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Sunday, December 1, 2013

Kristine--Vitality



A bird crashes on the sun kissed island, the ocean is long emptied yet sand continues to shift towards land like how when waves ages ago, rushed loose grains back and forth. Every second it reminisces the days when currents flowed in blissful reverie. But distracted by nostalgic sorrow no one immediately mourns the foul sight: black, gradient feathers-strewn across the rocky sand, half-buried in sand, or desperately dressed on the mangled limbs of stunned game. The animal rests on his back-his position displaying disoriented agony. His eyes reflect surprise and utter disappointment as if someone shouted at him in the sky, there would be no more V formations during this trek of winter. Gradually his spirited form escapes his body and he is reborn, invisible, without flight, left as a shade to roam the island.
He waits for the island inhabitants to arrive and have emotional tears over his untimely death.

Three years pass.

Still no grievers.
His physical body is becoming a horrid sight.

 But then the procession comes, languished from having to mourn the sky bird. They had meant to come sooner but were taken back by the sun’s courtship of the island. Thus, when Tropical Wind delivered news of his death occurring on the other side of the island, the islanders would, in the words of the Gloomy Horse, “get to his resting place in less than 5 years”. They got it in three which was great progress to the rest of the islanders.
The bird spirit’s spirit sinks lower when he hears this.
Creatures of all colors and skin textures walk/crawl/slither on the blushing island and fashion a proper mourning line, slowly approaching the bird. Some carry respect in their hearts; others taint theirs with twisted gratification. The waterless ocean-a sea-less sea and the delight of a paramour sun causes death to be mistakenly endeared by the mourners.
A wiggly Worm wiggles out from beneath the sandy sand, worms near the decaying corpse and smirks at his late passing; he was not early enough. A sage Sardine whose scales did not give away age nears the body with great poise to observe the fallen casualty. He immediately recognizes the supernatural presence of the bird but cannot see him, so he begins to converse with empty, humid air. His fellow islanders deem him demented.
It was Tropical Wind that noticed the somber spirit nested on sliced bamboo shoots. A great creature of flight regressed to a burial contradictory in his aerial nature, something the tropical wind took pity of. She had seen the gruesome accident as she was traveling towards the west, on her way to piss off Californian residents.
Tropical Wind decided to lift the spirit’s spirit by sending his spirit on a flight for eternity. The bird roamed the earth through breezes and gusts and whirlwinds, content with his new life
. He was reborn and given the best homage in all his lifetime.

48 comments:

  1. I love your writing style. It's mysterious and beautiful at the same time :)

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  2. I love the consistent imagery throughout this piece. It gives the reader a good idea of the scenery and setting!

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  3. Very interesting. I love the personification evident in the story. I like how the story was shaped around the bird's spirit. I also liked its disgust for being forgotten and left with no proper burial. Great job!
    -Mackenzie Hopkins

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  4. Okay I have to admit that I was a little confused reading this story but i was genuinly intriqued. Okay so from what i understood of this story I was really depressed thinking of a bird who has no one to keep his memory alive , no one who will pay homage to his dead body but then this other bird came and gave him life again. Does this sound accurate? ha I had to laugh at the part where it said "on her way to piss off Californian residents." All I can think is ....Seagulls!!!! ahhhh

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  5. This was so beautifully written! I think it was so nice the way you put it in the third person omiscient because then I felt like I knew more and more about the bird and what was going on with what the mourners felt.

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  6. The way you are able to grab some ones attention was great.

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  7. It funny because birds scare me so much. And they make me mad too. Haha, but this was beautiful! The words flowed so well together.

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  8. Great imagery used throughout the story to keep it interesting

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  9. I like the format of your story and I think the whole concept of the story itself was really interesting. Good job!

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  10. It seems like Tropical Wind is a main character in the story. Am I right?

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  11. You have a beautiful imagination and writing style! This will make me think differently about the wind now on.

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  12. The imagery... I love it! The story kind of confused me a bit though, it's about birds right?

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  13. I love the way you write. It's so beautiful & magical & mysterious at the same time! Great job!

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  14. Woahh.. This is a beautiful style of writing!! I was overwhelmed with all these high vocabulary words! Kristine you are truly an amazing writer! Your style is very unique and I love how your story is like a puzzle because its a difficult story and i feel like i'm still figuring out how to finish the puzzle piece. Very mysterical. :] Great JOB!

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  15. The story was a bit confusing, but i love the imagery you used!

