Heartbreak Anniversary--Genesis

 

This is a story that many can probably relate to. It may be stupid or ridiculous to many, but it is

the truth that ALL of us have felt or will feel the emotion of loneliness. That was me, about half

a year ago. I was in my junior year of college and being an independent person, or so I would

like to think, I was living on campus at the University of California State Fullerton. This is

important, as this university was a key moment in this lonely instant of my life. My name is

Marilyn Scott and I am twenty-one years old, and this is a story surrounding my vulnerability,

and mostly of what I thought my first heartbreak was. Now realizing, it was a mere lesson,

nonetheless one, many of us are forced to learn in order to grow.

I had a friend named Ruby who was so adventurous and spontaneous that we were polar

opposites. She was the first friend I had ever had at Fullerton and not to mention the first friend

that made me step out of my comfort zone so easily. We had been friends for our sophomore year

and now we were roommates in our dorm for our junior year. One night we were doing laundry

together when she pointed out randomly, “You know what, I know someone who you would look

great with”. It was so random that she caught me off guard. Though it was just for a split second

I answered, “who” with curiosity. She said Tate Walker. I replied laughing, “Tate?, I don’t know

who you’re talking about Ruby.”. “Oh come on Marilyn!”, she said frustratingly, “Here look”.

She showed me a picture and I immediately had the perception of him that he was no good for

me and possibly the complete opposite of what I had wanted for myself. I was lonely at the time

so I agreed to let her “hook me up” as she had said, thinking nothing much of it…

The next week Ruby and I are out getting a coffee when Ruby randomly sees Tate and

immediately begins telling me to go to him. I declined so fast and repeatedly because I knew that

Ruby was going to make it happen even if I had shown the slightest interest in Tate. But, as

you’ll soon learn, Ruby does not take no for an answer. So I was literally dragged by my arm by

her at that moment all the way to Tate who was putting something away in a black backpack that

looked almost as if it was glowing because of how new it was. I was taken aback from being

pulled to him that I did not notice how I might have looked or acted because all I was looking at

was Tate.

Tate had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. They were so dark yet so beautiful that all I

could do was stare at them. They were almost light because of how dark they were, light had

reflected off of them and were glistening right at me. He was wearing a navy blue turtleneck

sweater and black loose jeans with white converse. While I was examining Tate, I could hear

Ruby speaking about me to him as if I wasn’t just standing there. Though, whatever she said

worked because after this Tate would speak to me every day after that…

We continued to get to know each other over the phone or in between classes for the next few

weeks. Yet we did not go out until the third week of us getting to know each other, however, it

was not to dismiss the immense feelings that I was experiencing for Tate. It was something that I

had never felt before. I know now that it was a mix of infatuation and illusion, though then, I

could have sworn he was to be the one for me. But that would be foolish to think of now…

Weeks passed and by this time Tate and I had been going out to more and more places. He had

even mentioned meeting my parents. I had never brought a boy back to meet my parents because

I never wanted my love life to be in the spotlight. Well, despite my best efforts to claim that it

was not the right time, I knew in my heart that Tate was the one for me and that no matter what

was to happen after I was happy right then with him. More than I had ever been. But here is the

issue. I was also more scared than I had ever been with anyone. Butterflies in my stomach should

have been alarms because that fear that I had was the most truthful thing that came out of the

experience. Because I was proven right…

When meeting my parents, it was a mere hello and goodbye though I felt so proud to introduce

Tate. My parents were not that impressed, yet they only wanted what was best for me, which

they thought was my happiness, so they told me they were happy for me too. A week after Tate

met my parents, he asked me to be his girlfriend. The way he did it was the most romantic

experience I had lived. We went to a park at around eight PM when there was nobody there. We

played in the park as if we were third graders again living our best life with no responsibilities.

I remember how we were on the swings and talking about everything that came to my mind. I

felt so enthralled by him that I lost track of time. Before we knew it it was eleven PM. But he

pointed out how we had not gone to the tower yet. This tower seemed like it was straight out of a

movie. It was covered in white lights and had an open roof where the crescent moon was

perfectly fitted above us. While we were up there he pulled me close and explained to me how I

was “everything” to him at that moment. And that is when he asked me if I could “be his”. I,

without a second thought, said “yes”. After this perfect day, everything went downhill…

It turns out that everything had been a lie. It was but an experiment of Tate’s the entire time. You

see, Tate was getting no luck with the girls as he wanted. Girls seemed to be more “uptight” and

not as easy here at Fullerton. Now that was a challenge that Tate wanted to pursue. He noticed

me right away as falling under that description. I was the hardest yet. And that was something

that Tate was ready to do and to take me down, no matter what he had to do, to do what he

wanted.

The fact is that I never gave him what he wanted. Once it was over, and not to mention that he

broke things off within a month of us being official and over text. It was the most heart

wrenching thing I had experienced. After it was over I began to realize everything was fake. I

had made up every action and word of Tate to be perfect. But the truth was that he was mediocre.

Nothing of what I had felt was real to him, it was all an act. And for five months after that I

could not get Tate out of my head. As I am writing this, it is the sixth month and I am now able

to say that I am okay. Living back through all the passions and the conversations, I am now

realizing that it was all me. I made the relationship or whatever it was. It was all me, Marilyn,

and Tate was nothing but a selfish boy who marked up the whiteness of me yet in some manner

made me pink rather than gray. Pink, meaning stronger. That is why it being the anniversary of

this “heartbreak” I can now say that it was not much of one for me but one for Tate. And all the

others that are like Tate. I am now capable of realizing my worth as it should have been seen

long before Tate, yet Tate and everyone like him will see their own deserved worth soon enough.