Hello my Stranger--Kate

 

A year ago I distinctly remember this event. I exit the stall in the women’s restroom in a restaurant and

upon approaching the sink, an elderly Asian woman hovers over the counter. The woman calmly stared at

the chill water streaming down her hands as the faucet ran but oddly enough, her persona presented

safety and comfort in ways that I cannot convey in words but what must be simply felt. As I advanced

closer to her to wash my hands, she fixed her gaze upon the image of me in her mirror only as a result of

glancing up. Following turning on the water, I saw the woman begin to laugh quietly. Without engaging in

eye contact, she said to me, “I’m so full.” I replied, “Me too! But it’s too good to stop haha.” At this moment,

we both looked at each other. Her eyes examined me, neither characterized by judgment nor criticism but

rather appreciation. The woman’s mouth began to curl upward and her amiable smile resonated with mine

that I initially offered her. Her voice, a voice initially hushed which mumbled incomprehensible words now

conversed with broken English but nonetheless happy. Our conversation, though short but sweet, sadly

came to an end in less than 4 minutes. She asked me, “Are you Chinese?” I chuckled and replied, “No I’m

not.” She blushed, expressing a tender smile and responded, “Oh I see. You’re very cute.” Those were the

last words I heard from this stranger as she walked out of the gray restroom back into the public area filled

with the chatter from rows of tables of people dining in, never to be seen by me again.

Connection. What prompts us to connect with someone else? What alters a stranger’s purpose to us from

someone of no importance to one that we cannot let go? My MBTI assessment (personality test) results in

“INFJ” with regards to high emphasis on the “F,” feeling. I envy those who bargain and calculate their

judgements simply on logic; logic in the sense of being assessed based on strict principles defined by

validity, the science of reasoning and deduction. But after that moment, I realized the extent of my

feelings and my love of interacting with others. To many, true connection is difficult. To differ in mindset

and goals is to be disconnected from one another but to be identical is to be lackluster. As someone who

weighs heavily on adoration, infatuation, sentiment, and affection, an emotional connection is simple but

the value is what makes it secure. Romantic and platonic relationships (friends, lovers, family, etc.) are all

forged by affection and constructed I believe not on trust, but on the extent of our fondness. For those who

hold themselves to the standard of logic and reason, I ponder how. Although one can attempt to maintain

consistency and honesty, in the end change is inevitable, for better or for worse. As I’ve lived with myself

over the years, I understand what connection is to me. It is not endless trust nor security nor painless, it’s

the feeling of being cherished and adoring those who you suppose are deserving of your attention,

regardless if it's reciprocated. In a perfect world, everyone is connected with each other and pain is a

fantasy but reality scribes a different tale.

I build relationships with people not because of what they may offer to me, but what I can achieve for

them. Simply replying to a stranger was enough to induce a smile; for that one moment, those four brief

minutes, her happiness was mine. My contentment prospers when I am able to prompt positive emotions in

others. There is no guarantee that one will exert an equal amount of intimacy towards you but if you truly

value an attachment to someone, you should not be expectant of gaining something in return. One shall

love unconditionally. I’m not insinuating that connection can be actualized by only one party, but rather

our intentions must be wholehearted in order for it to be true; otherwise, are you only connecting with

someone because it benefits yourself? Associating with someone does not have to target our deepest

scars and heartbreaks but plainly agreeing that the food we both had eaten was delicious. The effects of

connecting with someone may be defined by time but the impact does not have to go unnoticed. A

compliment, a hello, and a laugh all have the ability to consequent a warmth within the most guarded of

hearts. As I end my narrative, you may label me as unrealistic and illusory but I prefer the word optimistic.

Habitually, I entertain my fantasies by slight reasons of anxiety and what one can merely label as hope,

accepting finite disappointment but nevermore losing infinite expectation. Accept actuality while taking

heed of purpose. H.C. Paye once said, “I’d rather love a million times and have my heart broken every time

than hold a permanently empty heart forever.”

To the lovely lady I had met and connected with in a blink of an eye, I wish you wonders to come, and

thank you for saying hello even though we ended in goodbyes.