Down by the familiar sea, the sand continues to engulf my size 10, 8 in men, women’s sandals. The crunching of leftover shell bits, washed up by the large sea filled my hollow ears, somehow giving me hope for what summer had to offer. Just beyond algae stained dock, stood that familiar girl. Although not slender and simple, her appealing height, piercing blues, and pasty skin that tinted a rosey color always caught my attention. I felt a wave of confidence rise from my chest when speaking to her, despite how I felt. The genuinity in her voice, was more peaceful than lifting that conch shell to your ears to hear the ocean. I felt my legs lift, picking up the already damp sand that stuck to the plantar surface of the feet, running over to her. She had that loud, contagious laugh when I approached her, making the atomspehere around us uplifting and whloesome. I took your hand as we raced into the ocean, splashing our affection for one another before realizing we were drowning in it. The reflecting sun hit my face from under the water, using its light to find you. Your legs became victim of the seaweed monster, as if wrapped around you viciously. I watched the seaweed take the shape of multiple hands, tugging you deeper into the darker part of the sea, my fingers still intertwined with yours. You heard the seaweed call your horrible, opinionated names, using intelligent words to scare your already intelligent brain. Our already tightly gripped hands broke suddenly when you pulled away from me, breaking the contact we once had. The seaweed had already covered most of her body with horrid descriptions of reality and what the public views would be if we became ‘ us ‘. The piercing blue’s were now filled with fear, corrupting her mind from her own emotions. I arose from the sea
without you, the hand that once offered you comfort now stinging with betrayal. I
walked back over to the leveld sand, water grazing my toes once again. No longer was
the beach view quite as nice, since you became just that summer girl. My sandlas
carried me past the dock I saw you near, walking over to the beginning of fall, where
your silent lips greeted me. I watched that seaweed grip you tighter, walking past her,
hoping she’d follow me into the nest season.
The extreme detail really makes you understand how this feeling in this students mind is and how well it is being expressed. The extreme detail makes the piece a very sweet read and pleasurable to read.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your use of imagery. You employed literary tactics that let me see, feel, and hear what the narrator was experiencing, and it gave the story character and a message more than just what was on the page. Also, the symbols you used showed your high level of writing, and I loved the way you used the symbols you did to tell this story.
ReplyDeleteEthan Morris
The use of imagery and vivid details made the text much more realistic, with the diction used, I was able to imagine myself in the scenario and the romantic element in this story gave room for the reader to develop a sense of imagination.
ReplyDeleteA strong command of language aids to the conjuration of vivid imagery that is used to tell a story that I interpret to be figurative and allegorical. The tone and symbols employed tell the story through an interesting and atypical lens.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your use of personification making the story come to life, literally. Your use of descriptive word choice added a layer of livelihood and depth into your characters. As a reader I felt as if I was in the story through your use of diction it allowed the distance between the speaker and the audience to close.
ReplyDeleteI love the sense of mystery in this piece since there are no names to describe the characters, and instead using imagery to show who they are and what they are going through, allowed me to want more and caused wondrous thoughts of what was going to happen next. Using words like viciously,betrayal, and intertwined shows how deep you were into the writing of this story and it reflects with your audience in feeling what the narrator was also feeling. The entire story as a whole was very intriguing and, very enjoyable to read.
ReplyDelete-April Dubra
The use of detailed descriptions of the scenery where it all took place made me feel like I was at the beach, and the way you tie the words in neatly with what is going on in amazing. The metaphor for the seaweed I understand but I don't understand what it stands for. I would appreciate any feedback to help me further understand the deeper meaning. thank you.- James Torres
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your use of imagery throughout your piece. The play with the senses really transports the reader to your story and I thik that is absolutely amazing! - Guadalupe Ortega
ReplyDeleteThe use of details and imagery in the story helped me as the reader visualize the setting and feel like I was there at the beach.
ReplyDelete