Comparison--Sherry

 

I’m browsing on Instagram, and amidst my scrolling, I pause on a post of a girl on my feed. I find myself studying her; her hair shines like silk running down her back, her lips curl into a sweet, dimpled smile, and she’s standing in front of a beautiful view, one that completes her post perfectly. I notice that this pattern repeats in all of her pictures, and I think to myself: if I looked like that, maybe I wouldn’t have the problems I have now. The thought sinks from my head and weighs down onto my chest, and I feel a looming sense of inadequacy. 

Our 26th president once said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Yet, we do it more than we want to. The destructive form of comparison is an insidious predator that claws at our self-esteem and prompts us to chase an ultimately unattainable ideal. Seeing someone who excels in aspects we lack causes us to be hyper-aware of our shortcomings. Because of this, we experience feelings of incompetence and insecurity, as if nothing we do will ever be good enough. Although I am well acquainted with its consequences, it remains one of my most unhealthy habits. If I am naturally smart like him, maybe I wouldn’t have to study for hours on end just to receive the same score as those who spent that time sleeping. If I am as pretty as her, maybe I wouldn’t be picking apart my features every time I look in the mirror. If I am more accomplished like them, maybe I wouldn’t have to listen to my parents fawn over just how successful and impressive their friend’s Ivy League-bound child is. All of these thoughts have plagued my mind at one point, and I have let them (shamefully) consume me, leading me to plummet to considerably low points in my life. 

With time and numerous nights of overthinking, I have embraced through the hard way that longing for qualities out of my control will have no effect other than lessening my self-worth. Wishing I was smarter won’t give me better grades. Yearning for someone else’s beauty won’t change my own appearance. Instead of comparing myself to others, I found it more beneficial to compare myself with, well, myself. What are things about me that I can control? How can I hone them into traits I can be confident in? What are the steps I need to take? Instead of wishing I was accomplished, maybe I should broaden my horizons and set clear goals on doing so. Instead of desiring better grades, maybe I should experiment with more efficient study techniques. Developing such a mindset has compelled me to reflectively consider my flaws and concentrate on my abilities to improve them. Since then, I have gained a more positive insight into comparison. In this direction, I strive to be someone who is accepting and content with herself, someone who is grateful for her strengths and receptive to her faults.

I still fall victim to the comparison game sometimes. Talking about ceasing the act is way easier than actually committing to the bit. But for now, I am proud to share that my progress improves little by little one step at a time.