Cindy Gordon
Cindy Gordon’s husband didn’t love her anymore. However, Cindy decided two first class tickets to Hawaii would change that. If she could get him back to where they swam with turtles and tried octopus for the first time, she knew they’d fall in love again. So, early Monday morning, Cindy woke up to give him a surprise birthday present. She knelt down by his ear and whispered “Happy Birthday!” Slowly, he sat up rubbing his eyes. “I told you I didn’t want to celebrate.” Cindy replied, “I-I know, but I couldn’t wait to give you your gift!” She pulled out the tickets and laid them in front of him. Blankly he stared at the tickets without saying anything. Cindy smiled and said, “We leave in an hour, and don’t worry I already worked everything out and packed our bags.” After a moment he let out a deep sigh and said, “I have a 7:00 A.M. shift at the hospital. Did you call and tell them about our little trip?” Cindy’s smile faded and she shook her head. Scoffing he said, “Looks like you didn’t work it all out then.” Cindy quietly mumbled sorry and began to walk away. Letting out another sigh, he said, “Cind, wait. Maybe Diane can cover for me.” Wiping a tear away, she turned around, “Yeah, maybe.” Cindy knew Diane would do anything for her husband. Cindy Gordon knew her husband didn’t love her anymore.
Diane Walch
Diane Walch was supposed to have Monday off. Unfortunately, a 6:00 A.M. ringtone woke her up. “Hawaii? With her? You said you were going to leave her and now you’re going to Hawaii together?” she said half awake. “Mondays are my days off, I have to take Sam to school, you know that.” Listening to his excuses, she closed her eyes. “This is the last time, and I’m not talking about filling in, I mean believing you...love you too.” Reluctantly, Diane got ready and ran downstairs. “SAM, BREAKFAST!” In an instant, a little boy in a stained t-shirt and mismatched socks came running down. Diane shuffled through her purse looking for her keys and said, “I just got called into work, I’m so sorry. I know I said I’d take you to school but do you think you can ride your bike? I can ask Ms. Walters next door if she can take you.” Sam shook his head, “Her car smells like cat litter, I’ll ride my bike.” Diane giggled, “Be nice! And please take Kindle, Elm has no sidewalks.” She said she loved him and closed the door, but all Diane Walch could think was that she was supposed to have Monday off.
Eric Carter
Eric Carter had a crush on Stacy Steinbeck since sophomore year. For as long as he like liked her though, he had never talked to her, until last week. “Hey, it’s Eric right?” she said as she leaned against a locker. Confused Eric asked, “Yeah?” Stacy smiled and popped her gum. “Well, Eric, you know Jason Mendes? He’s having a party Sunday night and I’m going, you should go to.” Standing up straighter Eric smiled and said, “O-Ok.” “Great, just make sure to bring a few cases of beer and chips, Doritos are my favorite.” “Yeah of course, I’ll be there,” Eric said and nonchalantly folded his arms. Eric kept his word. He snuck out, stole his dad’s Mustang, bought the beer and chips and arrived at Jason’s, where he found Stacy Steinbeck making out with some somebody and a beer already in her hand. Eric wasn’t shocked, but it still hurt. After deciding to not let his beers go to waste, Eric had a few and then drove home, or tried at least, the pouring rain didn’t help much. While turning onto Kindle, Eric hit a few cars before crashing his
dad’s into a tree. The rest of the night became a blur. All Eric Carter would remember is the sirens, his
dad’s crushed Mustang and that he no longer had a crush on Stacy Steinbeck.
Zoey Cooper
Zoey Cooper was a “big girl.” She could tie her own shoes and pour her own juice, even screw the lid on. On Monday morning, Zooey was sitting in the back of her dad’s Mercedes on her way to school. As her dad turned on Elm Street, Zoey’s cup fell down knocking the not so tightly closed lid off, spilling fruit punch all over her dad’s seats. “ZOEY!” Her dad yelled as he quickly turned around to pick up the cup. Zoey cried, “I’m so sorry daddy” over and over right up until the moment her dad’s Mercedes hit something in the road. After seeing the little boy lying still on the ground, Zoey Cooper became a “big girl.”
Sam Walch
Sam Walch loved the smell of rain. He was on his way to school Monday morning and meant to take Kindle Street. However, due to an accident, he had to take Elm Street. He made sure to stay as close to the front lawns as possible. It had just rained the night before for the first time in a while, and Sam had almost forgotten the scent. While pedaling down Elm Street, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It was just for a second, but it was enough. Sam opened his eyes just in time to see a Mercedes coming quickly towards him, impossible to avoid. It would only be a moment in time, but it would be his last. Many would blame Elm Street for not having sidewalks, but they’d never know it was much more than that. It was Cindy Gordon wanting her husband to love her again. It was Diane Walch not having Monday off. It was Eric Carter having a crush on Stacy Steinbeck. It was Zoey Cooper being a “big girl.” It was Sam Walch loving the smell of rain.
