"Tyler, Tyler..." I open my eyes. I'm sore and I don't know where I am or how I got here.
The girl sitting in front of me, waking me up is named Brianna. Brianna has the most beautiful tan skin and curly black hair, that highlights her green eyes so well. I think I love her, but I have a sense I can't touch her. I sit up and ask, "Where are we?" and Brianna tells me we're in a house staying with other children. She reminds me that my mom never told me why or for how long, but we can ask her when she visits on Sunday. I take in the information and look around. There are four other beds in this room with me. Three have my friends, Natalia, Jaime, and Frankie, and the other is Brianna's. Having my friends as my roommates makes this strange house more tolerable. Frankie asks me if I want to join him and Natalia watching our favorite movie, so I carefully sit up and make my way to Frankie's bed in front of the TV. A few minutes in, we hear footsteps coming towards the room. Jaime says, "Hurry, back to bed," and I turn off the movie and hobble back to my bed. Right as I close my eyes, a woman walks in and walks right up to my bed. She gently shakes me and I sit up again. She asks how I'm feeling and says something about roommates. I tell her I'm feeling great since I have my four friends as roommates. The woman shifts her weight between her feet and starts messing with the button on her blouse. Maybe she doesn't have many friends, so she's feeling sad. I decide not to ask her any questions
The girl sitting in front of me, waking me up is named Brianna. Brianna has the most beautiful tan skin and curly black hair, that highlights her green eyes so well. I think I love her, but I have a sense I can't touch her. I sit up and ask, "Where are we?" and Brianna tells me we're in a house staying with other children. She reminds me that my mom never told me why or for how long, but we can ask her when she visits on Sunday. I take in the information and look around. There are four other beds in this room with me. Three have my friends, Natalia, Jaime, and Frankie, and the other is Brianna's. Having my friends as my roommates makes this strange house more tolerable. Frankie asks me if I want to join him and Natalia watching our favorite movie, so I carefully sit up and make my way to Frankie's bed in front of the TV. A few minutes in, we hear footsteps coming towards the room. Jaime says, "Hurry, back to bed," and I turn off the movie and hobble back to my bed. Right as I close my eyes, a woman walks in and walks right up to my bed. She gently shakes me and I sit up again. She asks how I'm feeling and says something about roommates. I tell her I'm feeling great since I have my four friends as roommates. The woman shifts her weight between her feet and starts messing with the button on her blouse. Maybe she doesn't have many friends, so she's feeling sad. I decide not to ask her any questions
so I don't hurt her feelings and after a minute, she leaves the room. My friends jump back out of
bed and run over to me, all talking over each other with questions about the woman. I wait for
them to quiet down, and then I retell our interaction. After I finish, they all share concerned
glances, but I don't think much of it; I'm happy they're here.
All of a sudden, a cute little song begins playing from a speaker up at the corner of the ceiling. It ends and the same woman who visited my room announces that it's snack time. My friends start packing up their things and walk to the door. Realizing they're going to leave, I call, "Wait, guys! Where are you going?" Natalia giggles and tells me to come to snack time with them. I get up and we go out to the living area of the house. I grab my string cheese, gold fish, and capri sun and we grab a table with exactly five seats. My friends and I are laughing and talking, and I notice the children at the other tables are looking at us and whispering. They seem to be friends, but maybe they don't like our jokes. After snack time, my roommates and I head back to our room to finish our movie. After the movie, the same announcement song is played, and we're told it's time for bed. Today was a great Tuesday. I still don't understand why my friends and I have to stay here, but I'm ready for Sunday so I can tell my mom all about the fun we're having.
Each day, the routine is the same, which means for my room, each day is as fun as the last. It's finally Saturday evening, and when the announcement song is played, I yell with happiness, "Natalia! Brianna! Frankie! Jaime! When we wake up, it's parent day!" We get ready for bed and turn out the lights as fast as we can, but then the woman walks in again. She sits on
All of a sudden, a cute little song begins playing from a speaker up at the corner of the ceiling. It ends and the same woman who visited my room announces that it's snack time. My friends start packing up their things and walk to the door. Realizing they're going to leave, I call, "Wait, guys! Where are you going?" Natalia giggles and tells me to come to snack time with them. I get up and we go out to the living area of the house. I grab my string cheese, gold fish, and capri sun and we grab a table with exactly five seats. My friends and I are laughing and talking, and I notice the children at the other tables are looking at us and whispering. They seem to be friends, but maybe they don't like our jokes. After snack time, my roommates and I head back to our room to finish our movie. After the movie, the same announcement song is played, and we're told it's time for bed. Today was a great Tuesday. I still don't understand why my friends and I have to stay here, but I'm ready for Sunday so I can tell my mom all about the fun we're having.
Each day, the routine is the same, which means for my room, each day is as fun as the last. It's finally Saturday evening, and when the announcement song is played, I yell with happiness, "Natalia! Brianna! Frankie! Jaime! When we wake up, it's parent day!" We get ready for bed and turn out the lights as fast as we can, but then the woman walks in again. She sits on
the side of my bed, brushes a strand of chestnut hair behind her ear, then she looks at me. "Tyler,
you're a real joy to have in our house," she tells me, "but I have to ask you to promise me
something for tomorrow." The woman pauses until I nod and says, "When you're telling your
mother about your time here, you can't talk about your roommates." They're the best part of
being here, so I ask her why. She tells me that they're top secret. I promise to keep quiet, because
my best friends being top secret sounds pretty cool to me.
