Butterflies--Janine

 

I always get so excited when I see a butterfly. I never see them often, but when I do, I feel hopeful. It seems to me that I only see butterflies on my hardest and best days. In my family, butterflies are our family members coming back to see us. I know it’s a common symbol of reincarnation, but butterflies are so special to me. I remember when my dad told me that after his father died, a butterfly landed on the chair that he always sat at during dinner. No one would sit in that chair after he died, but during one special dinner, a large butterfly flew into the house and just rested on his chair for a while. Maybe it might have just been a coincidence, but to my dad and his family it was their father coming to visit and let them know he is okay. 

Growing up, I was very close with both of my grandmothers. During 2020, they both died within months of each other and everyday I would pray to see a butterfly. Whenever I was outside, I would always remember to look around once in a while, hoping to see something flying by. It took awhile to see a butterfly after their deaths, but the first time that I did, I remember tearing up. It was the only thing that I prayed to see and I felt so happy knowing that they were still around. I carried many regrets and always questioned if I should’ve made the effort to talk to them more, but seeing that first butterfly allowed me to forgive myself for what I didn’t do. Since that day, I occasionally see butterflies while I drive or even just before I leave to go somewhere. If it is just a coincidence that I see them on my best and worst days, I still hold onto that piece of hope that it is one of them looking after me. Butterflies are a symbol of life and I grasp onto that idea as much as I can.

Even if some may not believe that these butterflies are my loved ones, it’s still nice that I feel optimistic about my life every now and then. I always try to incorporate butterflies into my everyday life. Whether it is making a project and somehow adding a picture of a butterfly or picking up the items in the store that have butterflies on them. I found beauty in my grief and I grew hopeful for my future even if I knew my grandmothers wouldn’t be physically there to see me grow up. I love being excited about the little things in life. I love feeling like my grandmothers are somehow still taking care of me. I love seeing butterflies and feeling like just for a second they are with me. For the brief moment I see them before they fly away, it almost feels like everything is just okay. I admire my growth and I truly believe that my loved ones see that from above.