Upon the desolate side of a mountain surrounding
the valley of mortals, the Gods quarrelled over the
recent Death, and Raven, quietest of all but master
of mind, rested on a lonely tree as he gazed to the
valley that lied below. The strong-willed
Prometheus approached the meditative Raven and
asked him thus:
“O wild spirit, detachable to us all deific
but nonetheless inseparable, I ask of you a question that begins with time itself. Why must
had you stolen the sun from the heavenly realm, to now be forever scorned yet forgotten by mortal and immortal alike?”
The mystic and trickster Raven answered:
“So that the Alpha may show the Omega how to make his burning signal so that all may recognize it”
“Speak not to me in your cunning manner! An answer of clarity I demand.”
“Then the clarity you seek you shall never find in the company of gods! Ease thy nerves, human architect whose fate holds reflection to mine own, and come sit with me as we search for truth below.”
“Your ideas are strange but the implications even worse. Now then, unfold to me the truths that lay hidden to even the eyes of immortals. “
To this the knowing spirit with a morbid grin replied and spoke thus:
“Behold, here this tale that has befallen these creatures of potential: The valley has been home to beings of stone, fueled by power and creativity, creations limited by their limitless brain alone. Together,they cultivated the land and planted trees that grew to the heavens above, living a life of
“O wild spirit, detachable to us all deific
but nonetheless inseparable, I ask of you a question that begins with time itself. Why must
had you stolen the sun from the heavenly realm, to now be forever scorned yet forgotten by mortal and immortal alike?”
The mystic and trickster Raven answered:
“So that the Alpha may show the Omega how to make his burning signal so that all may recognize it”
“Speak not to me in your cunning manner! An answer of clarity I demand.”
“Then the clarity you seek you shall never find in the company of gods! Ease thy nerves, human architect whose fate holds reflection to mine own, and come sit with me as we search for truth below.”
“Your ideas are strange but the implications even worse. Now then, unfold to me the truths that lay hidden to even the eyes of immortals. “
To this the knowing spirit with a morbid grin replied and spoke thus:
“Behold, here this tale that has befallen these creatures of potential: The valley has been home to beings of stone, fueled by power and creativity, creations limited by their limitless brain alone. Together,they cultivated the land and planted trees that grew to the heavens above, living a life of
narrow order, but nonetheless structure. Even with
how brilliant they were, how shallow was their
perception of self-importance as they looked to the
stars.
Alas, the time had come where these people dwindled and eroded away, for the fate of the valley was now in the hands of other life: sheep.
The sheep followed a Shepherd who provided order for themselves, as he planted grain for all to fill their stomachs. All were happy and grew in numbers beyond imagination, to spread eventually across the entirety of the valley and become masters of their fields.
Alas, the fates would not allow for a glorious path forever. The sheep grew in numbers as to where they ate all the grain in the valley and became plagued by an endless hunger. To feed themselves, they stripped their pelts and became packs of wolves who turned on their fellow kin, until all finally lost their morality and ate the Shepherd. The Shepherd watched in silence as he was devoured from head to toe.
Behold, The sheep cry with emotionless eyes for the return of the Shepherd as they eat from his remains!
Lo, what once was beings of individuality, are not creatures of instinct and tribalism! “
“ To what fate do we hold these creatures now? Are we to flood the valley and begin anew?
“Nay, for there is hope beyond this present ordeal. As we remain focused on the actions of the valley, we failed to notice the thunderstorm brewing above us.”
“For whose appearance are we to anticipate from the summit? Another Shepherd?”
Alas, the time had come where these people dwindled and eroded away, for the fate of the valley was now in the hands of other life: sheep.
The sheep followed a Shepherd who provided order for themselves, as he planted grain for all to fill their stomachs. All were happy and grew in numbers beyond imagination, to spread eventually across the entirety of the valley and become masters of their fields.
Alas, the fates would not allow for a glorious path forever. The sheep grew in numbers as to where they ate all the grain in the valley and became plagued by an endless hunger. To feed themselves, they stripped their pelts and became packs of wolves who turned on their fellow kin, until all finally lost their morality and ate the Shepherd. The Shepherd watched in silence as he was devoured from head to toe.
Behold, The sheep cry with emotionless eyes for the return of the Shepherd as they eat from his remains!
Lo, what once was beings of individuality, are not creatures of instinct and tribalism! “
“ To what fate do we hold these creatures now? Are we to flood the valley and begin anew?
“Nay, for there is hope beyond this present ordeal. As we remain focused on the actions of the valley, we failed to notice the thunderstorm brewing above us.”
“For whose appearance are we to anticipate from the summit? Another Shepherd?”
“Nay, but a mortal who ideas reside with the
immortals, ideas beyond the valley and
mountainside. Someone who follows the fire in their
heart and will always love his fate.
Behold, watch as the mortal comes down the mountain with the tranquil eye to teach a lesson for all and none!”
Behold, watch as the mortal comes down the mountain with the tranquil eye to teach a lesson for all and none!”
Wow, this story really had me hooked. I got lost a bit at the end after the sheep became wolves, but I enjoyed it for the most part -Ramsey Perez
ReplyDeleteWow, your writing is so poetic. I feel like there is deeper meaning and song behind every sentence, and enjoyed it so much I had to read slowly to fully grasp everything
ReplyDeleteI love the choice of diction in your piece, it gives a feel that it is from an old time or at least not inspired from anything this century. The dialogue also contributes a great deal to the readers prospective.
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Your piece was really engaging. I loved your play with the structure and the vernacular!
ReplyDeleteYour piece is really interesting and beautifully written. You seem so inspired and I wish there was more to read. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this piece, it took me a couple of times to understand what was going on but nonetheless it was a great piece! - Caleb Leyva P.5
ReplyDeleteYour narrative was really intriguing. I love the fact that you wrote about deities and mythology because its one of my favorite topics. I also liked the use of imagery during the anecdote about the sheep and the Shepherd. -Brandon Porter
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this piece. Your word choice and detail was really moving.
ReplyDeleteI admire the plot of the story and the diction assists in playing like a movie in the reader's head.
ReplyDeleteYour writing style in this really reminded me of the writing of Aeschylus. I really like the Greek mythology feel and how you intertwined the mythology into the story. Overall great job.
ReplyDeleteYour diction and syntax is really incredible, it made me feel like I was reading a piece from the 13th century. Every line has an energy to it, every line has meaning and value that adds to the sheer poeticness of this piece. Fantastic work!
ReplyDelete- Brendan Sweeney
Wow!! I really enjoyed your piece. Great work.
ReplyDelete-Briana Santana
Overall great piece. I didn't expect it to end in a game but it was really fun to read.
ReplyDelete-Briana Santana
Tim,
ReplyDeleteI loved how engaging this piece was. In addition, I also loved the use of language in conveying the plot. This was a great piece. Well done!
Lynelle Elhajjmoussa
This piece was definitely different and intriguing, it had me hooked from the start and I love the twists you put on it. Great work!
ReplyDelete