Behind the lofty stage curtains, Riley could hear the whispers and cheers of the
audience echo throughout the auditorium. The butterflies began to flutter in her stomach and
took over her body until it went numb. She could feel her heart beating out of control until, just
for a split second, it felt as though it had stopped. In the distance, Riley could make out her
teacher informing the stage technicians that she was behind the stage and ready to go. As she
endured a few treacherous minutes behind the stage, she began to think about how this was
her moment and how she had been waiting all year for this moment where she could finally
show her friends and family her progress on pointe. However, her thoughts were cut short when
the melody of the music began to fill the auditorium and the lights illuminated the stage. She
immediately stepped onto the stage and was welcomed by bright gleaming lights and a
thousand eyes set upon her. Nerves suddenly paralyzed her and caused her to fumble the first
steps of her choreography. She stood on stage with a blank stare as she looked into the blurred
crowd trying to remember what she had practiced every Saturday preceding this day. Panic
struck within her until she realized that this was her day to shine and showcase her talents.
Instantly all of her panic and nerves washed away and she could feel the sensations in her feet
again. She began her choreography and waltzed across the stage. Her tutu and leotard
glistened and the many sparkles of her costume danced alongside her. She could see the
amazement on the viewers’ faces as she leaped and spun around the stage. She was on top of
the world and commanded the stage for the three minutes she was on. As she took her last step
on stage, she could hear the music fading into the air and the pure enthusiasm of the crowd as
they cheered violently. She could see the lights dimming into darkness when she walked off
stage. Relieved that she finished in one piece, she pranced backstage and was welcomed by
the cheers of her dance team. She embraced her teammates, one by one, and walked to the
dressing room to pick up all of her costumes and props. She was surprised to see her family
behind stage awaiting her with a huge bouquet of vibrant flowers. They embraced her and
congratulated her on her good work and elegance. At this point, Riley knew her hard work
every Saturday at dance paid off and she was finally able to showcase her ability to do pointe in
front of the people she cared about most. She knew this was not the end of her journey, and
that she was only going to get better.
The descriptive diction allows me to feel the nervous emotions as if i'm the person who is about to go out on stage and perform. I would encourage Riley to continue to follow her dreams and that the emotions she experience before performing will start to decrease.
ReplyDeleteThis story is very cute and relatable. Even though I'm not a dancer (I only did ballet for about 4 months when I was 5), I can relate to this in the sport I did play. I liked reading as the main character quickly overcame her nerves and preformed well. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThe way the butterflies and beating heart were described at the beginning was very well written. It was easy to picture the entire scene and it almost felt like I was watching a movie in my head, great job!
ReplyDeleteBravo! Good use of imagery and diction. And well done pacing. Nice short story.
ReplyDeleteThis is a piece that without saying it directly, captures an emerging artist's drive and passion for the art. I love short reads like this due to the word count not being much, but them having such significant meaning.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece. I thought you used good descriptive words and imagery to paint the picture you were trying to portray in your work.
ReplyDeleteRaeanne, I really enjoyed reading this piece :) I love the vivid details you used to describe all emotions present because it really made the story come to life. Great job!! - Mackenzie M.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece, The writing was very good. You were able to paint a picture in the readers mind through the use of vivid imagery, the reader can picture the scenes unfold, which show how well written this story was. Good job>
ReplyDelete-Jacob Smith
This is a very motivational piece! You captured the essence of stagefright perfectly; the mix of excitement and dread before the big moment. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Megan Woodall
you really feel like you are there with the characters, great detail. good job !
ReplyDeleteI really like The thought and detail that went into describing Riley's feelings while on stage, and they really are a perfect representation of what goes through a performer's mind. Great job!
ReplyDeleteReally nice narrative Raeanne! I really liked how you showed the feelings of a performer before, during, and after performing on stage with some very nice imagery that helped him visualize the scene you created. Interesting piece
ReplyDeleteYour use of imagery was outstanding! I felt as if I was actually there during Riley's performance. Great work! - Jazmine Hernandez period 2
ReplyDeleteI love how relatable the piece is and I really enjoy the innocence and lightheartedness of the whole thing. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Brooke Vanassa
I love the use of imagery you incorporated in the story, it was well written and created a picture in my head of the dancer, the crowd, and the stage. It made me feel a part of the story. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Victoria Ervin
this piece really speaks to me, it showcases the hardships and the hard work that is put into a show whether its a play or a dance show. it displayed so many beautiful emotions.\
ReplyDeleteNathalie Boutros