I’m
going to tell you the story on why I will never go back to the Rocky Mountains.
Some of my friends and I reserved a cabin for 2 weeks in June. We have been
planning this trip since February. The cabin was right next to a river and we
were the only ones around the river for about 10 miles, so we could fish
wherever we wanted. It should’ve been a memorable summer break that turned into
a nightmare.
When we arrived at the cabin, we started picking our
rooms and settling in. Afterwards, we went down the river to find some good
fishing spots. We did find a little cliff directly over the river. It started
to get dark so we started to head back to the cabin. On our way back though, it
felt like someone or something was watching me. I didn’t want to scare my friends
so I didn’t say anything to them. We get back to the cabin and all go to bed.
The next day, we head to the fishing spot. I realized
I forgot my bait so I told my friends I was going back to the cabin to get my
bait. I start walking back and I can hear my friends for a couple dozen yards.
But as soon as they went out of sight and sound, the path grew dark. I start to
get scared so I run to the cabin and once I get inside, I start laughing for
how much of a scaredy cat I am. I get my bait and start walking back. When I
get about halfway in between the cabin and cliff, I hear something in the
bushes nearby. I look over and there's the goat poking its head out of a bush.
I froze in my tracks. It had human eyes?!?! I couldn’t move, I wanted to run
but my body wasn’t listening to me. This overwhelming feeling of dread came
over me. When a fish jumped out the water and splashed back in, it took me out
of my trance and I dropped the granola bar and began to run towards the cliff
for my friends. Right before I got to them I turned around towards the bush and
the goat was gone. Either way I wasn’t about to stop running. When I got about
10-15 yards from my friends, I stopped running and began walking. I didn’t tell
them because I don’t know how to explain what I saw and felt.
We get to the cabin and put our stuff away and begin
to clean and cook the fish we caught for the day. After we ate them, we go
start a campfire in back and make smores. Everything was going good. I had
almost forgotten about my incident with the goat earlier that day. We begin to
put the fire out and take everything inside. I was the last one outside making
sure the fire was out and putting dirt over it. It goes out and I begin to walk
to the cabin when I hear footsteps from around the corner of the cabin. I
thought it was one of my friends taking the trash out or bringing something
else in. I go around the corner expecting to see my friend when I see nobody. I
was dumbfounded, but I just thought it was my imagination, until I see some
tracks on the ground. I take a closer look at them and I see that they’re
hooves.
Something was wrong with them though. They were bigger
than a size 13 shoe leaving a footprint on the ground. That wasn’t even the
worst of it. The tracks though only had 2 hooves, like a human walking.
I go inside immediately and lock all the doors and
windows. I cleaned up a little bit before I went to bed. I somehow was able to
fall asleep to only wake up at 3 in the morning. I know it was 3 because when I
woke up, I looked at the alarm clock next to my bed. After I looked at the
clock, I heard a knocking on the window. Once I heard that, my body began to
shake, every hair on my neck began to stand up. I looked over and it was the
goat with human eyes. If that wasn’t already terrifying enough, it began to
stand straight up. When it stopped, its head was at the top of the window, it
had to be at least 7ft tall. The goat had long human arms, and once more with
one of those arms, it tapped on the window. I jumped straight up and turned on
the light. When I turned around to see if it was still there, it had
disappeared.
Then I hear a scream from down the hall. I run to my
friends room and swing open the door. That goat was climbing in the window and
trying to grab my friend. He got up and
ran right by me, I turned around to follow when I saw all my friends running.
Apparently they heard the scream too and came to see what was going on and saw
the creature. Before I start running, I close the door and lock it then began
to run out the front door. We all jump in the car as my friend starts the car,
we hear a blood curdling scream from inside the cabin. That thing rammed the
front door and came flying at us as we pulled away. As we speed down the road,
I look back at the cabin and the creature is just standing there staring at us.
Before it turns around and runs into the forest, it lets out one more scream
before vanishing. Since then, I’ve never been back to those mountains. For
those who are planning to go to those mountains, just beware what’s in the
forest.
An exhilarating story! I felt as if I was up in the mountains with you and I too, never want to go back.
ReplyDeleteThat was a good story I really liked your piece. It's really crazy to think a goat was following you. Anyways I will never be going to "those mountains"
ReplyDelete-Diana Flores
Really interesting take on a short horror story. I like the "Jersey Devil" vibe the monster had and I thought the overall description and usage of diction was really good!
ReplyDeleteThat was a creepy story, I am also afraid of the woods too so I prefer an individual accompanying me. But that was a great story, good job. - Amy Lau
ReplyDeleteYour story was extremely captivating and it kept you on edge the whole time! I really like how you got descriptive with your setting because it added to overall plot of the story. Really good work.
ReplyDeletethis story was very interesting from hook to end! I was very intrigued and got pulled in wanting to know more, which is essential to a story line. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour flash fiction is very descriptive, creepy and alluring, I could not stop reading it. It captured my attention from the beginning. Wonderful job!
ReplyDeleteI really like the twist that you took with the creature as i've never read a story that described or even created a creature like that. Good work writing this piece! --Kayla Leonard
ReplyDeleteI like the adventurous eerie vibe this piece gave off, especially with the mountainous imagery. You addressed the fears and reservations many people have when in the woods and mountains creatively. Nice work.
ReplyDelete- Kenny A
I really liked yours story, it had me on the edge of my seat. I felt a ball at the pit of my stomach as I was reading. It was really emotive, good job!
ReplyDeleteThe way that you described the woods in this story gives me the cabin in the woods vibes. Truly a scary experience to have been through. The way that the forest and its description contributed greatly to the overall aroma of the story was perfectly executed. And I will not be going to the woods anytime soon XD
ReplyDelete- Oved Renteria
This was a very interesting story, I was intrigued from start to finish. I enjoyed the first person point of view, it really put me in the eyes of the character. Well written piece!
ReplyDeleteA very interesting and creative piece. The imagery and figurative language had me feeling as though I was with you, experiencing the goat and its horrifying nature along with you. Good job chief. - Gianni Castro
ReplyDeleteI actually believed this story up until the half way point. The way you wrote it made it feel so real and actually seemed quite scary.- Jaden Dawson
ReplyDeleteI loved how descriptive the story is, when the goatman tapped on the window and you described how the hairs on your neck stood up, made me feel a shivering down my spine!! Well done with creating a connection with the readers emotion!!
ReplyDeleteWow this is a really exciting piece. I love how descriptive you were in telling this story. Very intriguing!!
ReplyDelete- Ayo Latinwo