Parent day was a blast! I talked with my mom for the whole three hours. I talked about the movies I watched, the snacks I ate, and learning to braid in arts and crafts. My mom seemed relieved in some way, but I don't know what about though. Anyway, she also had stories to tell about my dad and learning to cook new dishes. I miss my dad, but he gets to come next Sunday. I hope that by the time they are both here, I will be allowed to talk about my secret roommates. At the end of the three hours, I said goodbye to my mom, but then the announcement woman comes into the room and my mom follows her into an office. I finished telling Brianna my story, and she seems upset. I tried to give her a hug, but she got up and got into her bed. I decided to go to bed too and ask Brianna if she's okay in the morning.
I sit up in a cold sweat from my dream. I get up to check on my friends, but they aren't in their beds. All of their stuff is gone too. I start running and throw open every door I see. Eventually, I get to the room of the announcement woman. She brings me in and sits me down. She puts her hands on my shoulders, and says, "Tyler, you realized something about your roommates didn't you?" I nod and look down. "They aren't real."
Parent day was a blast! I talked with my mom for the whole three hours. I talked about the movies I watched, the snacks I ate, and learning to braid in arts and crafts. My mom seemed relieved in some way, but I don't know what about though. Anyway, she also had stories to tell about my dad and learning to cook new dishes. I miss my dad, but he gets to come next Sunday. I hope that by the time they are both here, I will be allowed to talk about my secret roommates. At the end of the three hours, I said goodbye to my mom, but then the announcement woman comes into the room and my mom follows her into an office. I finished telling Brianna my story, and she seems upset. I tried to give her a hug, but she got up and got into her bed. I decided to go to bed too and ask Brianna if she's okay in the morning.
I sit up in a cold sweat from my dream. I get up to check on my friends, but they aren't in their beds. All of their stuff is gone too. I start running and throw open every door I see. Eventually, I get to the room of the announcement woman. She brings me in and sits me down. She puts her hands on my shoulders, and says, "Tyler, you realized something about your roommates didn't you?" I nod and look down. "They aren't real."
What makes this piece special is how the writing does more than tell a story plainly. In addition to being competent in grammar, structure, and use of language, the story utilizes the perspective of its narrator to tell the story in a unique way.
ReplyDeleteThis short story was so captivating. At the end of this story was a big plot twist. This describes how realistic a dream can feel no matter if its a good one, bad one, or just and average one. This also describes how your worst fears can appear in your dreams which makes it feel like it has already happened.
ReplyDelete~Jackie Aguilera
I love all the imagery you have provided in this storytelling, it is such an amazing piece! -Chris Vergara
ReplyDeleteThis story was as captovating as it was shocking. I also noticed how there were small hints and allusions to the fact that the friends were not real. Amazing read.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really coo. It gave me visuals like a movie going on in my head. The way you worded and described the piece made me want to keep reading and reading. - Isabella per. 5
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting and captivating. I was able to follow along with the descriptive storytelling. This was very well-written, good job!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a fascinating short story! The way you wrote this piece is so incredible and distinctive. I really loved it.
ReplyDelete- Jessalynne Powell
I really enjoyed reading your short story. It is very well written and i was instantly captured. All the imagery you used really made your piece come to life. Great Job!! - Monica Morales
ReplyDeleteI love this story it draws so much attention to the reader, your use of imagery and language really keeps me reading-Donavhen Palos
ReplyDeleteThe plot twist at the end had me tripping out because i also have dreams that feel real amd it was well detailed which made it more interesting. -Armando Loza
ReplyDeleteI very much enjoyed this story. It really brought me to think a little bit on what was going on and once I realized, I quickly grew to love it. All the imagery and word choice really caught my eye. Well written!
ReplyDeleteThe amount of imagery and childhood symbols (capri sun, goldfish) used in the description of your dream made this story pleasant to read. It was interesting to see the shift from dream to reality. - Serina Ko
ReplyDeleteI love the imagery of things that would be present in a kid's life, and the twist at the end really adds another layer to the piece. I enjoyed this very much. - Chase W.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting piece. I enjoyed the fact that I could understand it through your view.
ReplyDeleteI like the use of foreshadowing that leads to the reveal at the end. It's really good !
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the story as far as imagery, it was extremely descriptive and easy to understand and the ending was extremely unexpected. I like that the audience is left not knowing where Tyler is or why he is there but it adds to the suspense of the story
ReplyDeleteHehehehe. I loved this story. I hope I don't offend by saying that I found this interesting, and didn't see it as sad or depressing. In my mind, I could picture everything that was going on, and I think that is because of your amazing use of imagery. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThis was a very interesting piece, the beginning starts off casually and the ending catches your readers by surprise. The imagery you used in the story is what makes the audience wanting to keep reading it to see what will happen next. I really liked your piece because of the simplicity, you built it up to be the great story it now is. Amazing job.
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece from the start it had a mysterious feel to it and the twist at the end sealed the deal for me
ReplyDelete