Chapter 18.3--Deisha

 He slowly approached me, eyeing me and my car. I backed up slowly, trying to select a different stop to avoid his presence. Behind my tinted windows, I knew he could still feel my eyes watching his every move, and yet, he still approached me with a slight totter in his left leg. 

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Unnecessary information:

To be quite honest, I was having a day that was *not* ideal. I do not cry, if anything, I cry about three times a year, but today was one of those three days. For the sake of not reliving those past experiences in such vivid detail, I will briefly mention those parts throughout this excerpt of my life.

Anyways, I had just dropped off my brothers off at their friend’s house, and to escape the grudging atmosphere of my home, I decided to go to the farmer’s market. While driving on Baseline, my mother called me to ask about my plans for the day and I said I would be getting gas and heading over to the gas station. As my fuel meter turned red, she notified me that a certain member of our household would finally be leaving. With a sigh of uneasy relief, I said I would still be heading out for the day and would probably join her for a brief lunch.

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I merged into the left lane and waited about 6 seconds for the left arrow to turn green. As I entered the gas station, the entire right side was empty, and I pressed the gas pedal towards the farthest one from me. At that moment, I made eye contact with a homeless man. He slowly approached me, eyeing me and my car. I backed up slowly, trying to select a different stop to avoid his presence, telling myself that because this gas pump has graffiti on its screen, I should go to the one behind me. Behind my tinted windows, I knew he could still feel my eyes watching his every move, and yet, he still approached me with a slight totter in his left leg. As I peered out of my car, I made sure to hold my keys in my left hand, credit card in right, and phone in my left hand as well, with the index finger ready to press the emergency button. How foolish. 

As he slowly came towards me, he carefully asked, “Do you have any change?”

“No, I’m sorry I don’t,” I replied. I did though. I had cashed out some change for the farmer’s market. How selfish.

He hobbled away and I watched his shoulders sink lower as he asked every person in the vicinity. I later watched his back disappear behind the gas station and I continued to seek for him. I felt deep regret along with resentment towards this day. My gas seemed to be taking twice as long as I pondered upon my thoughts of what I could do. 

I quickly walked with my wallet gripped in my left hand. I searched for hot foods in the convenience store, but it just so happened to be closed that day, with the ready meals being unavailable. I decided, maybe I should get him a drink. An Arizona Tea maybe. I was about to get him the green tea version, something even I don’t like. Why are you getting him something you don’t like? Get him something you would buy for yourself. The Mango Arizona. 

I ran across each aisle about 3 times, searching for appropriate food to give the man. Beef jerky? Too hard to chew. Donuts? Too sweet. Pound cake? This will have to do. I selected the pre-sliced poundcake and decided to buy the Arizona and cake for the man. Thinking back now, I feel that I should have given him water. 

While waiting to purchase the items, I peered outside the window to see where he was, but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Maybe I should leave these things with the cashier to give to him? I realized he did not even have a mask. How was he even supposed to come inside here?

The cashier checked out my purchase and I quickly ran out the door, searching for the man. Sprinting outside, I coincidentally and unnecessarily met my Spanish teacher from last year and a short conversation arose. As time swiftly passed, unlike before, I lost the man and I was still holding the poundcake and Arizona. 

I went back to my car and took out my spare disposable masks in my glove box to give to him, if possible. As I completed my gas transaction, I looked around one last time around the station, and yet again, he was nowhere to be seen. I got into my car peering out for him and after a few more glances, I gave up and turned on my engine, and decided to leave. 

But, as I was about to take the right turn out of the area, I turned left, hoping to meet him at the backside of the building. As I took my two left turns, I saw him. He was standing and staring into the distance on the sidewalk. With my hands and legs trembling, I stopped the car, turned on my emergency blinkers, and ran out of the car with the disposable mask, poundcake, and Arizona. I handed it to him saying, “I didn’t have any change, so I bought these inside the store.” He smiled brightly and replied, “I’ll eat this [poundcake] all up. Thank you.”

I said goodbye and went back in my car. For some reason, I exploded into tears after leaving the man. I don’t know why. But while sobbing, I just went to the farmer’s market.