Hunter looked around for
an explanation and almost cried when he couldn't find one. He had a dead
girl lying in his lap and the thought of not being able to explain it was
almost too much for him.
This wasn't the first
time it had happened. Just the other week he had been walking past the school
when he blacked out unexpectedly. When he came to, he was sitting in the middle
of a sand pit, with a knife in his hand and a bloody boy on the slide.
He hadn't known what to
do, so he buried the knife and brought the boy back with him to his house in a
panic. In hindsight, he probably should have called the police but it was too
late for that now.
Looking at the girl in
his lap made him want to throw up. He swallowed, hard, and picked up the girl.
Now at home, he looked
at the dead bodies (there were now six in total) and wondered if he should try
again to find out the real killer. It wasn't that he hadn't tried before, it
was just that the killer had been smarter. Every attempt to catch the killer
had been met with crushing defeat and until the smell of the bodies became too
much to bear, Hunter saw no reason to try and catch the killer again.
With every kill, Hunter
had only become more confused. He had no relation to any of the bodies and he
was left with no way to find out their identities. They were all of different
ages, genders, races and they were all killed at different times with different
"resting times" in between.
As he was getting into
bed, he felt someone staring at him. He turned on the light and screamed when
he saw the body hanging from the ceiling fan. This time, it was someone he
knew. His neighbor. He had only seen her a few times but she seemed nice even
though she refused to give him the time of day. He thought her name was Ashley,
or Ashlyn or, well, it didn’t matter now.
Maybe it was time to get
someone else involved. He didn’t have very many friends but there was Chase. An
overeager teenager that would have replaced Hunter’s shadow if Hunter had
asked. Chase was an avid fan of mysteries and would love a chance to use his
“Nancy Drew instincts”.
After explaining what
had been happening to him in the past few weeks, Hunter asked Chase to always
have a video camera on him.
A few days later, there
was another murder. As Hunter was jogging through the neighborhood, he saw
Chase one minute, and darkness the next. When he came to, he had one hand
interlocked with a dead body and a rope in the next. On the verge of screaming,
Hunter realized that it had happened again and Chase was nowhere to be seen.
As he turned over the
body, his heart stopped. The body belonged to Chase.
With tears in his eyes,
he saw that Chase was holding a note. Hunter grabbed the note and couldn’t
believe what he was reading.
“I am the killer. The
other bodies are people who have hurt me in the past. Your DNA is all over them
and the police are on their way to your house. Good luck explaining this one.”
That was amazing Rachana! I totally thought it was Hunter the entire time! I thought he blacked out and killed those people! Damn, that was incredible. I wish you could finish this so we could know what would happen to him! Great job!
ReplyDeletewow! I thought it was Hunter to , overall Great job .
ReplyDeletewow I really like this piece, I knew there was going to be some sort of plot twist in the end due to foreshadowing, great work
ReplyDeletewow I really like this piece, I knew there was going to be a plot twist due to foreshadowing, great work
ReplyDeleteWow! Mind Blown. That story was so intersecting, never suspected the killer was't Hunter.
ReplyDeleteGood twist at the end. I thought it was going to be a "Bates Motel" situation where Hunter was the killer. Turns out Chase wasn't such a good friend. Liked the absurdity of the bodies piling up at home and beginning to smell.
ReplyDeleteI really loved your piece. It kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time. The end of the piece got to me though because I want to know if he got out of it or not.
ReplyDeleteOHMIGOSHHH IT'S RACHANA'S PIECE!!!!!! Anyways, amazing job, of course. This might be a really weird compliment to give but I love your name choice for the piece. Hunter ends up being the hunted (was that on purpose?) I love that you killed a whole bunch of people and made this a murder mystery. The only thing I have to point out is that Hunter has the note that Chase had left for him so why couldn't Hunter just show it to the police?
ReplyDeleteBecause who would believe him? Hunter's fingerprints are on the notes and he has the bodies inside his house and Chase's name, is nowhere on the note.
DeleteExcellent use of imagery and detail! Very suspenseful and an overall interesting story. Well written, nice job!
ReplyDeleteI am in awe! Wow! You kept me on my toes throughout the whole story and the plot twist at the end! Way to top it off. Great Job!!
