The bow of the ship silently skidded along the soft sand. The pine planks creaked as the ship
halted to a stop, the intricate carvings adorning the bow were discolored from years of
weathering do to the Scandinavian sea, and the harsh waters it was known for. This was routine
for most of the Warriors on the ship, as war was a prominent part of their culture, this could be
seen by a sense of calmness and serenity through the ship. One boy, or young man as he
preferred to be called, did not share this same sense of serenity, but was instead petrified.
This young man was not like the other burley warriors, with broad frames who had been training for this moments since they were kids, instead he was different. He grew up in a small coastal village, the offspring of a fisherman, and instead of growing up learning the skills of a warrior like his comrades, he instead was adorned with skills of a fisherman, tying knots, making nets, skills that did not seem very practical on the battlefield. Though this young man, given the name Wade by his parents would find himself in the midst of battle very shortly. Sadly Wade grew up in a time of war, and his town, being a prominent coastal city was one of the first to be attacked, Wade was one of the few that were able to survive, his family was not so lucky. At that very moment Wade decided to help fight this war, to not only avenge the death of his parents, but prevent others from going through the same pain he felt. Though Wade was undersized, his hard work and effort made him formidable comrade in the battlefield.
The ship he was currently on was not like the ships he had grown up on, the fishing ships he was accustomed to were small, and rarely ventured out farther than the bay. This new ship was grand, and relied on both the power of oars and winds, making it war more versatile. Though Wade had spent his whole life on boats, this one was different, this one wasn’t to provide food for the family, but instead was used for war, something that Wade did not now if he truly agreed with, something he was still struggling with the idea of.
The warriors on board looked around, making sure they had not been seen by any of the members of the town, and when the coast was clear the ship's captain began to count down. 3... sweat begin to slowly drip down wades face, he knew he needed to find a way to calm down. 2.. his heart rapidly beated. 1... he took a deep breath, he was ready. After that, the captain yelled something that Wade did not quite understand, the roar of the warriors was so loud that Wade couldn’t comprehend what the captain said, but he knew that this is the moment he had been waiting for, he leaped of the edge of the boat, landing sharply in the soft sand.
This young man was not like the other burley warriors, with broad frames who had been training for this moments since they were kids, instead he was different. He grew up in a small coastal village, the offspring of a fisherman, and instead of growing up learning the skills of a warrior like his comrades, he instead was adorned with skills of a fisherman, tying knots, making nets, skills that did not seem very practical on the battlefield. Though this young man, given the name Wade by his parents would find himself in the midst of battle very shortly. Sadly Wade grew up in a time of war, and his town, being a prominent coastal city was one of the first to be attacked, Wade was one of the few that were able to survive, his family was not so lucky. At that very moment Wade decided to help fight this war, to not only avenge the death of his parents, but prevent others from going through the same pain he felt. Though Wade was undersized, his hard work and effort made him formidable comrade in the battlefield.
The ship he was currently on was not like the ships he had grown up on, the fishing ships he was accustomed to were small, and rarely ventured out farther than the bay. This new ship was grand, and relied on both the power of oars and winds, making it war more versatile. Though Wade had spent his whole life on boats, this one was different, this one wasn’t to provide food for the family, but instead was used for war, something that Wade did not now if he truly agreed with, something he was still struggling with the idea of.
The warriors on board looked around, making sure they had not been seen by any of the members of the town, and when the coast was clear the ship's captain began to count down. 3... sweat begin to slowly drip down wades face, he knew he needed to find a way to calm down. 2.. his heart rapidly beated. 1... he took a deep breath, he was ready. After that, the captain yelled something that Wade did not quite understand, the roar of the warriors was so loud that Wade couldn’t comprehend what the captain said, but he knew that this is the moment he had been waiting for, he leaped of the edge of the boat, landing sharply in the soft sand.
Great Job bro! You incorporated a lot of great detail when describing the setting of the story. I like how you were able to tell an entire story without making it wordy and boring to read.
ReplyDeleteI love how you can see the countdown at the end of the piece. Beautiful piece of work! -Sofia Rosales
ReplyDeleteI loved the last paragraph with the counting down. You described the character's anxiety very well which made it more intense. Great job!
ReplyDeleteI really like this story! I like the parallel that the character stands out, and is forced into a conforming society and time period where he doesn´t belong. I feel like a lot of people relate to that, which is why it is great.
ReplyDelete-Kylie Cooper
Good job. You captured the feeling of anxiety and nervousness of something impending/ Your use of descriptive imagery truly shaped the story you wrote.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great story that had me hooked till the very end and I absolutely love the countdown you put in the last paragraph it really give it a boost that made the ending so much better. -Cole Ponto
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job, i loved how you used a countdown in order to heighten the suspense. I want to know what happens next.
ReplyDelete-Nicholas Yazell
This story was really creative and hooked me into it right away. The countdown at the end with descriptions of the events after each second passed was impressive and added flavor to the ending. Amazing story! Not too short, not too long! You should write more stories Jacob!
ReplyDeleteThis story was so intriguing and I loved the details you used to create a vivid image! Great Job!!! - Raeanne Bergman
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very well written and on the creative side. Would love to get a look at more stories you've wrote.- Chenel Moody
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in the first paragraph created a want for more information in the reader. There is so much dimension in this piece and although it is short, it packs a punch and tells so much of Wade's story. Thank you Jacob!
ReplyDelete-Maddy Wren
I liked how you compared the young man's experiences growing up with the current situation he was now in. The stark contrast between the fisher's ship and the boat of warriors was a really cool parallel! This was a very entertaining story and the countdown at the end was really suspenseful!
ReplyDelete-Jessica Sears
I love the amount of detail you put in the imagery of the piece and how well you provided characterization for Wade!
ReplyDelete-Gabriel Villanueva
Great job Jacob!! This story was written very well and you kept it super interesting from beginning to end!
ReplyDelete- Maria Rosa
Wow. This was a really creative story. I like the imagery used and the young man's odd past compared to the other warriors. If this was a whole book, I would totally read it.
ReplyDelete-Eddie Segura
I liked the story Jacob! Although you wrote about a boy preparing himself for combat, I definitely think the story in itself can be representing tackling the unknown and difficulties of life.
ReplyDelete-Richard Phan
Your writing was amazing. I appreciated the imagery that dealt with combat and I especially loved the increase in tension as the story went on. - Ryan Dogoldogol
ReplyDelete