The Man in the Yellow Suit
He slowly began
walking away wanting simply to forget all that had happened. He continued to
walk down slowly into the stillness of the night and lowered his head in shame
unaware of how he could ever live with this. After what seemed like hours of
walking he heard a clap, and almost immediately he looked up to see a long tall
man in what appeared to be a yellow suit with red stripes as once again he
clapped he began to walk closer the man he noticed the man was starring
directly at him while still clapping in the same beat. Aware that the man might
be another junkie he crossed the street hoping to avoid him, but each time he
looked up the man in the yellow suit was staring intently at him with a nice
wide grin. Eventually he passed the man in the yellow suit and continued
walking until the man nearly disappeared from his thoughts. At that moment he
heard a loud and powerful clap, startled he turned around to see not far behind
the man in yellow wait staring at him standing completely upright with the same
wide grin as before. He walked away from the man thinking to himself that the
man was another drug addict like the other, until he heard light footsteps
coming from behind him. Trying not to make it to obvious he walked faster
nearly at his car, then he heard the pace of the footsteps increasing rapidly.
Without a second thought he broke into a sprint running with all his might
trying to avoid a repeat of what happened. He turned behind him to see the man
in yellow suit running after him, and he didn’t stop running not until he saw
his car. No more than ten yards away from his car he then turned around walking
backwards towards his car ensuring the man was no longer following him. That’s
when he bumped into the car, feeling secure hi took a large breath a turned
around only to come face to face with the man in yellow suit. The man was close
to him their faces almost touching he could feel the man’s hot breath on his
face. Almost immediately he pulled his gun pointing it at the man’s heart just
waiting for him to move. The man in yellow suit leaned in and whispered a
single phrase “thanks for the fun tonight” and with that a loud bang echoed in
the night. The man simply walked away without a second thought blood had been
splattered everywhere the in the yellow suit leaned on in and placed a Band-Aid
on the hole he had left in this man’s head. And with that he walked off into
the night clapping periodically just waiting for some lowly person to walk by
and make the same mistake that they always do.
The ending was very unexpected, I loved how the story seemed to come together at the end :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I read the title, I automatically assumed the story would have something with Curious George. It was the complete opposite however and made my skin crawl. I didn't think a brief story would leave me with so much anticipation. Nicely done, Chris, I just might have nightmares tonight :o
ReplyDeleteGreat story! Wow it seem like a case from the tv show Castle! The bandaid placed over the mans head is very detailed.
ReplyDeleteMind blown ending! I'm still trying to wrap my whole head around it but I love it!
ReplyDeleteThis was so suspenseful! I absolutely loved it! This would be such a great Halloween story!
ReplyDeleteWait! Write more! I want to know more about these characters! What happens now? Is someone else going to die? It was a very grabbing read
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this! It was really suspenseful and exciting. It kept me wanting the story to go on for more surprises. The detail and descriptions of what was happening really brought me in.
ReplyDelete"Placed a Band-Aid over the whole..", what in the world! How do you think of this stuff that image stood out among the rest and it seemed like symbolism to me. Like, people cause so much destruction, yet think that simply covering their tracks can compensate for the damage they caused or "make it all better".
ReplyDeleteThis was very exciting. If only flash fictions actually lasted a lot more. I must know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteI really did not think it was going to end like that, I thought for some reason the yellow suit man was going to be good, then BOOOOM, and this totally reminded of slender man. was that were you got the idea?
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Bianca, at first the man in the yellow suit was just like in Curious George! Great Story! I could see you being a future famous author in suspense/ thriller book. Claps to you! This is amazing and made me had goosebumps
ReplyDeleteWow, this was a very suspenseful story! I love how detailed you were thorughout the story. Too bad you didnt make it longer because I'd love to see what would happen next.
ReplyDeleteI thought this piece was very suspenseful and it makes me want to know more about the character. I enjoyed reading this very much.
ReplyDeleteDUDE! oh my goodness. I was legit sitting here with my mouth wide open dying inside lol that was so dang good. I can't even formulate words. It was short but creepy but intriguing but haunting and it had me nervous and anxious and oh my lord that ending. I can't even right now. It was like a scary movie but in a short story, similar to The Conjuring with the clapping. That was so twisted and sardonic and caustic and acerbic. Well done Chris. Hats off to you! Now to read it again (:
ReplyDeleteThis story reaffirms the need for every man, women and child to know the basic fundamentals of Krav Maga so they may disarm a man in a yellow suit, waiting to shoot them in the face with a gun.
ReplyDeletebtw What mistake do people always make? I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS FOR YOU!!
ReplyDeleteGood story i was a little confused at first but then i reread the story and understood, also good use of imagery while i was reading i pictured everything that was happening in my head.
ReplyDeletetotally agree with Ocean about the band-aid, that was the most frightening part to me.
ReplyDeleteAs I read the title, I knew it was goin to be scary because if Slender man. I think I need to take a chill pill because just reading this made me frightened. Very good horror!
ReplyDeleteI feel like there was some commas or periods needed to be added. But overall, it was a suspenseful, interesting story!
