Fear. The feeling that keeps us up at night. The uncertainties and questions we don’t want to know the answers to. The chill that runs up your spine while watching a scary film. It is the most primal emotion ingrained in our human psyche. When we are young, our fears are creatures we see in movies, dark shadows in our closets, and gigantic hairy spiders. Our parents console us, reassuringly turning on the lights to prove no creepy clowns are hiding behind the coat hanger, zombies don’t exist, and most spiders fear us. We believe our parents, and for the most part, overcome our fears. This remains true until we grow older when our fears become more complex, debilitating, and real. Fears such as loneliness, failure, death, love, and pain are difficult to ignore and motivate many of our decisions. Fear has existed since the beginning of time, and it has played a vital role in our survival. Fear helps us learn and avoid dangerous situations in the future. However, despite its adaptive function, fear can interfere with our daily lives and prevent us from living the way we want if it becomes too intense or persistent. It can manifest itself in a variety of ways, ranging from mild physical symptoms to severe psychological distress. Fear is a feeling I know all too well.
It’s September 28th, 2016, and my birthday is in exactly 5 days. The Wednesday before the best day of the year. The only day of the year that really matters, besides Halloween and Christmas. I get through my school lessons just like any other day, but today, my mind is pierced at the exact moment lunch begins. After we are dismissed, I rush towards my new friends, eager to inform them of my party on Sunday. My heart is pounding in my chest as they sit at their seats as normal, and I squeeze into the seat on the edge of the table. I devour my lunch to make time for my appeal. I assure myself, I won’t be left by myself on my birthday, so long as everything goes according to plan. I take a deep breath. It must be perfect.
“Hey, guys!” I exclaim, hoping to get everyone’s attention. A few of them sheepishly turn their heads away from their lunches and look at me with torpor. “As you may know, my birthday is coming up in a few days, and I would like to invite you ALL to my slumber party on Sunday!” I rummage through my bag and grab out a fistful of letters.
“Here are your invitations, please let me know if you can’t make it,” I say in the tone I recited. I pause. Silence fills up our table, and I begin to feel nauseous. Doubt plagues my heart. My eyes well up, but I blink my thoughts away. Much to my horror, I realize, I wish I had never uttered those words.
“I can’t go, I have a soccer game on Sunday,” says Mila.
“My mom doesn’t allow me to go to sleepovers,” says Kiera.
“I have church on Sunday, I won’t be allowed,” Samantha chimes in.
“That’s okay, I completely understand,” I muster.
“ I can’t go either, sorry,” says Adrianna.
“I can’t go to other people’s houses,” says Madison.
“Yeah me too,” says Ava.
“ I have something I’ve got to go to on Sunday,” says Chloe.
“Oh… okay” I whisper. Before I looked up, they all left the table without another word. My heart is throbbing through my chest, and I find that I am unsure what I will tell my mom when she asks about the invitations. I feel frozen in my seat. My greatest fear has been confirmed. I helplessly pick up the letters dropped to the ground, wondering if this is how the rest of my life will be. Were they all just busy? Did I pick the wrong day for the party? Were any of them telling the truth? Are they still my friends? Am I alone?
I traipse back to class in terror, wanting to take back this entire day, and never invite anyone in the first place.
Mark Twain once said, “Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” Fear is not an emotion we can forever allow to limit us, but it is also not something we should ignore. I did not know much about fear when I was only 9 years old, but I did know that I was afraid. I was at a brand new school that year, and I was hopeful that it would be just as good as my last school. That was not the case, and I was not entirely aware of it until the year had almost passed. I had many years ahead of me before I realized that I would not belong everywhere, and that it is perfectly okay to be afraid, but that I cannot allow that fear to consume me.
According to an article by Harvard Medicine, in less than 100 milliseconds, signals from the amygdala alert our bodies to become afraid, making us ready to fight, freeze, or flee. Our entire organism responds to danger before we can even comprehend it. The Smithsonian magazine suggests that fear creates distraction, whether as a negative or positive experience. Fear is a high arousal state, meaning that whether we get a chill down our spine or are completely terrorized, the body will respond with a knee-jerk reaction to protect us. In the end, what we must decide for ourselves when we are afraid, is whether or not we will be limited by it, or be pushed to our greatest potential.
Menting, A. M. (n.d.). The Chill of Fear. Harvard Medicine Magazine. https://magazine.hms.harvard.edu/articles/chill-fear
Magazine, S. (2017, October 27). What happens in the brain when we feel fear. Smithsonian.com. https://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/what-happens-brain-feel-fear-18 0966992/
Other quotes about fear:
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” -Franklin D. Roosevelt
“A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a shortcut to meet it.” - J.R.R. Tolkien
“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.” -Yoda
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