ReplyDeleteWOW this was awesome to read. I always enjoy reading whatever you write because it always turns out great. I have so many questions and no answers. I would love for you to continue this so we could all see what happens next. I loved the plot twist!! I though it was Hunter the whole time but it was his friend Chase. And why is Chasing putting it all on Hunter aren't they supposed to be friends, and wasn't Chase supposed to be recording everything, and why does Hunter keep blacking out. Those are just some of the few questions I have. I'll ask you later and make you tell me. Great work!!!
ReplyDeleteRACHANA! I CANNOT DESCRIBE INTO WORDS HOW THRILLING AND INTENSE THIS PIECE WAS. I REALLY ENJOYED READING EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT BECAUSE EVERY PARAGRAPH HAD ME CURIOUS ON WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT. The end was a shocker because I had no idea his friend was the killer and would put Hunter in that position of having to explain what happened to the police. The ending made me so sad because Hunter got screwed over! :( Good job and AWESOME POSSUM PIECE<3
ReplyDelete- Tino
Aww thanks so much Tino :') <3
DeleteThis was great, it was honestly a bit scary and gory, but I love mysteries and this had the perfect amount of mystery and weirdness. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT! It was great, then you threw the letter at us and now I want to know what happens next.Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThis is such a great piece. I loved the vivid imagery within the entire text. Overall, the dead bodies, the killings, the plot twist towards the ending made it ever more suspenseful and intriguing.
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece i knew there was going to be a plot twist great job!
ReplyDeleteI really liked your piece i knew there was going to be a plot twist great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was vveerryyy interesting, and just the kind of horror story i love to read, this was well done, i loved it
ReplyDeleteThe twist at the end was unexpected, and worked well to catch the reader's attention.
ReplyDeleteRachana! This was so great, I loved the plot twist and the way you worded everything just flowed really well. These kinds of pieces always get me hooked and now I want more! I'll have to ask you for a sequel in asb! Great job!
ReplyDeleteokay 1) you watch way too many crimes shows haha
ReplyDelete2) i fear for you
3) This was amazing! i loved everything about it! You really had me thinking throughout the entire piece! such an amazing job!
Very good story! Your use of imagery and mystery really had use believe that the killer was Hunter.
ReplyDeleteOooooh Rachana! Your piece gave me the chills given I'm not much of a horror fan. The amount of detail and suspense you included in your plot made it enjoyable to read. Great job! (:
ReplyDeletewhat a great piece and I love the foreshadowing and how it pulled my attention right away
ReplyDeleteWow! The story had a really suspenseful tone to it and an interesting conclusion as well! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI love how the reader is immediately thrown into the story and you really feel Hunter's emotions. Talk about plot twist!! Great story!
ReplyDeleteYou're writing really created a spooky feeling with all dem adjectives. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I loved the plot twist, suspense, and the dramatic elements. Keep up the good work :)
ReplyDeleteThis piece of writing was awesome! The plot twist made is wonderful, keep up the great work.
ReplyDeleteJordan Battle
Oh my god rachana that was so intense and creative I loved it!!!!
ReplyDeleteOMG!!!!! this piece was sooooo great!! it kept me interested and I was so shocked the details and adjectives used kept the story interesting and exciting to read. ~ Isabella Torres
ReplyDeletewow this was really amazing i love it keep up the geart work
ReplyDelete-Diamend De Silva
Rachana! This is so good, it was suspenseful and the ending was definitely a surprise. Good job and keep it up because I would love to read more!
ReplyDeleteDANG RACHAAANA!! I really liked your short story. It was really intriguing and I was so eager from the first couple of sentences to know what was going to happen to Hunter. I was not expecting Chase to be the killer. You did a great job! This would be a great storyline to a movie :)))))
ReplyDeletevery suspenseful nut the ending was unexpected and great ! good job
ReplyDeleteGreat suspenseful story! it gives the reader a very intense feeling keep it up!
ReplyDeleteGreat piece and a great plot twist! This story was really suspenseful! Over all Great job!
ReplyDeleteGirlll Rachana like i loved this story! it was so well written and descriptive and different from alot that i've read before, keep it up love :)
ReplyDeleteGreat story i was on the edge of seat thinking it was him great plot twist
ReplyDeleteVERY SUSPENSEFUL and very captivating. The imagery and details had me hooked from the start. I was racking my brain for possible explanations but didn't expect this! great job!!
