A
Dream ruined by a Nightmare
“There she was just walkin’ down
the street, singin’, ‘do wah diddy, diddy dum diddy do’”, the most popular song
of the early 60’s, was stuck in Laurie’s head while she skated herself to work
in her new roller blades. She breezed by her neighbors and friends saying a
gentle and sweet “Hello” to each person she saw. As she got lost in the song
she began to sing aloud down the sidewalk when she ran into her crush. Before
she could fall to the ground he caught her in his tan and toned muscular arms.
While in the comfort and safety of his arms, the two made eye contact with each
other. She starred into his majestic and mysterious green eyes and managed to
apologize for running into him with a polite “I’m oh so sorry Landon!” With his
charming self he chuckled and answered back with a nonchalant “It’s okay my
pretty lady”, she timidly blushed because she had now made a horrible first
impression of herself. After Landon swept her off her feet he carefully put
Laurie back on her feet. Landon then asked, “Would you like to go for a shake
at The Plop?” Laurie replied with “Oh golly Landon! I would be delighted to do
so!” It was decided that Landon would pick Laurie up at her house at 7 o’clock
in his new 1967 Bonneville.
Continuing on her way to go to
work at The Diner she flew right through the doors with a smile on her face.
Her coworker Rhonda immediately skated over to Laurie and asked why she was in
such a cheerful mood. Laurie smiled and told Rhonda she had a date with the man
of her dreams. It seemed as if her shift went by forever but when the clock
finally hit 5:30 Laurie rapidly grabbed her stuff and skated as fast as she
could back to her house to get ready for her milkshake date with Landon. She
arrived at her house and hurried to her room where she took a shower. After her
shower Laurie then put on her makeup so eloquently moving her blush brush so
gently and perfectly across her cheeks. She then styled her hair with a
headband and some loose curls on her Carmel light brown hair. Laurie put
together the most astonishing outfit she could and she looked gorgeous. The
clock struck 7 and Laurie anxiously waited for Landon to ring the doorbell.
Nevertheless Landon rang the doorbell a few minutes later.
Landon introduced himself to Laurie’s family. Then shortly after Laurie
and Landon drove off to go share a milkshake. They walked into the restaurant
and sat down. Landon whispered, “Laurie, you sure do look beautiful in that
sundress of yours.” Laurie once again blushed and responded with, “Oh why thank
you kind Landon.” Their waitress came to their table, giving them a milkshake
when suddenly Landon in shocked dropped the milkshake on the floor, recognizing
his ex-girlfriend Rhonda was serving them.
I loved this, the whole time it kind of reminded me of "The Notebook." That ending was definitely not expected! I love your writing style :)
ReplyDeleteWow such a cute story! aww okay so its set in the 60s right? Okay cause it kinda has a 50's vibe with the whole diners and milkshakes but the 60's seemed great as well:) The twist in the last coouple of lines was epic. Uggg way to just leave us hanging though. Does he get back with Rhonda or does he say with the new girl Laurie....I go with the ending where Laurie and him end up together!:D
ReplyDeleteThen he sang, "Well, l Rhonda you caught my eye (caught my eye)...
ReplyDeleteAnd I can give ya lotsa reasons why...
You've gotta help me Rhonda...
Help me clean up my shake..
*help me Rhonda... Help, help me Rhonda..
HAHAHAHAA
DeleteHAHA OH RHONDA. You home wrecker! I loved that this was like set in a different era. The word choice was so great, I wish I lived during this time. This was awesome, Lexie!
ReplyDeleteThis was so cute! low key I was waiting for something bad to happen to Laurie again..i was thinking ..hmm she is skating so fast she might trip fall and break or scrape something and couldn't go on the date. Or I thought she would have had to worked late. Or idk something completely random and horrible was expected to happen to her in my head, because in reality something always gets in the way, but I love how you held the twist till the end, because I wasn't going to stop reading until something crazy in the story happened, the setting the plot and everything was just too perfect. I love the setting and everything. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteI sang that little song in the beginning to myself instead of reading it :p It is so different, with the vocabulary like "why thank you kind Landon". It is a nice change
ReplyDeleteI dunno why but i could not stop giggling throughout this entire thing. And not a normal giggle, one of those ridiculous 'what is wrong with this weirdy" giggle. aha I really enjoyed this, perhaps you could consider switching the p.o.v. to first person seeing as some of the 3rd person narration retained bias of Laurie. Wonderful, classic tale. Thank you for sharing:)
ReplyDeletethis was so cute! but really sad... but really cute!! such an innocent story with a twist. I loved it Lexie, great story! :)
ReplyDeleteGreat job I love the twist at the end!
ReplyDeleteRhonda ruins everything... This was very good & it have me a view of your creative side which is very great! Good job!
