The Moment Her Life
Changed
He was the one who smiled. He was the one who took bad
situations and made them good. He turned sad days into happy days. When he
left, Hannah was scared.
He was right out of high school and wanted to make something
of himself. His grades throughout life were mediocre. He loved fitness and looked
forward to going to the gym everyday. Hannah encouraged him to shoot for the
stars even though he never thought he was worth anything. He was scared, but
more anxious than anything. He signed all the papers and took the oath. He came
home and informed Hannah that he was all set and would depart in a month’s
time. She was terrified. The worst thoughts popped into her head. Would he make
it home? Would a complete stranger take him away from her?
They spent the last day together before he left the next
day. He planned a whole day just to spoil her and to reassure her that all was
going to be okay. He picked her up in his old Ford truck and they went to the
beach where they laughed, cried, and held each other. They jumped in the
freezing water and smiled like they never smiled before. He took her to their favorite restaurant,
Betty’s Burgers, where they devoured their cheeseburgers, enjoyed each other’s
company, talked about how they met, and how much they love each other. He took
her home right before her curfew, walked her up to her door, and starred at his
love. He flashbacked to the first day he saw her and smiled because he loved
how much he loved her. They passionately kissed and promised each other that no
matter what happens, they’ll smile because of the love they shared.
He left the next day and Hannah was scared. She felt like he
should always be by her side, but she knew that was selfish of her. A month
went by, then 6 months, then a year. Even though two years went by, her love
for him never changed. She awaited his arrival home, which was only two months
away. She couldn’t wait. He followed his dream and so did she. She went to
college and worked part time at Betty’s Burgers and constantly smiled at their
booth they used to frequent.
She came home from a tiring day at work with the thought of
his coming home keeping her going. The doorbell rang. She opened the door.
Standing at the door, was a tall man in uniform with a telegram from the USMC.
He said I’m very sorry and walked away. Did her worst fear become reality?
She opened the envelope that said,
“Ms. Hannah Faye,
The United States Marine Corp is very sorry to inform you
that Lieutenant Bradley John Hart has passed away from unknown causes at this
time…”
She couldn’t read anymore. She was scared.
wow mckenzie that was truly amazing. i kind of saw if coming, but i loved how you ended it!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, my heart was literally breaking at the end, I definitely have a soft spot for military stories. Beautifully written, definitely pulled at your heart strings and made me happy visualizing this young couple in love! :)
ReplyDelete:,((( omg no! first off, you are an amazingly beautiful writer. This had me in tears to be honest, like omg. It was so sad that they were so close to seeing each other and then he's gone. I loved how at the beginning you repeated that he was scared, but then at the end she was the one who was scared. I absolutely loved it though, it really made me think about spending as much time as possible with my loved ones before I can't anymore.
ReplyDeleteOMG! this made me cry! The hard part of your piece is that this happens everyday and we do not expect things like these to happen especially to loved ones with military families. We need to remind ourselves that we must love eachother before time has run out, just simply saying goodbye to someone especially when some of us are going off to college leaving their parents and to live by themselves, it is tough, but we must acknowledge to thank people who loves us and sacrifice their lives for us. Without the American forces, we will never be protected, they too sacrifice their own life to train and become a warrior for our country and we must thank them for that. This was a great piece ! The ending made me so sad...
ReplyDeleteOMG! *tear That was so sad but so beautifully written! The way that you explained their last day together really made me fall in love with their relationship. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteOh dear, this is so sad... How she never let go of what she loved even after all those years..and her biggest fear came true. Just so depressing..
ReplyDeleteI really like this piece. It has a superb plot. For one of your AP essays, you should just write this story:P
ReplyDeleteNoooo! I was hoping for a happy ending. This had so much emotion & truly made me have a million different feelings! Great job!
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh! I didn't see the ending coming. Really good story! So sad and amazing at the same time. Good job!
ReplyDeleteNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *grabs Kleenex* </3
ReplyDeleteThis piece was extremely powerful when you consider that events like this occur outside of our own happy world. The ending was a bit predictable, and I felt confused at the very last sentence. Was she scared of feeling unprotected? Or is it being used as a form of deep emotional heartbreak? Otherwise I really loved this and I think you're very talented.
Its crazy how true this can be for so many people out there, Nice Job!
