It was the morning of November 16, I woke up to a message from my good friend
Julia informing me that Jonny commited suicide. I was in denial. My mind was spinning with the news and I asked her if she was sure it’s true. Eventually I started getting spammed from all my old friends asking if I heard what happened and if I was okay. I dropped to my knees crying and screaming wishing it was some sick joke they were playing on me. It was so sudden, I found myself in denial. I prayed for him to text me saying he’s okay or to show up at my door, anything. At the time this just couldn’t be real to me. Jonny couldn’t have just taken his own life like this without saying goodbye. The same day I went to his memorial and still, I was in denial. His mom and I held each other crying over him for what seemed like hours and that’s when I realized this was real. He’s gone.
I then became filled with rage. I was so angry at the people who caused him so much pain that he felt the need to take his life. The people who helped him go down a path he wasn’t proud of. Angry at my parents for taking my phone that night when he was practically crying for help. The one damn time I wasn’t there to check up on him. I hate that it takes losing him to suicide to finally stop hurting myself and attempting suicide myself. It was so frustrating to hear people talk about him as if he’s just another number to the list of suicides. The audacity people have to ask me how he took his life and why he did it. Why does it matter? Why do you need to know? All I know is that my dearest friend took his life and felt alone, felt like his life meant nothing with no purpose.
For a few weeks I stayed stuck in my room holding a drawing he asked me to do of him back in middle school. My chest always felt like it was going to burst. What I would do just to see him smile one more time. I wasn’t talking as much, wouldn’t eat and stopped caring about most things. I didn’t bother telling most people because I didn’t want to relive the moment of losing him. I miss him so much. I have so many emotions unraveling, yet feel numb at the same time. Every single moment I had with him kept running through my mind as if it just happened yesterday. I turned into a mess. Currently still a mess but at least I’m slowly picking myself up together.
After all this pain, denial, anger and depression I finally found some acceptance. He may be gone but he will always hold a place in my heart. I’m so grateful to have so many memories with him. All the late night calls, the flowers he’d leave at my door as an apology for upsetting me, or his annoying random spams at 3am to wake me up, ect. He helped me realize how precious life. It’s important to keep your loved ones close because you never know when you will lose them. I choose to talk about this because I feel like people don’t realize how much people are hurting. Please check up on your friends and family, make sure they’re okay if you can. I love you so much Jonny more than you will ever know, I hope you finally find peace you deserve it after everything you had to go through. I’ll never forget everything you’ve done for me and our friends. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you.
Your use of raw emotion and truthfulness throughout your narration touched me in so many ways. I am so sorry for your loss and the feelings you must now undergo as a result. Thank you for sharing such a personal story in a world that praises superficial ideas. I enjoyed how earnest and how easy your personal experience flowed into this story format. Great job and much love!
ReplyDeleteI really felt this passage because one of my good friends had also committed suicide a few years back. This was a very scary moment because you don't get to tell them what you want, and before yo know it, its too late.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is extremely heartbreaking. It was so vulnerable and true, it was almost hard to read in that the readers could truly feel your pain. The piece is beautifully written, and so important in today's climate. You did a good job at not glorifying suicide and I also really appreciate that. -Nikki Cisneros
ReplyDeleteSaidy, I pray for your healing process and your loss. I can imagine how difficult it was writing this. You are strong for sharing Johnny´s story. I am blessed to hear how you were able to come at peace with this tragic event and within yourself.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss, and I commend you for having the strength and willingness to write about something so intimate and sensitive. This entire piece is beautifully written as it flowed from the moment you described waking up and hearing the news to now as you move forward. This was really touching, and I send all my love. Great work.
