Untitled--Madison

The first time she saw him, she was almost repulsed by his strangeness. She never would have thought that a year and a half later she’d be crazy about him. Throughout the beginning of the early phases of Gabby and Marcus’ friendship, she stayed away and would refuse to even call him a friend. She’d immediately clarify: “He is nothing but an acquaintance!” There was never the bridge between acquaintance and boyfriend and from boyfriend to love of her life... or so she thought. Things with Marcus went so quickly that there was no time for her to process what had really happened. After she became interested, he met her parents and then they went steady for a long time until those final 5 months.
Even though the break up was months ago, Gabby couldn’t help but ponder as to if the decision was right. He’d tell her how much she meant to him and she’d exchange those same feelings. There came a day where it appeared that Gabby’s love was stronger than his. Love is blind and she was oblivious to this. Gabby allowed things that should not have been allowed in fear of Marcus leaving due to the stigma of the “psycho and over controlling” girlfriend that she had seen so many of her peers portrayed as. She kept quiet and obedient in hopes that they’d last forever. She often replays the good memories but also is haunted by the bad that was glazed over for so long.
That kiss:
The first kiss with someone is always special, but more so when it’s the first kiss a person experiences in their lifetime. When it first happened something awakened inside of Gabby. She had no idea why she had said it so quickly, but immediately after she had told Marcus that she loved him. Immediately following the kiss they stood in the middle of where ever they were not caring and just embracing each other. Neither one of them wanted that moment to end. Marcus

told Gabby that this was something that he was going to tell his kids someday. Gabby being so “in love” let these words linger and then began thinking about a distant future with Marcus. The kiss led to many more and a total of 2 years of only kissing each other until one of them decided that they weren’t enough anymore.
Those fights:
Some of the young couple’s biggest downfalls was one: they were young and they both had underdeveloped frontal lobes, and two: there were contradictory conversations that arose after the fact they thought they were too far into the relationship to let these topics come between them. Rather than address the situation at her discretion, Gabby would agree with Marcus in order to ward off a fight each time. He meant to much to her to disagree and chance losing him. Only if that same girl saw what the outside looking in saw.
Those Moments of Friendship:
There would be times where nothing felt romantic. It felt as if for the first time Gabby had a real friend. A permanent friend that wouldn’t get lost in a move or stab her in the back. There was one time she was bribed into watching his favorite movie, as to which she was bored out of her mind. Usually she is restless through movies, but for the sole purpose she was with him, she was still, and content, and happy. Marcus had a strange effect on the typically high strung Gabby. There were also times were nothing was even being done. They just sat there together and the conversation between the two of them filled both the space and the silence of the open field they’d escape to, or the quiet campus after hours. The conversation could even be surrounded by hundreds of others and it would feel as if it was only theirs that existed.
The Physicality:

Them physically was the unhealthiest aspect of the entire relationship mentally and emotionally to Gabby. Marcus was manipulative and Gabby gave to much most of the time but only when Marcus wanted that to happen. It was never Gabby’s decision as to when, how, and exactly how far things went. Then there was the instance where Gabby found him hurting her on purpose and trying to play it off as if it was supposed to be delightful for her. This by far was the most extreme thing that Gabby remained silent about and continued to overlook in fear of losing Marcus. How could someone she loved so much do such a terrible thing to her? This was a question that she asked herself often.
Although these are not all the aspects of the relationship, these are the most frequently replayed in Gabby’s mind. One of the most devastating truths of this clearly toxic in some ways but went unnoticed until one day something clicked. One day Gabby came to what many would describe as a revelation. She realized she was being treated so terribly and needed to get out in order to preserve her sanity, self respect, and future. Marcus took so much of her and altered her as a person so much that she was no longer the person she had wanted to be. How did she let this go on for so long? She can’t decide to be angry with herself or him. She can’t even decide as to if she should feel guilty for being heartbroken because that would be disrespectful to herself. A thought that often reached the darkest part of Gabby’s brain was that he is the person she desires to be there for her and who she can be fully vulnerable with. This is not achievable due to them not making themselves available to each other by no longer associating themselves as a couple and also it would almost be as if she were asking him to hurt her again. The main objective Gabby learned of heartbreak is that one must be careful while distributing vulnerability. A life

lesson Gabby obtained is that she needs to be her unapologetically and use the voice that she has been gifted with so that people have less power to hurt her from now on.