ReplyDeleteWow Mackenzie you truly have a talent for writing! The whole story just flowed and I gobbled it all up! This love story is a classic and the ending the ultimate tragedy. reminds me of the late fourties when all the wives were sending their husbands off to war with no certainity. Great story! You truly struck my emotions.
ReplyDeleteNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My heart literally dropped! Why did you play my life with the cutest story until the end? daaannngg. I like how you set up the charcters to make the audience fall in love with the relationship and then boom...all of a sudden it got real. Good job though!
ReplyDeleteWhy did you have to end it like that? Too sad. :(
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I only felt this way because you fully developed your characters and story line, great job!
way to burn us by not even saying his name until he was gone. dang. Loved the how the first and last sentence were somewhat synonymous. A story ending the same way it began. Representing how she's stuck? Like the story is on repeat ya know? thank you for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteWow negative Mackenzie this was great even though the ending was not a happy one I live this story
ReplyDeleteGosh, you had me ready to cry. This story is so common for anyone who's been departed and separated from their loved ones. Great detail.
ReplyDeleteWow, I was really enjoying this until those last few sentences.. why?!. The atmosphere you created in the story made me not think that their story was too good to be true. I'm curious to find out what happened though!!
ReplyDeleteomg so touching, good job
ReplyDeleteThis was great! Brilliantly written; keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteWhy did I tear up even though I knew it was coming. Oh you just stabbed my heart a little bit. "He loved the way he loved her." I just love that line I want somebody to love the way they love me ugh sad day. :(
ReplyDeleteI liked that last dramatic line--it felt like the perfect ending for a flash fiction. You wrote scenes full of imagery depicting what their relationship was all about and that made the last scene effective.
ReplyDeletewoah...... sooo deeep, then the end was like a punch to the face. You have such a way with words.
ReplyDeleteNO! I was really loving the story, and sadly like most girls, was anticipating a happy ending...I was beautifully written though. I hope there's a part two in the future...
ReplyDeleteThis is a sad piece but very beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteThis was unexpected for me, very heart filling
ReplyDeleteGreat story, yes the ending is very sad, but you put it all together very well.
ReplyDeletethe feels are to much. the story was so sad thought out the whole piece while i was reading i was expecting and waiting for the part to come and then it came i became sad.
ReplyDeleteWay to go and break my heart man :/.
ReplyDeletewell that wasnt a real happy ending, but I loved the bittersweet feel it gave off, such a sad story! ): but I loved it
ReplyDeleteWhenever I see scenes like this story in a movie you better know I'm crying my eyes out! This touched my heart, and seriously i would not be able to handle having my man out on the battle field. Everyone says "they do it because they want to protect me, they do it because they love me." Well I think different! If he loved you, he'd stay by your side until you died... Kinda like the Notebook except Noah actually does go to war and all. But thats not the point! Point is I loved it and I'm moved!
ReplyDelete- Hannah Mueller (12) per. 3
I really enjoyed the ending, good job!
ReplyDeleteNO nO! That is not how it's supposed to end. I was like expecting it to be some dream or something. This is so sad and to think people actually go through it. Beautifully written though.
ReplyDeleteAHHH! ohmygosh! I'm such a hopeless romantic! i loved this so much!! it made my emotions go everywhere! you write so well! great job!!
ReplyDeleteYour piece I believe is very powerful you captivated your reader and truly presented a story that is worth telling. You helped send a multifaceted interpretation with your work you brought up the attention of love, fright to signal the root of our human emotions and how we depend and thrive on companion ship and when that is gone we are left alone we are “scared”. Yet you also helped honor the soldiers, women and men that tribute their lives to defend our own and that sacrifice must be payed its respect and honor that it deserves. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteAww that ending was totally unexpected. But what a good read!!
ReplyDeleteI like the ending and how it was rather simply put "she was scared". "The one in front of the gun lives forever"- Kendrick Lamar.
ReplyDeleteThis story makes us all appreciate the people who are important to us and to never take them for granted.
ReplyDeleteYou made me cry...I am not afraid to deny it...it really hit close to home...man...this was powerful and I loved the storyline....it seems we are all going to be doing this soon with each other in a bit and for me thats why I was able to really relate to the characters...they were so real...I loved it...
ReplyDelete