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Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Night Time Nightmare--Deztiny


Today is October 19, 2018, my name is Nina Cole, it’s my 17th birthday, and I am having a huge Halloween party. My mom and dad are out of town and I am asking the whole
senior class to come. I have sent out all the invites, and all I have left to do is decorate my house and get my costume. I asked my friend Macy to come over to help me out a little before it starts. As I watch the clock “tick,tick,tock”, the school bell rings. We rush back to my house to get the decorating done, it took us so long, but the final outcome was pretty amazing. When we were done I sat back and just smiled and said “ Thanks Macy, it looks so good!”, she smiled back at me and said “It’s gonna look even better with your COSTUME and PEOPLE.” she laughs. “I know right! lets go!” So we jump in the car and drove to the store with the music blasting and our hands out the window, as we were driving we heard a couple yelling at each other. Macy looks at me and knows what i’m thinking, so she says “Keep driving Nina, we don’t need to get involved!” But I had to make sure everything was alright, “Macy, if something happens i'll never forgive myself for not helping” I said. As I drove closer to the couple I hear, “I’m Sorry Luke! It was NOTHING!, HE WAS NOTHING, DON’T MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF NOTHING!”she yelled, “ NOTHING?! YOU HAVE A MAN IN MY HOUSE AND YOU SAY IT WAS NOTHING?!” He screams. I sat in terror as I watched the man beat her to death. The man looked at me right in the eyes with a look I couldn’t explain, I tried to start the car, but when I moved he began to charge towards us. He was yelling “NOTHING, IT WAS NOTHING.” I couldn’t get myself to push on the gas, but Macy was screaming “ NINA!GO NOW!” Macy took over the gas pedal and the wheel, it wasn’t long before we crashed into the light pole down the street, I helped Macy out of her seatbelt and pushed her out of the car, she wasn’t moving, I checked for her pulse and screamed for help, but he was getting closer and I was panicked. I had to make a run for it, I had 5 blocks to run if I wanted to make it home.I was determined to not stop or look back until i made it. So I did, I got back to my home where the party had already started. I ran in screaming for help, but it was as if nobody could hear me. I was screaming in the middle of the dancing circle, and still no reaction from anybody. I ran up to my room to call 9-1-1 but my phone was gone. I ran back downstairs and tried to find somebody that could help me, I was trying to shut the party down by , turning off the lights, banging pans together and closing doors, nothing was working. I didn’t understand what was going on. I was thinking maybe the music is too loud, maybe everybody thinks I’m joking. But I couldn’t stay here any longer I was worried about Macy, I had to go see if there were any cops around her and the car. I ran there very cautiously, not knowing if the man saw me run to my house. I knew that if he caught me alone I would surely be dead. I made it back to the scene, where the cops had found Macy and the women who was beat to death. I tried to tell the cops that I know who did it but they walked right through me, literally through me, like I was a spirit. I looked at my hands and feet and wondered how that happened, I must have been dreaming, but it felt too real. I saw the firefighters picking up Macy off the floor, as I sobbed for my friend I tried to wake myself up,
slapping and pinching myself. But I was still here watching Macy be covered, and be put into the back of the ambulance. The firefighters looked back into the car, I try to tell them “There isn’t anybody else, it was just the two of us, we weren’t drinking if that’s what you're looking for.” As I speak at them they pull out another body, it was another girl my age ,she was wearing my shoes, my pants and my shirt, and I looked at her face as they put her in a bag and I noticed..... “THAT’S ME!” I said quietly. “THAT’S ME! That can’t be me i'm here, WHY AM I STILL HERE?” I look around and yell “WAKE UP! WAKE UP!, YOU NEED TO OPEN YOUR EYES! WAKE UP!” As I stand doubtfully about the situation, I am unsure why I am still here. A bright light then shines in my face, with a voice saying “Nina come on we need to go home.” “I want to go home, I want to go back home to my mom and dad, I want to say i'm sorry for having the party, i'm sorry for not going with them and spending my 17th birthday with them.” I cried “Nina what are you talking about? Were here, what party?” says mom “Mom? Is that you?” I asked confused “Yes Nina, I'm here and so is dad, your ok.” she says. “Mom.. Dad I had such a bad dream, I had a party and my and..... Macy..Macy!! Where is Macy I need to call her!” I said, “I’m right here Nina!” Macy said, “I Love You Macy! Don’t ever get in a car with me, I still don’t have my license.” I laughed “I know that I’m not dumb.” she said sarcastically. “I love you.”

