It started off as any other relationship would. Two people meet, fall in love, and
things take off from there. We were young and dumb, and we brougt a house vowing that we will stay togther forever. Well, as time went by we fell out of love. I don’t know when but there is no use in wondering. Tonight was like any other night, he came home late and very far gone. “Where were you? Do you realize how worried as was?”. Him like always gives me the same response “ Why does it matter to you ? I’m the man your women do what your told, I don't need to explain myself to you ?”. It was dehumanizing and humiliating I felt trapped and I didnt know how to save myself. He walked to the guest room and locked himself in. We haven't shared a room in weeks I guess it's for the best. I looked at the guest room door hopelessly and turned to head toward the living room. I turned the TV on and switched to the news and plopped onto the sofa. “ Top ten places to visit in the world” was displayed along the bottom of the screen.” Hmph as if” I said in denial, but then I looked around. My house was nice but dead quite. I didn't like that, a house should be filled with laughter and warmed with love. That's when I realized things need to change. I grabbed a bag rounded up a few clothes and walked through the front door.
I was done. I stormed out of my house, flagged the nearest taxi, and left. I don’t know why I chose to come to this place, but I had a plane ticket in my bag. Perhaps I knew that one day I would need a one way ticket to anywhere. After much thought I decided to go to Japan. It was one of the top ten. So I got on the first available flight and never looked back. It wasn't until I landed that I felt the weight of what I just done. “ What did I just do? How could I be so reckless? What would he think?” I stood in a dark corner having a crisis wondering how I’m I going to fix this mess. The air in the airport became thick, I couldn't breathe I had to go outside. I began walking to the nearest exit mindlessly. It wasn't until I felt water on my arm that I came to. “ Wait, water?” I looked up and then realized it was raining. No, it was pouring. There was no shelter around because during my mindlessness wound up in a nearby park. I ran to the nearest tree and took shelter. Ten minutes later the rain stopped. The noise that once filled my mind ceased to exist. I sat down on the wet grass, because honestly, at this point who cares? My clothes were already soaked through anyway. I looked up and saw what a beautiful night it was. The rain drops glistened on the trees and grass like gems, and the lake reflected the night sky. The stars and moon were so bright. I closed my eyes and felt comfort, I had a feeling that everything would be ok.
I enjoyed your description of the relationship the woman is in and how stuck she feels. I also loved how you described her escaping and the imagery of the night sky, as it reflected how the woman is now at peace. -Samantha Tabula
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the first person point of view you employed throughout the piece making it more realistic and engaging. It captured a common scene that I am sure many people have undergone establishing a connection for most readers. I was pleased with the resolution and the main character's efforts to seek a new way of life. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this piece, as a woman I took this very personal as you used the diction of ¨dehumanizing". Women are not subordinates. Furthermore, I liked the strength the woman projected to leave and travel despite her second-thoughts. There was a sense of freedom and I personally enjoyed that.
ReplyDeleteI love how the main character was able to do something spontaneously. Even if she regretted it for a bit, it finally gave her peace.
ReplyDelete-Chloe Bohrer
This was a really good piece. I appreciate the details and how descriptive you are about the setting and the women’s emotions. Good Job!!! ~ Alec Bailey
ReplyDeleteI like how clearly you painted the picture of this woman and how suddenly she was disappointed with her life. The thoughts and emotions, from running away, freaking out, and finally finding peace really added to the storyline and the impact pf this piece. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really love how descriptive this piece was and how it brought upon the idea of being spontaneous. Sometimes you have to leave and change something up when youre not happy or even when it just doesnt feel right. Even if you dont know what youre going to do youll figure it out some way or another.
ReplyDeletekylie houghton
The storyline was very well conveyed as you took the readers in and made it easy to sympathize. The tone shift is especially comforting as it comes to a close and describes the beauty of her perspective. - Victoria Giliberto
ReplyDeleteThe sudden beginning, word choice, and syntax of your piece made for an emotionally powerful read. I appreciate this work!