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness gracious this is amazing! I was totally not ready for the end and great job creating a scenario with no way out. Really really great job(:
ReplyDeletevery surprising! I didn't see that coming
ReplyDeleteThis was realllllyyyy good! i loved the plot twist that you just there into the story and i just kept wanting to read more and more . Good Work !
ReplyDeletedang great plot twist! amazing story i enjoyed it very much
ReplyDeleteSo why was chase out to get him? Why did he black out all those times? Nevermind chase is just a jerk like that...
ReplyDeleteWow, this was absolutely amazing, thrilling and so suspenseful. I loved the twisted faith in your story it gave me a heart dropping moment. As I read through, I pictured an image playing in my head as if I was with Hunter. I got goose bumps! Overall, I enjoyed your story it pleased my liking very well because, I want to read more. c:
ReplyDeleteThis piece not only contained several writing tools but it used them to better the writing and intrigue the audience. Good job of having a natural flow and structure but also details. The plot was interesting and the portrayal was amazing. -Natalie Cruz
ReplyDeleteExcellent work, the plot was amazing and the words flowed well. Great hooks and use of descriptions. Keep up the fantastic job.
ReplyDeleteSo I was reading this in my room by myself. I've got to say, you did a really good job building up the suspense because it really made me nervous for a second. It was a really creative piece. Nice job!
ReplyDeleteI love it! The whole story reminds me of the CSI episodes you used to tell me about. Great job Rachana!
ReplyDeleteThe plot twist at the ending was awesome! Your story had a suspenseful tone to it and was really creative. Great job!
ReplyDeleteIt was a really good story, i wonder what happens next....AMAZING (:
ReplyDelete-Ian Mendoza
Ahhh i loved this! It was so suspenseful and the ending made me feel as if I was truly watching a horror movie in the theatres.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story. I loved the suspense in it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThat was really intriguing. At first, I thought the killer might be Hunter, and then I thought he might have dissociative personality disorder, but that was an interesting turn. I am curious as to how Chase worked his own death out though.
ReplyDeleteDammit Chase, why you do this. this was captivating and got my attention from the start, way to bring the reader in.
ReplyDeleteRachana! This is such a fun read! I love the plot twist at the end, I definitely was not expecting that. I like how you used so much detail, it made it easy to picture everything (kind of scary!). Anyways, great job!
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow, Rachana. That was quite a thrilling piece. I thought it would be the speaker so the plot twist was very interesting. The only thing that I would have done differently is build Chase's character a little more. However, if you had done that, you might have lost your "killer" unpredictability ;D. All in all, fantastic job!
ReplyDeleteloved the imagery as well as the story very creative:)
ReplyDeleteRachana!! Wow your story is absolutely amazing. The entire time I was on my toes wondering who the murder was going to be! It was very gruesome however that is what made it good. I had no idea that you had this within you. YOur story was well developed and absolutely enjoyable! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteOh woah awesome story! Such great details and imagery and I really enjoyed reading this and it instantly captured my attention! The plot twist was unexcepted but amazing. Keep up the great work
ReplyDeleteThis story had amazing imagery!!!! I also really liked how suspenseful it was
ReplyDeleteYou got my adrenaline pumping to be honest! Very entertaining and interesting story :)
ReplyDeleteWow, that was an amazing twist. I assumed from the beginning that Hunter was the killer due to the black outs. I'm curious on why he had them or is Chase did something to cause them. Great story!
ReplyDeleteThe use of image and detail almost made it easy to see what was happening through Hunter's eyes and as a reader, I could feel his confusion and desperation setting in as more bodies kept appearing. This one kept me on the edge of my seat, good job Rachana!!
ReplyDeleteRachana, i really admire your writing. Your imagery, diction and imagination is beyond anything but that I can produce. I truly enjoyed reading your work. I love the twists and mysteries and the blood draining ending. Also I like the irony of the names hunter and chace. Thanks for shaking your work.
ReplyDeleteImpressive... I thought it was Hunter the whole time while I read this, good job:)
ReplyDeletethat was truly amazing i thought it was hunter the entire time that was amazing
ReplyDelete