The year was 2015. I was in my happy place, my home away from home...Costa Rica. Our
yearly trips were undefeated and who knew how unforgettable this trip would be. I wake up one
morning to the sound of the birds chirping when my mom yells “apurate ya nos vamos para la
playa,” we were headed to the beach! I got ready so fast that I was running out the door almost
forgetting my beach towel. We arrived, Playa Blanca, I stepped out of the car and the first thing
that hit me was the fresh sea breeze with the sound of the waves crashing down. The
excitement caused me to drop everything running to the ocean ready to jump in. I immediately
stopped in my tracks...all I see is a bright red flag after flag along the beach. Confused, the
lifeguard had approached me with girls on either side of him informing me that there was a high
tide and it is dangerous to enter the water. My feet sunk into the sand, I couldn’t believe I
couldn’t swim in the crystal clear water that had me so content. My tia saw this written all over
my face and asked me, “Can you swim?” I reply with “Yes” then she proceeds to say “Let's go
as long as you wear some water shoes so your feet don’t get cut by the coral reefs.” I agreed.
Thrilled that I was able to go in the ocean I jumped up ready to head straight for the sea. My tia,
2 older cousins, and I head down to the shore feeling the warm water touch my toes with a big
grin following. We had been deep enough where most of our bodies were underwater while still
being able to touch the ocean floor. Wave after wave had come and I was having the time of my
life being able to dive under and jump over each wave with my family. We had been in the
middle of a conversation when my cousin had noticed a massive wave coming our way, all of us
right away submerged under the water holding my breath and only feeling the pressure of the
wave crashing over me. I pushed myself back up to get above the surface and immediately
noticed that my feet no longer touched the ocean floor, but was still able to keep my head above
water without an issue. My tia saw the struggle and asked “Jessica are you touching the floor?” I
respond with “no,” my cousin looks at my tia concerned and says, “let's head in closer to
shore.” At this moment an unsettling feeling about the ocean overcame me. There was one big
wave after another, and no matter how hard we tried to swim back to shore it seemed as if we
hadn’t moved at all. The rip current had a hold of us and the only way out was if we swam
parallel to the shore to get out of the flow, but the water shoes caused the water to pull me back
even more than the others. In this instant, my cousin started to help me by pushing me closer to
shore while my tia yelled for help from my cousin Kevin who was on shore taking pictures of
shells. Kevin finally turned around only to think we were just waving to say hi so he proceeds to
wave back, turn around and take more pictures of shells. With every push, I could feel my
cousin becoming weaker and him having to swim for himself. While the rest of my family were in
a deep sleep my Tio had decided to take one look up before going to take a nap and had
noticed that we were crying for help. While the lifeguard had still been flirting with the girls from
earlier my Tio yelled at him, “My family is out there needing help and you're here flirting.” The
lifeguard annoyed starts slowly making his way down the beach to help us. Clueless to what
was happening onshore I had been taking the deepest breath my lungs could hold and did like
Dory once said and just kept swimming. I could feel my body slowly become more worn out with
each breath of air I came up for but with this, I could see the lifeguard and Tio come closer and
closer. I had gone under the water one last time knowing that when I went back up for air that
would be the last time, I was ready to let the ocean win. I went up to take my final breath and
this is when the lifeguard and my Tio had been there with the buoy ready for me, I had latched
on to it so quickly I hadn’t even blinked. We made it safely back onto the shore explaining to my
family what had happened still shaking from the events that had just occurred. Although I still
swim in the ocean freely and am not afraid of it, this day I learned one valuable lesson that has
stuck with me since then, do not ignore the red flags.
The reader is left in this consistent paranoia and suffocating state while reading the imagery of this piece. The importance of the red flag also comes off as informative to any younger readers that haven't taken the ocean seriously.
ReplyDeleteThis piece is really well-written and super descriptive, I could picture the whole thing. You did a really good job of building suspense and that made your story super interesting and made me not want to stop reading. Overall, great job and I'm glad it had a happy ending!
ReplyDelete-Alexis Rosenzweig
Woah, that was suspenseful! It was serious and heart-pounding, but that lifeguard wasn't doing his job (That was kind of funny lol.)! And, I like how the piece still had a meaningful message at the end. The ocean is scary!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great piece that shows the importance of the red flag. The descriptive piece helped paint the picture in my head perfectly, and the imagery helped convey the feeling to the reader as well. Good Job!!!
ReplyDelete-Shrey Shah
Loved this well written piece that is so descriptive you can see all of the imagery as you read in your head. The building of the plot line and suspicion to entice the reader was great. Really amazingly written piece.