ReplyDelete-Arianna Santos
I cannot imagine how difficult it was to write this piece. I am so sorry for your loss. You wrote so vulnerably, but carried strength and inspiration with your words. The way you narrated Jonny's story was filled with raw emotion and the ability to admit to the turmoil that grief does to a person. It's stories like this that are needed in this world, to hopefully help the people in it. You are undoubtedly courageous, and I am glad you have come at peace with this tremendous event, and have rather looked at his death as the motivation to live for him.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss Saidy. Please come to me if you need anything. I am in Peer Counseling and if you every need to vent anything out, I will always be there. Though I know writing this was a huge step for a healing process for you, this piece was something that so many people now-a-days struggle to go through. Im so proud of you for sharing something so personal. Not many people can easily and freely share things like this. Great Job Saidy! <3
ReplyDeleteI am sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for sharing such a raw and heartbreaking story. I believe that people should check up on their loved ones and tell them how much they glove them because you never know when its your last day seeing them. ~ Alec Bailey
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate how down to earth you were in sharing your pain. I can only imagine the emotions and feelings that this event put you through, and the toll that it took on you then that you still carry today. Thank you for opening up and sharing your story, because I'm sure that it was very difficult to do. Keep pushing forward, one day at a time, you can do it!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that this happen to you and im so proud of you for writing about it. Although i have never personally experience some one taking their own life i still have experienced death of another and understand how you felt. Thank you for taking the time to write about something that hurts you deeply and thank you for the simplicity of the writing in which it made it easier to understand your heartache.
ReplyDeleteKylie Houghton
This piece explains how tragic suicide is, but the reality of it and the effects that it takes on other people close to them. I am sorry for your loss, but it is important to believe that everything happens for a reason. You are brave being able to connect and speak upon a loss that is the hardest to bare.
ReplyDeleteThank you for having the courage to share this piece. This writing does a great job at showing how impactful everyone's lives are around us. It is always right to appreciate your loved ones while they are still here.
ReplyDeleteI've never lost someone to suicide myself, but I have had multiple dealings with people who have had thoughts like that. So with that, this piece really hit home for me. The raw emotions used brought back my own memories of making sure that my friend was okay and that they wouldn't commit suicide. Writing aside however, you're a very strong person for sharing this. I'm sure it wasn't easy to do, so I love the courage and heart that went into this piece.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate the fact that you were able to write about something so vulnerable and I'm so sorry for your loss. It takes a lot to be able to share something so personal and difficult. I liked your message at the end telling people to check up on their loved ones and make sure they're okay, it is a very important thing. This was very well-written.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was difficult to read, reminding me that I won't be able to see or hear the joy Jonny brought to both me and my friends. I love how raw and emotional your writing made me, and I pray for the healing of everybody affected by this, you and I included. Time heals all, LLJ.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story and I thought your piece was very well written. I also enjoyed reading at the end how you took your experience to show people to always check up on their loved ones. I hope people take this advice and use it to help others. - Monica Morales
ReplyDeleteYou are so brave and courageous for sharing your story with all of us. It is so heart-warming and has touched me deeply. I wish you the absolute best in your recovery. Take care of your health.
ReplyDeleteWhat a touching story, Saidy. I can't fathom the idea of losing a friend you were so close to. Thank you for sharing and I hope you find tranquility in the connection with the people that you have around you. -Diego Olmos
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave to share your experience about someone who you loved so dearly, leave so soon. Reading this gave me the chills, as I couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like for you and Jonny's family to go through such a terrible loss. However from the darkness of your writing a positive message does shine, as more and more people become aware of this issue, help will be easier to be accessed and hopefully finding a friend will be easier too.
ReplyDelete-Andrea Sordo
Much respect for you putting all that you have felt and dealt with into a beautiful heartfelt mastery. Very sorry for your lost. I have experienced loss as well and currently doing my best helping my friend who has attempted to take her own life. Trying my best to keep her straight, but can only pray she finds the strength in her to keep on forward. I feel for you. beautiful piece.
