Self-worth--Andrea

More often than sometimes, I find myself wondering what I would be like if I had changed one thing about my past, or one aspect of my personality. You know how people always
ask the standard question, “If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?” And majority of the time I would answer with a self deprecating joke that slipped past my lips with a fabricated and forced smile, listing off my insecurities as easily as if someone had told a first grader to recite the alphabet to their teacher. Time and time again, there are many instances that I speculate what I would really change about myself. Would I really wish away the huge toothy smile I have begun to love? Or to hope I stopped laughing as gleefully and noisily as a child being swung around by their parent? 

More often than sometimes, I wonder what would’ve happened if I entertained the idea of someone telling me to screw off in middle school. Oh, the fun memories of learning people could be so cruel. Or if I forced myself into heteronormativity after being accused of being a predator in the girls’ locker room after being discovered I was a different sexuality of that from people I had entrusted and thought of as friends. Perhaps my life could have drastically changed, never knowing what it was like to hate myself if I had just kept my head down and didn’t go out of my

comfort zone. All these things wandered inside my brain like an explorer trying to navigate their way through the tangling and intimidating terrain of a newly found jungle.
However, I have come to an understanding of the value these past experiences had done for me. I know there is no reason to pity myself and feel sorry for the insecurities I have acquired. Although some days it feels like I’m nothing more than just a lump, a mass of flesh walking around, it does not mean that I should I be treated as such. The same goes for anyone else that may beat themselves up as if they were a broken toy someone threw off to the side. 

Kids want so desparately to fit in this messy society, crushing themselves when they discover they are a puzzle piece who was placed in the wrong box, whether it be fate or by accident. With this turn of events, individuals might turn to rediscovering themselves. More often than normal, people go and fall in love with different countries to achieve this goal. Even though a person, possibly, has not had the chance to travel, I find solace in traveling down memory lane, despite the many valleys and steep slopes, trudging along rocky paths and fixing wounds that have reopened.
And despite the odds being stacked against me, through homophobic comments made by “traditional” family members and racists who fail to see the beauty in culture and diversity apart from their own, or lack thereof, I will continue to find myself striving to harvest happiness and live life to the fullest. And it will be okay if I don’t know the answer to everything I ask or think

about. What matters to me is that I go forward with being curious and bright throughout my college life and into adulthood. 

From all my experiences and mistakes made up until this point, I have begun to understand what self-worth means to me. It is not something I am fearful of talking about (like some of my peers may feel). Self-worth is what makes everyone unique and special, regardless of the tiring obstacles one might endure. A strong sense of self-worth is being able to wake up every morning, knowing that even if yesterday was the toughest one yet, you were able to persevere and make it to another day. This word holds a great amount of value and should be treated as such, not in a way that is degrading and harmful but in one that is positive and worthy if each persons’ uniqueness. Societal expectations and norms are hazardous to individuals and prove to chip away at the self-worth of young adults the same way Michelangelo chipped away at the delicate marble of the Madonna of Bruges. T hings have to change and move towards a more progressive way of thinking in order for self-worth to improve and grow stronger. Knowing our values sets us up to excel and blossom into bright leaders for the world to come. 

More often than sometimes, people should know they have value and are not disposable items. And maybe, slowly, the world can be a more tolerable place. Self-worth is what will bring us as a society to a position of being accepting and nurturing instead of hateful and ready to lunge at anyone with a different mindset as you or I.