Thursday, April 6, 2017
Our House--Skyler
As we wandered through the dry desert, treading over bushes and long ago filled river beds, we
stumbled upon an old abandoned house. As I looked at Ronald, a sign as to mean “should we
go in?”, he just simply shrugged at me, meaning “I’m down if you are”. We had perfected this
way of speech, communication by means of eye contact and shrugging. We tentatively
approached the house. The windows, some with broken glass and others coated in sand by
years of dust storms. This home was no ordinary house, not only was it miles from the road,
completely isolated, but also different in the way it had it’s own sense of charm and style. We
walked up the cement steps which contained multiple colored marbles of all sizes and colors.
Walking through the doorway a new and overwhelming feeling washed over us, not one of
unease but quite the opposite, one of calm and nostalgia. Ronald looked at me as if saying “Did
you feel that?” I shrugged and simply turned and continued deeper into the house. As we
walked tentatively through the hallway stepping on bits of broken glass and abandoned items I
couldn’t help but feel as if we were being watched. We entered into the kitchen, the cabinet
doors had been ripped off their hinges but still lay on the floor covered in dust, the faded light
blue wallpaper peeling from the walls. Ronald approached the pillar in the middle of the room,
covered in millions of tiny intricate aged pink and no longer white tiles. “This must of taken
forever, the way they’re all spaced differently someone must have done this by hand” He said. I
looked around curiously and found myself drawn to the other side of the house. Through the
broken windows I saw an old and decrepit shed. I slowly walked across the house paying no
mind to the treasures strewn about the floor, my only thought was what could be inside...Ronald
quickly grabbed my arm and pulled me back. I had almost fallen through a hole in the floor
where the wood had eroded away. “What is wrong with you? You need to pay attention you
could’ve gotten hurt!” he said with concern. I quickly retorted “You would never let me get hurt”,
he smiled. Ronald ran back into the kitchen, and I followed. “This should be our house! Think
about it! We could fix it up, make it ours and come down whenever we want”. I looked at him
with confusion, he ran up to me and grabbed my hands. “I love you...please.”
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This is a charming and absolutely beautiful little love story. I love it. Amazing Job Skyler!!!!
ReplyDeleteThis story reminded me of the movie its a wonderful life with Jimmy Stewart because he and his wife buy an old home to fix up and they both fall in love looking at it. -Rachel Smith
ReplyDeleteThis story sort of reminds me of the move "Up" when they buy the old house they use to play in and fix it up to their liking but good job I like this one
ReplyDeleteGreat job! Like Kamryn said it totally reminded me of the movie "Up"! Which I loved, and loved this piece as a well.
ReplyDeleteAWWWW! This story was so cute! It was beautifully written with intricate detail that made this even more exciting to read! Good job(:
ReplyDeleteVery nice story ... as kamryn j stated it reminds me of "Up"
ReplyDeleteThis has such an "Up" vibe to it & I liked it very much! Amazing work!
ReplyDeletei loved how cute this story was, everything about it is so good, good job! -Lyndsey Ortega
ReplyDeleteAw this was such a cute story! I love all of the details you gave; making it seem like we were there right with you! This was a really great piece!
ReplyDelete-Gabbie B.
I really liked the character build up in the beginning how they can easily understand what each other were saying by just their facial expressions. It was a cute little love story and I want to hear more! Hopefully no one dies LOL --Megan T.
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute! It is very well written and really grabbed my attention. Great job! - Jade B.
ReplyDeleteThis story was adorable. I liked how each of the characters liked different things in the house and how even though the house is ugly, they liked it for what it was.
ReplyDelete-Matthew Jimenez
I love the imagery of the house and how even if it was old, they still wanted it for themselves.
ReplyDeleteAgreeably this story does have an "Up" vibe to it but has its own originality! Great job, very enjoyable read!
ReplyDeleteAs others said, it is reminiscent of "Up". Honestly though, when I started reading I didn't really pay attention to the title and I thought they were going into a house that would turn out to be haunted or something (oops). But I love the detail about the condition of the house and the ending was really sweet. Great job!!
ReplyDeletevery cute story. It had a very eerie vibe to it, but i really loved how you ended it.
ReplyDeleteLove story's aren't usually my cup of tea but I actually really enjoyed this one the imagery was very well detailed and I was able to visualize everything that was described great job!!! -Dominic Fierro
ReplyDeleteAww this is such a cute story. It kinda reminds me of young couples that explore places together and create unique memories such as finding abandoned homes from your piece and then later on laugh about it when they're old.
ReplyDeleteGreat detail and imagery it really helped me picture the scene! I think you'd be quite good at writing more stories because you can relay the image you are trying to create really well! I wanna know where this story goes! ;( -Vanessa Lai
ReplyDeleteI was not expecting the story to go in this direction but I love it anyways. It started off seeming as though it was going to be a scary story but then it ended as a love story. I really liked it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteAt first I thought this piece was going to be adventurous and suspenseful, but then it turned into an adorable story which I greatly enjoyed. Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteI liked this piece. I liked the relationship the two characters had it seemed pretty relaxed and genuine. Overall good job!
