Anxiously swinging my legs, I waited impatiently for this moment, one that had been lingering in the back of my mind all weekend. My eyes track Mr. Schaina's leisurely stride around the room as if staring him down would make my calculus test jump to the top of the seemingly endless pile of papers. As his direction changes towards my table, my heart nearly jumps out of my chest. He slides my test face down, and I brace myself for whatever score is written. As I turn the page over, I see a happy face drawn in the top right corner – a smiling face made of red ink, a mocking indication of a score less than perfect. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the star-covered papers of my classmates, a sight that destroyed any pride in my smiley face. Who knew stars and smiley faces would have such an impact on my fragile ego. My sense of self-worth, damaged by simple, childish doodles. Since when did I start tying my intelligence, worth, and self-esteem to something as miniscule as validation? More importantly, why have I?
According to Merriam-Webster, validation is the act, process, or instance of validating. (Not very helpful, Mr. Webster.) As we continue down the dictionary chain of words to their roots, it defines validating as recognizing, establishing, or illustrating the worthiness or legitimacy of. Aha. There it is. The key word that makes the mind crave validation: worthiness. We experience the desire for validation in almost every aspect of our daily lives. Constantly refreshing Instagram to see if the number of likes on your last story went up. Patiently waiting for someone to compliment a project you have poured hours of heart and soul into. Willingly drowning in AP classes in hopes others will view you as more competent than you actually are.
It's almost as if validation were a drug, plaguing our minds until we can no longer feel confident in ourselves without it. It has the remarkable ability to provide us a temporary escape from our deepest fears and insecurities. Perhaps that is why we have become so dependent on validation. We want to be seen, be heard, and, most of all, be worth something. With any drug comes its list of harmful side effects, and validation is no exception. Dan Reznichenko puts it best: "In the pursuit of academic, professional, aesthetic validation, we abuse our minds and bodies through overwork." In the deluded hunt for validation, we throw all consideration for our health, both mental and physical, out the window. The sheer number of all-nighters, skipped meals, and ditched social outings we endure in hopes of a few words of praise and recognition are slowly killing us; our bodies and minds crumbling under the pressure of such an unhealthy lifestyle. Why are we so willing to sacrifice ourselves for a few superficial compliments?
That is all validation is: surface-level praise with no real meaning. You can look at a project and assume the person who made it put in much time and effort, but how realistic is that? For all we know, they could have thrown it together in an hour and got it done just to get it done. If you were to compliment that project, you would be only fueling that person's poor work ethic. Cementing a lousy habit into their life as they believe doing the bare minimum will achieve some praise. Rather than relying on validation, we must acknowledge our own efforts. Instead of putting myself down because I failed to score a perfect grade, I should have been proud that I scored high enough to earn a smiley face. Even if I do not receive compliments for my work, at least I know that what I put forth was made from my blood, sweat, and tears. Small victories build self-confidence, a confidence that should be unwavering against minor attacks on our self-worth. Even if it seems virtually impossible to stop that continuous pining for validation, we have to start somewhere before we all come crashing down. Afterall, we are in a race to the top, not the bottom.
Definition of Validation - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/validation
Definition of Validating - https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/validating
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