25 comments:

  1. This is a heartwarming story. And with such a heartbreaking ending too. I love it, great job, and sorry for your loss.

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  2. Your story was very interesting and you did an amazing job with the plot and tone. While reading it, I felt like I was right there with Nina and experiencing the the story through her. Fantastic Job.

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    1. I'm glad you felt that way! That's exactly what I was going for.

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  3. I can hear Deztiny's voice when reading this piece and it makes me so happy. I love the story! Great job Dez, love you! -Sofia Rosales

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    1. HAHA that's funny, thank you Fiee

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  4. I really enjoyed this piece, the imagery and detail within really made me feel as if I was experiencing this right along with you. What a roller coaster of emotions that you had to go through. Great Job!

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed it, thank you for reading it.

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  5. Very cool story, it was exciting and easy to follow. The descriptives were effective in bringing the reader in and the shift at the end was an exciting way to conclude the story. Overall, very interesting.

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  6. Wow this one kept me at the edge of my seat. Great job by adding the twist that the girl was dead and then eventually maligning it clear that it was all a dream.

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    1. Thank you so much for reading my story, I am so glad you enjoyed it.

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  7. This was a nice read!

    I personally didn't find this story scary so much as it was entertaining. As soon as the car crashed I assumed she died, as it was in October. Some of the story may have been a bit confusing but in a way it adds to the whole, "it was a dream," situation. This was a twist since usually Halloween doesn't have a happy ending, but this one does.

    Side note, Your imagery was quite well, especially the part where Nina described the "girl" in the car that was "wearing the same clothes" it added a nice touch; it seemed as though it were actually happening. I think that people would have a hard time believing they were dead, which is exactly what you showed here.

    -Deacon Ortiz

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  8. This piece was very enjoyable to read. The use of imagery really made it feel like I was right there experiencing the whole story. The reader is filled with a multitude of different emotions witch made this piece very enjoyable.

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  9. Victoria Ervin
    per.4
    I really enjoyed reading this story. You did a good job with the build up of the story and making it suspenseful.

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  10. Wow!! Deztiny this story was absolutely amazing, all of the plot twists had me on the edge of my seat. This story definitely gave me the chills, and maybe even broke my heart a little.. Great write!!
    - hannah long

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  11. Great Story Overall, it gives the reader an exhilarating feel throughout the entirety of the story and I can tell the amount of passion and emotion the author has put into this blog just by reading it. Great job!

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  12. I loved the entire story, and I especially liked the amount of capital letters to emphasize what was being said.
    -Brooke Vanassa

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  13. Your writing style is really interesting. I really liked the use of imagery and how thought out it was. The story had twists and turns resulting in a heartbreaking ending. This was such an interesting piece, keep up the good work!!
    Garret Janikowski
    Period 4

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  14. Nice story, the detail used to describe the experience made the story more interesting to read. Nice Job!

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  15. this piece is really captivating I really enjoyed the amount of detail you used. Great Job!

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  16. When I read this piece I was fully engaged and wanted to keep on reading. I did enjoy the story line that you developed in a short piece and they way you used good detailing to tell your story. Keep up the good work.
    -Roman Santos

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  17. I was surprised by both of your plot twist incorporated into your writing, her actually dying in the car accident and then finally it all being a dream. It was a classic writing style that you made your own and filled with imagery.

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  18. To be honest, when I realized that the girl had died I was lowkey sad and shook at the same time. Extremely heartwarming story and it was a very fun yet sad read. -Eric Vercher

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  19. Wow! what a great plot twist! Your vivid imagery brought the entire scene into life. It kept me engaged throughout the story, wanting for more. Great Job!

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