ReplyDeleteThe details of this story are absolutely perfect! You did a great job at description and I could totally see it before my eyes!
ReplyDeleteIt was cute that they wanted to take the decrepit house and make it into something beautiful. I could truly see the decrepitude through your use of imagery and diction.
ReplyDelete-Sereenah Soare
Such a beautiful story, and Kameryn said it best by comparing it to "Up". Great Work!
ReplyDelete-Jordan Lee
Aww, it's so cute! I was was preparing myself for a scary story when they thought they were being watched, but the ending was so dang cute! Great job!!
ReplyDeleteThis is was such a cute story about young love and new begginings!
ReplyDeleteThe way you described the house as broken down and abandoned made me think of how their relationship could be built up like the house. Amazing imagery and details and cute ending. Great story.
ReplyDeleteAwww I love anything ending with a character saying I love you! I felt as if I was reading a scene from a movie, loved it!
ReplyDeleteThis was so cute and like other people have said it's like the movie Up. All the detail that you added was great. Good job
ReplyDeleteThis piece reminded me of the movie "Up" and it is really cute, this piece is amazing. -Martina Panganiban
ReplyDeleteThis story was cute! I loved it so much! The imagery you used really brought the story to life. It reminded me of the ideal goals people have to buy a house, get married, and live happily together. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Bryanna Torres
I like the "Up" feel of finding an old house that just fits with you, and I enjoyed reading it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteAhhh! I loved this so much. The way you were able to capture (what I assumed) years of friendship between the two characters through those subtle details and how that was able to grow into something more was just perfect. The imagery in the descriptions of the house was beautiful and very well written as well, great job Skyler!
ReplyDeleteThis was such fun to read. The imagery was amazing I felt like I was there.
ReplyDelete-Andy Burgos
wow this story scared me for a second then it turned really cute!! Love it! People do have happy endings:)
ReplyDeleteGreat writing!!!!!
This was really interesting and you did a great job of getting the reader curious by the imagery you used when describing the house. Good work!
ReplyDeleteWow! I love all of the detail you included in this piece and the story you created was so heartwarming. Good Job!
ReplyDeleteThis story is very cute and nice. At first I thought it was going to be a suspenseful story because of the imagery of the house, but it turned out to be very nice little story. Good job!
ReplyDeleteAw what a cute story! I love reading those stories that give those happy jittery feelings :) -Christina Cheng
ReplyDeleteAw this story was super adorable. I hate to sound like everyone else but I also got that feeling from "Up" when I was reading this. Good work ! -J'Noie
ReplyDeleteAhhh!!! The imagery and detail you out within your narrative was so charming! The last "I love you" had me squealing. The way your write shows how much of a passion you have towards your piece and all of us can feel it. Thank you for sharing this heartwarming story :^)
ReplyDeleteWow this is such a cute story, your imagery was amazing it really brought the story to life great job!
ReplyDeleteI'd hate to be repetitive if what has already been said but this movie does remind me of the story told in "Up" , how they buy the old house they met in and used to play in , Beautiful story :-)
ReplyDelete-Narelle Stewart
This is an unexpectedly pleasant story. With all the ominous details like "broken glass" and Ronald using body language to say "Did you feel that?", I was definitely expecting a darker outcome, but you pulled a complete 180 and turned it into something really light and happy, and I really enjoyed that. Great piece and thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete-Christopher Kerwin
The descriptions of this house reminds me of the houses that you see like on your way to Vegas or Arizona that are in the middle of nowhere basically, I always wonder who lives/lived there and what the houses story is. I like the fact that your characters can make their own story in the house they found. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI know everyone else said it but I love "Up" and this reminds me of it, so I loved it.
ReplyDeleteThis was a very nice little story. The house sounds cool and you did a great job with all of the descriptions.
ReplyDeleteI love all the specific details about the house; you made it easy for me to visualize everything. The relationship was also very cute and relatable. We all have those people that we can have a whole conversation with just by looking at them. I really liked this story. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe story has a mysterious tone the helped the piece to create the post doomsday mood. Dialogues in the story adds to the purpose of the author to create a romantic ideal under suspension bridge effect, great work.
ReplyDeleteAgreeing with the others, yes, this did remind me of "Up", it was very cute and sweet, and I enjoyed it.
ReplyDelete- Francis Talla
this was really good and super cute, like 3 other people said already, this reminded me of up. I really enjoyed this piece, great work!
ReplyDeleteQuite a charming little bibelot; simultaneously makes the old, poliphilic soul of mine beam with joy, and the pathological pragmatist in me fear for them being caught for trespassing. (But of course, in a fictional world such concerns are nil)
ReplyDeletethis was such a beautiful story! definitely that cute vibe to it! haha, but great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece, it allowed for people to see the how some relationships could go, a brother and sister or a couple and how if one is in danger the other can be there to help
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Kameryn J, it so reminds me of up.. I love it! Great job!
ReplyDeleteAw this was such a cute story! i love your sense of imagery in this piece. -karina l
ReplyDelete