Zoey Cooper
Zoey Cooper was a “big girl.” She could tie her own shoes and pour her own juice, even screw the lid on. On Monday morning, Zooey was sitting in the back of her dad’s Mercedes on her way to school. As her dad turned on Elm Street, Zoey’s cup fell down knocking the not so tightly closed lid off, spilling fruit punch all over her dad’s seats. “ZOEY!” Her dad yelled as he quickly turned around to pick up the cup. Zoey cried, “I’m so sorry daddy” over and over right up until the moment her dad’s Mercedes hit something in the road. After seeing the little boy lying still on the ground, Zoey Cooper became a “big girl.”
Sam Walch
Sam Walch loved the smell of rain. He was on his way to school Monday morning and meant to take Kindle Street. However, due to an accident, he had to take Elm Street. He made sure to stay as close to the front lawns as possible. It had just rained the night before for the first time in a while, and Sam had almost forgotten the scent. While pedaling down Elm Street, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. It was just for a second, but it was enough. Sam opened his eyes just in time to see a Mercedes coming quickly towards him, impossible to avoid. It would only be a moment in time, but it would be his last. Many would blame Elm Street for not having sidewalks, but they’d never know it was much more than that. It was Cindy Gordon wanting her husband to love her again. It was Diane Walch not having Monday off. It was Eric Carter having a crush on Stacy Steinbeck. It was Zoey Cooper being a “big girl.” It was Sam Walch loving the smell of rain.
I love this character list/cast! Your flash fiction should be turned into a play or some sort of tv show on Netflix or on Freeform! Outstanding work! <33333333 :)
ReplyDeleteVery nice. The way you organized the story by character is pretty cool and very intriguing. I enjoyed the story throuroughly.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great read! I really enjoy stories that show multiple views leading up to the climax. It reminds me of a movie I recently watched called "Bad Times at the El Royale." Everyone had a secret and a mission and they were very close together, yet every story had a different "camera" angle, and this is what I envisioned while reading. Again, Great Story!
ReplyDeleteI really like how this story introduced each character separately and then brought them together in the end for a twist ending.
ReplyDeleteVery unique characters and cast that you put up together, it was also very unique how you structured your blog, very enjoyable read.
ReplyDeleteAlexis, this piece is so well written! I love how you took a creative approach for writing small pieces for each character and connecting each together. I think this is one of my favorite writings on the blog! Great job!! :) -Mackenzie M.
ReplyDeleteI liked your piece, i think its really cool and different that you told the story through the characters list.
ReplyDeleteI like how the story is separated when describing the characters and their lives, very unique! -Sofia Rosales
ReplyDeletethe introduction and short storylines of multiple characters is very interesting, and i enjoy each character and what they have to offer! their intertwining storylines is also a nice touch :)
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed the way you organized the characters and described them one by one. Great writing! Keep it up!
ReplyDeleteGarret Janikowski
Period 4
I really enjoyed this piece. It had such uniqueness within the characters adding up to the climax. Great work!!
ReplyDeleteI loved the different character point of views and how each stories had something to do with one another. Great work! - Zoe
ReplyDeleteI really like that there are several different characters with unique personalities. I like how you used different people to explain something that happened, opposed to just describing it. The story was very sad, but throughout the whole thing I wanted to know what would happen. Great job, and great use of the butterfly effect.
ReplyDeleteI loved how you used different characters with different personalities to show the story! It was really unique and kept me captivated! Great story and great use of the idea of the butterfly effect.
ReplyDelete-Kylie Cooper
i didnt know what i was expecting due to your format very nicely. at, which adds in to the surprise and shock element. i thoroughly enjoyed this piece because it was like anything i've read before.
ReplyDeleteNathalie Boutros
Alexis,
ReplyDeleteYour story had so much tension in it as it progressed. I loved how all the characters had so sort of "blame" for the mishaps on the street. The culmination was cleverly done. Awesome job!
Ryan Dogoldogol p.4
Wow Alexis I really liked the outline of the story because it made it simple to understand yet it provided great detail. - Gaby Ortega
ReplyDeleteThe story line was my favorite in this passage and you wrote this VERY good. it was a great read!!!! - harmony fowler
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the piece! I liked the different perspectives of each character. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteThe inclusions of the character’s different perspectives was very interesting to read and seeing how all the different point of views drove the plot. You did that outstandingly!
ReplyDeleteMaria Rosa
I love that it all ties together. Your piece truly displays how the butterfly effect can work and how many story lines can be interconnected.
ReplyDelete-Maddy Wren
You were able to expertly connect multiple and complex characters and plot lines together to make something heartbreaking and I commend you for that!
ReplyDeleteWhat a unique way of writing a short story. I enjoyed how distinct this piece was from many other flash fictions we've seen before on this blog. Tragic ending but great story telling :)
ReplyDeleteInteresting piece, I most definitely enjoyed this. Keep up the good work. - Chenel Moody
ReplyDeleteVictoria Ervin
ReplyDeleteThis was really enjoyable to read. I thought it was unique how you described the characters and connected them to each other. Great job!
I really like the way this story is formatted. It's like playing a game that has different routes unique to each character. The descriptions of these characters are so well thought out and is very worthy of having its own play or something. Awesome job with the writing! Please do more!
ReplyDelete