ReplyDeleteThis passage was very sad and it deeply touched my heart. I appreciate you sharing your pain with us because I think that sometimes it helps to just let it out. The emotions this passage gave out were raw and very real. -Jeryn V
ReplyDeleteFirst id like to say,you're so unbelievably strong for writing something so raw and personal, thank you for sharking your story. I am very sorry for your loss, your piece is beautiful and shows first hand the prominent issue of mental health and how it is over looked and misunderstood. Your strength to grow from this terrible loss is utterly amazing, I am so proud of you and so unbelievably happy you're hear to tell his story and yours- Jewelianna Garcia
ReplyDeleteI'm very sorry to hear aout ypur loss, this piece took alot of courage to share and thank you for that, I think writtig something so raw and personal can help one heal and i hope it does that, the message in the piece has helped me realize to check in on my friends because i truly never know unless i ask, thank you for sharing
ReplyDeleteThis is such a sensitive topic, but you did an amazing job at giving emotion to how the narrator was feeling after hearing the news. It made me want to keep reading! -Imany Ramos
ReplyDeleteI am sincerely sorry for your loss. In this piece I could tell that it took a lot of strength for you to even write this. I appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us and I pray that you recover from this traumatic loss.
ReplyDelete-Taja Moore
This is something that people truly find it hard to talk about. You were able to write about a tragedy that happened in your life. You are strong for this and know it wasn't your fault that you did what you could. Just the emotion you explained and feelings was goood, no one should go through but sometimes we go through things in life that will eventually help us grow in life even if it is a tragedy.
ReplyDeleteI was extremely touched by the way that you captured all of the emotions felt during this tragedy, denial, sadness, and anger. You are extremely strong for telling your story and this piece could help others going through similar situations.
ReplyDeleteThe strength that you have to talk about this, let alone publish it on a blog where anyone can read it is heroic and brave. Thank you for sharing this with us and being vulnerable to an issue which greatly effects a strong majority of teens in this generation. Your the best!!!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a personal piece. I can feel the emotions present. It really touches on the emotions that most people keep bottled up inside.
ReplyDeleteI am very sorry for your loss, Saidy. I can say that I've been where you are and it is a terrible feeling to experience. I am happy you found acceptance and gained some peace from this situation as you reflect back on the memories you had with Jonny. I love how personal your piece is so thank you for sharing it with us and always remember you have people supporting you. Beautiful job, With much love.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I know it wasn't easy writing this but I feel like many people can learn to be nicer to each other because you never know what someone is going through. I really love how raw this piece is and I really enjoyed reading it. Amazing job! Stay strong love. - Lauren Valencia
ReplyDeleteJust the fact that you were able to even share this shows tremendous strength on your part. It's always important to check up on your loved ones, and this passage helped reinforce that essential element in my life once again.
ReplyDeleteI'm truly sorry about what happened, Saidy. It must have been really difficult going through such times, but there is a sense of strength in the acceptance of what has happened and in your choice to open up about it. It reminds me of the times that I had to go through, and how lucky I am to be alive, or to have been awake at 2 in the morning when a friend of mine tried to end his life. Thank you for sharing such a personal piece and I hope you heal from this. Love you :)
ReplyDeleteIt takes a a lot of courage to be able to share an experience like this and it truly is heartbreaking to read. I can't even begin to say I know what you're going through but this piece allowed me a small glimpse into what you must have been going through and I'm proud to say I know someone as strong as you.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. It's a terrible tragedy, sorry you went through it. Losing someone you care for is never easy. You really showed your emotion in a very touching way. Thank you for sharing this.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what it must've been like to lose someone so close to you in that way, the way you expressed each emotion you felt was extremely moving. It's not often that people get a different perspective other than sadness when hearing about individuals in this situation, thus I commend you for the courage it must've taken you to write this, thank you for sharing such a personal piece.
ReplyDeleteSaidy you are incredibly strong just for releasing your feelings and allowing yourself to feel vulnerable. This piece really touched me and was also relatable because situations like can be diffcult to understand especially when you can't get all the answers. The writing was a amazing and so was your touching stroy.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed at the emotion expressed in this story. I like how the character goes from shock, to sad, to angry, then just decides to be happy with the time they had with him. That's all we can really do, just be thankful for the time that we had with a loved one and not let their death consume our life. -Trenton Robles
ReplyDeleteI know this had to hit home. This almost happened to me with a friend. It's so scary, luckily she pulled through but I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Praying for you. Great piece, you're strong for letting this out. -Joy Campbell
ReplyDelete