Bloom--Taren

The goal of change is growth, not perfection. I have always been a perfectionist, for as long as I can remember. I’m my worst enemy, my biggest critic. No matter what I do, I always tend to criticize myself and wish I had done something better. However, this past year has been full of colorful bloom rather than the same, uniform, monotonous harvest that comes every year. So many things came flying my way. As a Christian, I’ve always believed that we are to rely on God, but when it came to my anxieties and fears I would pray about them, but never fully surrender things that were not in my control and truly rely on the so called “faith” I claimed I had. When I came to my mom about my problems she would always ask me, “ Did you pray about it?,” and in my frustration and anxiety I would brush it off and try to fix the problem on my own. However, when my dad’s health problems arose and certain people in my life who I had grown close to and had gained my trust simply vanished I felt helpless. On top of that I had college applications and school to worry about. As a person who fears burdening people and does not like the attention of people feeling bad for me, I kept my feelings and problems to a selective, limited number of people. I felt alone even though I was surrounded by people who loved me and cared deeply about me. I thought I had everything in control, but it was all falling apart around me. I had my good days and my bad days. I had those friends, which I appreciate deeply, for listening to me and reminding me of who I am and what I am capable of. In February, I heard news that I was selected for as a finalist in an academic scholarship competition I had applied for. It was something I had went out in faith on and had been praying about. That was when I realized that I had truly relied on God and believed in His abilities as well as mine and become successful. Over the course of the next few months, I went through the final steps of the competition and met so many amazing and beautiful God-fearing people and grew closer to God while learning so much about myself. I let go of my strongholds and returned to a place I had not been for a while. A place of true faith, confidence, and, most importantly, happiness and self awareness. I received the scholarship I was competing for and though my dad’s health is not perfect, he has overcome and exceeded expectations. I have reconciled relationships and had closure and forgiveness. To say this past year was beautifully successful would be an understatement. Now, I am ready to start the next chapter of my life with God on my side and my chin up, ready to take on the world.