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  16. Great attention to detail. The only part I was confused about was the spirit's spirit but maybe I just have to read it again.

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  17. Great attention to detail. I was a bit confused about the spirits spirit but maybe I just have to read it again. This almost sounded like free verse poetry to me. :)

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  18. How interesting! I really do wonder what inspired you to write such a story. The imagery and detail that was put into your writing produced an excellent piece and it was beautiful to read. My only disappointment is that the bird had to die! But an elegantly written story.

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  19. I really like how you used personification, but it wasn't the typical personification everyone uses. You were very creative and gave thoughts and feelings to your characters.I think you can really make this a children's book one day :)

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  20. I don't know why I was thinking about the birds form the windex commercial while reading this....good stuff though. Really vivid.

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  21. Loved your imagination! Its amazing what the mind is capable of!

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  22. your use of imagery can be seen consistently throughout out your piece which flows very well. i really enjoyed your vivid descriptions, great job!

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  23. This fiction story was really quite interesting. A supernatural ghost of the sky bird which cannot be at peace with a mysterious character named "Tropical Wind" (which I assume is God) giving ease. I felt both characters were symbols of something meaningful. What caught my curiosity is the "Sea-less" sea which I felt contributed to this mysterious occurrence of the sky bird's afterlife. Really well done, delivered detailed imagery and writing style was quite different from the other bloggers.

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  24. I like it because I was confused. That just means you forced your readers to think. Nicely done

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  25. the story was very interesting and gave the feel of liveliness and animated with the birds i like.

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  26. I really enjoyed the concept of your story and you have good imagery.

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  27. "sun kissed island" what a beautiful opening description. Caught my interest and imagination from the very start!

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  28. fantastic choice to write on a usually, presumed inconsequential death. Was it wind that inspired the story, or a bird body? Was the alliteration of the all the characters apart from Tropical Wind intentional? maybe you could entertain the idea of a procession for all of the identified characters, all representing a person each at a different level in the unfortunate hierarchy. I'd be interested in your interpretation of the different responses dependent upon where each demised stood. Thank you for sharing:)

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  29. As many people commented and said, imagery is what popped out in this story. I was too a little confused with the concept of this story maybe there was a little to much imagery i couldnt help to question and analyze everything that was stated i felt a little bombarded, overall it was a good story with many descriptive words good job

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  30. There is such vivid imagery it was like watching a movie, very nice story.

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  31. Just amazing. In my opinion you captured alot of imagery description and whisked me off to the world you were talking about and when it was all so serious you drop the line "she was traveling towards the west, on her way to piss off Californian residents. " hahaha guts! I was already liking the story but then that line made me love it ...good stuff thank you!

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  32. I love the way you use inert to brig the story to life great job!

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  33. I loved how descriptive you were, it really painted a vivid picture in my head while reading.

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  34. The wide range of imagery really allowed me to feel like i was in the scene of the story good job very intriguing!

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  35. it was truly intensifying and kept me interested which is kind of hard to do.

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  36. Your story held my interest from the beginning to the end. you have great imagery in your story.

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  37. i enjoyed your piece as a whole. your vivid use of imagery and diction brought your piece to life and made it flow much smoother. just watch out for the repetition of certain words or phrases as they can create awkwardness like "wiggly worm wiggles"

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  38. So mysterious and trippy. I like how detailed this is. Good Job!

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  39. I agree with some of the comments above when they say that it made the reader have to focus and think about exactly what was happening in the story and what message you were trying to get across to your readers, I loved the happiness and joy that is expressed through the ending and the bird's "new life", very creative piece :)

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  40. love your use of imagery I liked how it instantly caught my attention

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  41. What a great use of imagery! Also you got my attention for the very first line! GREAT JOB!

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  42. i really enjoyed your story very vivid :)

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  43. I questioned your mind. It is said to beleive that as we write our brains have the tendency of beign and their peak of imagination, and your mind was a great example of that imagination. The story was drenched in symbolism biblical allusions, mythology, ethics, and human behavior. Your interpretation of the bird was outstanding, their is a clear form of writing that you have adopted and its a surreal mysticism, that embodies the ideals of man through nature, underlining an ethical and moral obligation to model almost like Asopes Fables.

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  44. Your description was great! It painted a picture in my head!

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  45. The imagery in the piece was amazing. Well done!

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  46. I could picture the story very clearly in my head thanks to your vivid imagery. It was very enjoyable to read.

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  47. I really enjoyed your story with your clear descriptions

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