ReplyDelete- Andrew Kim
I like how detailed this piece was and how the woman just decided to think about herself for once. I like how the story demonstrates self love and self worth and how you should always make yourself happy before someone else. - Isabella per. 5
ReplyDeleteThe storytelling is amazing, being able to present characters with three to four lines, yet hold so much context and history behind it. The spontaneous decision under such horrible conditions that are presented make the story line understandable, yet allows the reader to completely feel the anxiety of the woman. Great piece!
ReplyDeleteI like how your story focused on the uncertainty of the main character because it helped to build suspense and keep the story interesting. Your description in the first paragraph made me feel sympathetic toward your character and I like the way the story ended, in a negative situation turned positive. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it, great job!
ReplyDelete-Alexis Rosenzweig
This was an excellently written piece and I enjoyed the message. If you're not happy, change something. Also, everything that might seem terrible at the moment can soon be something great. You have to look for the positives, and if they outweigh the bad, it's worth it. However, if they don't, get up and do something about it, as long as you can.
ReplyDeleteWell done on your piece! I enjoyed viewing the array of emotions that were contained in your piece which livened and then drowned the atmosphere of the story. It was a roller coaster till the very end! Once again, nice job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed that this piece was in first person so as a reader I was able to be with the character as she went through her thought process. I think you did an excellent job in deciding what the character's decision would be in the end, as she wanted to escape from her old life. Your word choice also helped in really developing the situation and the setting, for example the word "thick" when describing the air.
ReplyDelete- Andrea Sordo
I enjoyed that this piece was in first person so as a reader I was able to be with the character as she went through her thought process. I think you did an excellent job in deciding what the character's decision would be in the end, as she wanted to escape from her old life. Your word choice also helped in really developing the situation and the setting, for example the word "thick" when describing the air.
ReplyDelete- Andrea Sordo
Love the way you explained how change is never always bad, how we need change in our life in order to grow. Love how the tory brings that out and with great diction and imagery. Nice piece!
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very descriptive and I like how at the end you still found something good out of the bad that happened. I also like the storyline because it's very simple and it is something that happens in real life. Good job! -Jeryn V
ReplyDeleteThis piece was a beautiful narration of freedom and not being tied down. The story narrator depicts someone with courage and bravery to change her situation to one that is enjoyable. The imagery that is used is extremely vivid and detailed that makes the reader feel apart of the narrators story. I love in the end she finds self love in a rain storm. Great work!- Jewelianna Garcia
ReplyDeleteThe details and emotion that the charcter possesed throughout the story made it very intresting and gave a sense of hope to escape to freedom and do something for myself. I think the story showed that change is good and helped me realize alot, I enjoyed the piece alot
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the vivid images and the emotions that were displayed in the piece. The emotions were especially tangible, and the piece overall makes me interested in finding out what happens next. -- Gilberto Diaz
ReplyDeleteI really love the message portrayed in this piece. This message sends a sign that you can achieve freedom from the past by letting go of it. Moving on and never looking back is a sort of self-care that allows someone to find happiness that isn't dependent on someone else, but on oneself. A very relatable piece, good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how this piece brought about an idea that not many people think about but that so many deal with. It demonstrated how one should take the leap when faced with trials and to explore their freedom. It was a very well-written piece.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your story the imagery made me feel like I was there feeling those rain drops falling from the sky. Also this piece I feel gives a sense of hope and peace within passion of pursing dreams and I believe and know despite the struggles you have to stop and see the beauty in them and you nailed it with this writing.
ReplyDeleteI love how the main character decides that it is time for a change and just ups and leave. I feel like people now a days think too much prior to deciding anything and eventually cause themselves to not follow through. This piece shows everyone that it is okay to not know what to do next in life, and to just, and to just live in the now. -Trenton Robles
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece, I loved the build up of the story and character. I specifically loved seeing the character development which ultimately led to her freedom from a toxic relationship. Great job! -Leah Robbins
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