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece just due to how I can relate on the home away from home. The imagery and storytelling were on point along with the slight pieces of comedy like the Dory quote towards the end. - Kahea DePonte
ReplyDeleteYour description is very vivid and detailed that give us insight on the speaker's experience of the wave crashing and hitting you. The imagery was so spot-on that I could see the whole piece happening and the caveat at the end was a great closing! - Everett A.
ReplyDeleteI loved this piece!! I feel that the "red flags" in our life don't need to be physical, but can also be emotional, mental, and spiritual flags that warn us to choose a different, better path. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed the suspense in this piece, it was extremely attention-grabbing because of the detailed imagery as well as the inclusion of the brief moments of comedy. I also think with this piece of writing came a valuable lesson that if a person is faced with a possibly dangerous situation, it is important to look at the red flags and steer away from the situation.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed this piece and found it extremely attention-grabbing because of the detailed imagery as well as the brief comedy towards the end of the piece. I also found it important that you included such a valuable message that when faced with a situation that has potential red flags, it is necessary to steer away before danger may occur.
ReplyDeleteGreat piece, it's amazingly written and in-depth. You really did a fantastic job of building up the suspense of being out in the ocean. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this!
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully written. I rally enjoyed this piece from the beginning all the way till the end.
ReplyDelete-Dejanae Perry
This was a really descriptive piece and was really able to captivate the emotions you were feeling. Its very true about the fact that people ignore red flags and we never really understand the importance of them until after we experience them. This was a very well-written piece, good job!
ReplyDelete-Johanna Medina
While the readers know in the end you make it out okay, it was still a very suspenseful read! The emotion was very present and it made my heart race. Well-written piece, and thank you for writing! ~Marisa J
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job with your imagery and really making the reader experience everything that you were going through, from the nice cool beach to the unforgiving tide. I'm glad that you made it out okay and that even though it was a scary experience, you still aren't afraid to go out in the ocean today. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThe very descriptive actions of all characters in the scene helped create suspense on the state of the narrator stuck in the ocean. The last sentence is a great message for the reader which ties the piece together.
ReplyDeleteThis piece took a lot of courage to write and I applaud you for this. I like that you were able to stick to who you are and what made you the most comfortable when looking for your homecoming outfit. Seeing how you were able to overcome the struggles of being accepted because you were gay and the fear of rejection you felt was truly inspiring. - Rafael O
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your piece because of your use of imagery. I was able to feel like I was experiencing the emotions u were. Having it be so suspenseful too made it even better! - Monica Morales
ReplyDeleteThe imagery and detail used in this piece bring the reader into your world was great! It really pulled me into what I'm sure was a scary experience for you.
ReplyDeleteI like how smooth you were able to tie in the story because in the beginning it really sets in before it starts to get surreal, which builds up suspense and a thrill. - Danica Gopez
ReplyDeleteThis piece gives such as good description, that it made me feel as if I was in it. As well as giving me insight on how the experience was of waves crashing and hitting you. Very good piece overall. - Alexander Pereyra
ReplyDeleteoh my lord, from someone who's experienced something similar, you had my heart racing. Everything you described I had felt as well, however, I was alone but fortunate to have my boogie board with me to rest on. I loved how honest you were about your feelings during the suspense. Starting with your cousin taking shell pictures to the lifeguard who thinks he's a womanizer. - Saidy G.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate how your experience with open water is a reminder of just how dangerous it could be if you are not careful. I am glad that you were able to get out of that situation safely.
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate the detailed imagery that you presented in this story because it makes it seem like straight out of a movie but it was in fact a real life experience for you. I'm glad you're okay and that you didn't let that one experience define your whole life and still swim freely. This story had me soaking up every word, it was very well-written!
ReplyDeleteThe imagery and how well you were able to make the story tie together is amazing
ReplyDeleteI love your use of imagery and foreshadowing! It really helps add to the suspense at the end of the piece. Amazing job! -Destiny Okonkwo
ReplyDeleteYou used great imagery in this piece that made everything seem extremely real and in the moment. I also love the life lesson that you ended it with. Great job!
ReplyDeleteGreat read. Perfectly depicts the ability for a situation to quickly turn from good to bad. The suspense and anxiety as a reader could not compare to your experience. Love the characterization, really adds to the setting and adds to the hopeless feeling as you came close to drowning. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI like the imagery that was used in this piece. I think that it is beautifully written and I love the use of details! It was very
ReplyDeletesuspenseful and overall a good piece! Nice job!
Open water Jessica