there was torture embedded in every cell of his being. His surroundings were stark white. A gray blob among a sea of white. The walls were tall and there were no visible signs of a door. If one were to be in this “room”, they could look up, say about the distance of a Sequoia tree, and there would be slightly visible black glass rimming the top of this “room”. Only those kept inside really knew what this place was. If as on a deliberate schedule, a small, short, and almost too sweet, bell rang. At first clearly audible, but then it flowed to a higher frequency before shutting off. The walls seemed to be on the same schedule, because as soon as the bell stopped, a black ink spread from the center of each wall and the floor. Spreading, similarly to a heart pumping crimson blood to each of the veins, capillaries, and arteries it needed to, until everything was black. Soon, the next sequence began, an image bloomed from the walls. Greenery and trees seemed to have been placed in the room, and around the man. A small creek even appeared, trickling down the edge, extremely audible. A breeze even found its way through the trees, causing leaves to break away from their homes and float. As if on another cue, the gray man from the floor woke up. His knees slowly straightening out, his hands away from his body in a defensive manner. His lids peeled open to reveal green eyes, but where it would have usually been white on the orbs, was a yellow tint and wide red veins. The man’s head progressively started to shake side to side, as if to say “no”. His mouth started to mouth the same thing. The mouthing soon turned into audible whispers, then soon long, drawn out, ear ringing “NO”s. Hands started to move around until they found their way to wrap around his ears and fingers resting in his hair. There was a rustle in the foliage. A woman appeared. Her dress resembling that of the original walls, white, which was contrasting well against her golden skin, and flowed well behind her along with her long, dark hair. Her eyes glistened and her smile soft. Her face naturally well blushed, looking as though so soft that she washed it with milk and honey. She seemed to be the sweetest thing coming from this situation. In her hands she carried a mango and what seemed to be a wooden bowl of water. The man saw her and instantly ceased to say “No” anymore. He fell to his knees as she approached him. Head still shaking no, but his mouth was pursed shut. This artificial scene had become real in the matter of moments. She placed the mango at his mouth, as his lips parted to take a bite, the breeze turned into a gust of wind which ripped through the trees. The woman made of gold, crushed the mango in her fist and dropped the water on the floor. A maniacal laugh erupted from the woman’s soft demeanor. The scene soon started to rush backwards, everything moving at hundreds of miles per hour but the human beings. The green speeding behind them, as from one side of the room it began to grow white again. The man, on his knees, tried to salvage the mango and the water until that was too gone. All five of his sense were touched but the ripped away from him. The woman, leaned in, placed a kiss on the man’s forehead before soon too disappearing, as if though she never existed. Screams then crawled from what to seem the bottom of the man’s soul. Before having collapsed into the center of the, now, white room, he looked up to the black glass windows. His eyes almost completely bloodshot, and a single “Damn you!” escaped from his mouth. Behind the windows, stood a man, in which only he could see out but the tortured soul below could not see him. A smile creeped onto his mouth as a blue glow shined on his face, which almost resembling the man’s below. Yet, his beard was clean cut, his skin almost porcelain, and his eyes a healthy shade of blue and white. His all black suit rested neatly against his body. He spoke, slowly at first while the smile stayed
on his face, “Day 73, prisoner responded, again,” he started to head out of the all black room, the last words were spoken with the background noise of the prisoner’s screams, “Welcome to the Prison of Tantalus”
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I really like the title of your piece. For some reason the whole "by Virtue of the King" part has me thinking about Birdman: the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance, which is an awesome movie. And this is an awesome piece of writing. Good job.
ReplyDeleteI really like the title of your piece. For some reason the whole "by Virtue of the King" part has me thinking about Birdman: the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece. The detail you used made the story very interesting and I kept wanting to know more about the prisoner. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThe title is honestly what drew me in. This was very intense and you were very descriptive and I could picture everything in this piece. Great job.
ReplyDeleteI really liked the plot of this story, and I also loved your detail. Your vocabulary you used in the story was so amazing and I really did enjoy the story. Great job :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this post. Your use of imagery and diction is outstanding and it was like a little movie in my head.
ReplyDeleteI find it ironic how this is set in 2070 yet I think of Greek mythology when I read this. It reminds me it's the story of the man who went to hades to bring his wife back but lost her in the end. No one will ever have a problem with trying to visualize this piece in their head.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your work. I had fun reading it.
This was just incredible. I really was able to imagine it all with your incredible use of diction and imagery.
ReplyDeleteInteresting title! I really enjoyed this story and the whole concept behind it. Awesome job on your descriptions, they are very well written and are part of what made me want to keep reading and find out where this guy is. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteyou can can almost feel just how bad the trapped man feels through your almost expert use and method of conveying detail and imagery.
ReplyDeleteRayna, this was spectacular! I was completely entranced by your story the whole way through. Your use of detail and description allowed me to envision everything and I absolutely loved reading this. Great job!
ReplyDelete