ReplyDeleteI love the setting in this! It made me visualize the story in my head perfectly. This was cute and I love the last paragraph and the very end :)
ReplyDeleteLOL! This deserves one of those memes that say "Well, That escalated quickly!" Overall, I really enjoyed the imagery of the 60's and the emotional support behind them. I also enjoyed the personalities of Laurie and Landon. Very cutesy, sounds like a chick flick!
ReplyDeletehahaha Lexie this is great! This story had me rolling, from the vocabulary to the names. Bet he looked smooth "in his NEW 1967 Bonneville." xD
ReplyDeletePLOT TWIST! nonetheless, I loved the scene set for the cute little story. It reminded me of A Cinderella Story with Hilary Duff for some reason! :)
ReplyDeleteI didn't expect it to end like that. You should totally make part 2! Will they stay together, break up? Will she get a new job or will she still be friends with Rhonda? Anyways, very creative story!
ReplyDeleteI love it cute story :)
ReplyDeleteI saw this playing in my head and I was like "WHAAAAAA-" Good job. I like this!
ReplyDeleteNooo! The ending! Why?! I loved how you decided to write in a time period so different from ours today. I hope you consider writing a sequel to this!
ReplyDeleteI liked the start, I love that song it starts so upbeat I could feel the 60's vibe I love the end too aha way to twist it ! (:<3
ReplyDeleteVery cute opening and such a plot twist at the end! Fantastic job:)
ReplyDeleteGreat job at pulling me in and making me want to read the rest.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this read it was light and had me wondering what was going to happen on her date
ReplyDeletenoooooo!!! the ending had me flabberghasted ;((( did not expect that but was very fun to read
ReplyDeleteWOAHH... Plot Twist: Rhonda is the ex- girlfriend ! Idk why but this piece is so 50's vibe and i really love it! My perspective to this story was the classic diner, girls with skater long skater skirts, boys with greasy hair and black leather jackets with white t-shirts, and of course the classic jukebox playing... lol Reminds me of the that movie called "Pleasantville" !!! great job!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you ended it!! it made me laugh so much. You did a rally good job on your piece.
ReplyDeletei wished the ending didnt have to be so sudden, there needed to be more of a kick.. :/
ReplyDeleteBut other than that i love love love the time of this piece i could imagine her curls and the skates and that old 1950's look
When you quoted the lyrics in the first sentence I was definitely just humming that song the whole time reading it. I just totally thought 60's and being in a happy neighborhood and the twist at the end was great! Nice cliffhanger!
ReplyDeleteThis is immediately caught my eye when I read that it took place in the sixties, writing with a 60s twist is amazing. And then the end had me like.....
ReplyDeleteThis gets me excited for Valentines Day!
ReplyDeleteThis was so cute and made me want to go back in time and I just got really sad when he dropped the milkshake because I really wanted that milkshake :)
ReplyDeleteI totally sang the first sentence haha but this is such a cute story! I liked how you based it in the 60's and kept with the time with the way they talked and dressed and the ending my gosh didn't see that coming! Great job! :)
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the ending with Rhonda being the ex-girlfriend and all. Also, I liked how you wrote it in a different time period because it felt fresh and new.
ReplyDeleteVery good story. Loved the plot twist at the end. Had me like :O ha.
ReplyDeletepoor niggah, i wounder what he was thinking ?. i think this story might just need a sequel... good job
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love this! such a great plot twist!!
ReplyDeletei am personally not a fan of romantic comedies however this was kinda cute and that plot twist was very plotty and had tons of twist
ReplyDeleteHaha, kind of sad, but definitely touching. The word choice in this story is very particular, and the characters are very well developed. Good job!
ReplyDeletePlot twist! That was an incredibly cute story, and I loved how despite the difference in time, you could still relate. The pretty girl getting ready for the date with the boy of her dreams!
ReplyDeleteCool plot twist. Your story had a vintage 60s vibe I really like. Just the image of roller skates and milkshakes created a strong setting.
ReplyDeleteWhat an ending! You really should continue this because I want to read more! That was such a cute story but I definitely didn't see that coming.
ReplyDeleteThis was cool. Right when I read the first sentence, I decided to play The Exiters to get the full expierence of your story, haha.
ReplyDeleteIt was a nice touch to add detail of the main character getting ready and building up the sense of how important this date was. It made me giggle at the end, because I was honestly expecting a death or something else more severe but it turned out it was just his ex. Very sweet and great job of expressing time and setting.
wow, great story, the ending was not what I expected
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed you work it displayed the romanctic and ever long waiting day that everyone wait to meet that one special person. I have to agree and disagree with Sarah. I believe that the 1 st p.o.v would be great to help us dig into the mind of the characters and how they are feeling but I think that the 3rd. P.O.V is great since it keeps the reader from knowing to much and simply highlights the innocence and the way we act when we meet someone else, which I believe is key in getting your message across. So you keep writing.
ReplyDelete