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone saying HOW, WHAT, WHEN, WHY!? I wonder what the man was feeling so guilty about before his crossings of this man in the yellow suit. I wonder what this man did to deserve his death, i loved how it was creepy the man was.. always having that wide grin, very interesting, lots and lots of imagery popped out to me and i loved it i felt like i was almost watching this whole thing go down
ReplyDeleteWOW that was really interesting! Leaves me wanting to know what happened before the man in the yellow suit got him. There's so much left unsaid that I really want to know. The climax really felt like a "bang" and with that the ominous and suspenseful feelings inside me were caught just like the man's confusion and fear he had. "Thanks for the fun" Chris!
ReplyDeleteYO. incredibly vivid, yea i agree there were some grammatical errors but they weren't too noticeable. I enjoyed the variation of sentence length, i'm not entirely sure it was intentional, kind of an unconscious thing to shorten sentences as the scene gets more intense but all the same great effect. In the ending i at first thought the man running had shot the man in the yellow suit and i was like WOAH PLOT TWIST WE THINKING HE WAS GONNA BE THE VICTIM BUT THEN BOOM but thenit was actually the manin the yellow suit which still had a nice sizzle. Maybe as the story develops he could have a flashback as to how he became the man in the yellow suit, and like he was a planned victim but then boom he turned into the bad guy. I dunno. The ending was great, the second to last sentence was a little confusing, at first i thought the victim had gotten up and walked away but after he walked away the yellow man place a band aid on the hole in the body of the man but not the man himself is that what was happening no i dunno? GREAT characteristics. This characters profile though, so creative and incredibly sadistically fun. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteProdigious!!! hahah I thought the twist ending was just mind blowing. And I'm not sure why but the yellow suited man reminded me of Naughty Ned from Courage the cowardly dog show but again I really enjoyed this piece.
ReplyDeleteWHAT HAPPENS NEXT!?? This is such a great story, I absolutely loved the way you left so many of us wanting to know more! The ending had to be my favorite part!
ReplyDeleteI wish I had an imagination like you! Great writing!(:
ReplyDeleteThis reminded be of poetry: it's suspenseful, and it has a message behind it. The man should have trust in his instincts to get out of there. Seeing a yellow suit (do they even exist?) should have foreshadowed something to him. Nice work btw :)
ReplyDeleteHad me at the edge of my seat! Good job
ReplyDeleteThis was very suspenseful! It kept me on my toes the entire time I was reading it! You have a great skill in writing! I want to know what happens next!
ReplyDeleteThis was very suspenseful! You kept me on my toes the entire time! You have amazing writing skills! I want to know whats gonna happen next!
ReplyDeleteThe thought and work put into this was intense ... You do a good job of conveying a plot
ReplyDeleteThis was a very emotional passage. I loved that you shared you're heart out. Death is something hard to deal with. Props on a good touching blog
ReplyDeleteWoah, I'm a little scared/ freaked out right now. The intensity and suspense was awesome! The unexpected ending was creepy and fun!
ReplyDeleteOkay so I felt like I was watching a suspense movie! Love it! Scary! The ending is epic! So creative!
ReplyDeleteWow, I loveee the vivid picture you gave me. I felt like I was watching the man in the yellow suit shoot the unsuspecting man. You are indeed a gifted writer
ReplyDeleteWhat where you thinking... The story line was intriguing, the constantly crescendo of the plot created suspense that keep me grasped to the chair. The beginning started of slow but eventually it reached a critical point that was just speeding and at a flash of second it happened. Well written and strong usage of structure and symbolism
ReplyDeleteJesus Ruiz
This was so suspenseful, I love it. It still has me thinking about the ending.
ReplyDeleteI felt like this was just a small excerpt from a much bigger story, as though we were just dropped into the middle of something important. It was interesting and left me with more questions than when I started, which is good because I feel that literature was created to confuse the minds of high schoolers.
ReplyDeleteThis is great suspenseful story. I'd really love to know what happens next in the narrative, if there is more.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was so intense! I was reading so fast because I wanted to find out what was going to happen! Definitely an unexpected ending! I really like where you were going with this and wish i could read more! I am really curious to know the background behind this story like who were the two men? where were they? what did they do to end up in the situation they were in? You did a really good job!
ReplyDeleteWow amazing. Had me on my toes. Each sentence had me wondering what next. Did he find more victims and what was his purpose for it all? Really great story! You really brought it to life.
ReplyDeleteI instantly thought the man in the yellow suit with red stripes was Ronald McDonald and he stalked the guy because he was "lovin' it". Both the fast food clown and your character parallel the same creepy qualities. I doubt that's what you were going for but I'll leave it to different interpretations.
ReplyDeletethis story did a good job on keeping the readers in suspense and it had the spook in it.
ReplyDeleteWoah! How creative! Unexpected twists all the way through the entire piece kept us readers on our toes! Excellently written and a refreshing taste of a thrilling story that we don't get to see often! I really enjoyed reading this!
ReplyDeleteThe mystery reminded me of the urban legend of Slender Man, however, the name evoked the thought that I had possibly previously heard it, and after some research I came upon that I had; does the title have anything to do with the movie produced in 2002?
ReplyDeleteThe movie title was titled Tuck Everlasting. I realized that I hadn't mentioned that.
ReplyDeleteHaha this was so good! I felt like I was reading like a Edgar Allan Poe book. Write a book.
ReplyDeleteThis was so suspenseful! And the ending had such an unexpected twist.
ReplyDeleteNot going to lie.. the first time I read this, I was extremely confused. After about the third time, I think I got it. Very suspenseful and shocking, I loved it!
ReplyDelete