Little Girl--Berry

 

Little girl, where did you go? I miss you, I really do, every part. I miss your innocent, lovely look at this big, scary world. I miss your compassionate, sympathetic hugs, I miss your genuine laughs, I miss you........God knows I miss you. Everyday I search for that little girl, that little happy girl who didn’t know anything, who didn’t care about this scary world, who didn’t care about what people said. She wasn’t afraid to be loud, or to love, and most importantly she knew how to live. The little girl with glasses bigger than her face could hold and braces to hold her perfectly imperfect smile. This little girl didn’t care that the world would judge her for being her. The saddest part is that she didn’t really know what to expect and the world took her by surprise. This little girl is not so little anymore, she’s just “girl” now. This girl is quiet and reserved, afraid of what the world will think of her, afraid of being judged for being “different”. This girl changes herself to fit the world’s view of “perfection.” This girl puts on makeup and does her nails just to “fit in.” This girl spends hours finding the perfect dress so they’ll like her. She prioritizes what the world thinks of her and who they want her to be over her values and who she really is. This “girl” looks in the mirror everyday wanting to be more, wanting to be called beautiful even though deep down she’s “wonderfully and fearfully made.” This “girl” puts up a facade everyday pretending to be okay but is not.....she fights a silent battle that rips pieces of her everyday. This “girl” is tired of the voices in her head, one of which she calls “depression.” Inside her it rips her, choking her, inflicting so much misery that she just wants to close her eyes, stop fighting and let go. This “girl” is tired because despite being around people she feels lonely. This girl wishes you understood because instead of crying to you, she cries with the pen and paper in her hand. She feels so isolated but manages to make everything seem perfect. This girl resorts to her headphones as her safe space, because when she puts them on the world goes quiet for a moment, almost peaceful. She searches for that little girl hoping to God she isn’t gone, a part of her hopes “little girl” is still in there somewhere, a part of her wants to feel again.....This “girl,” is at the edge ready to give up, at her breaking point but she heard that voice, that calm, peaceful, lovely voice say “Don’t give up, have faith.” This “girl” with no faith believed, her small faith created big things. “If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, move from here to there, and it will move.” She began to have trust that things will get better, she grew, not caring about what they thought of her anymore. She began to be happy, back to seeing the scary world as lovely again in hopes of making “little girl” proud. This “girl” well this “little girl” was never gone...SHE JUST GREW.