That Preppy Girl
The city is crowded tonight.
The weak humans scatter everywhere like insects. I am not like them. This era
is filled with stupidity and technology and I despise it all. These humans are
naïve to the world of monsters. Insidious monsters like me. Even the cold night shivers against my aura.
The people in the street don’t come near me anymore. Maybe because of the
stench of my rotting flesh, but tonight, it’s my ferocity that keeps them away.
A girl walks toward me, too close; Blond
hair, blue eyes, big ego. We all know the kind. Too many skips in her step. Her
light angers me. Why doesn’t she scatter like the rest? Her aura is too weak to
stand against my kind. Does she think she is better than the rest, than me?
Heck no, I feel too good tonight to deal with this preppy girl.
All of this human meat makes
me hungry. I could use some food. I know the perfect club to eat. The music pours outside. My mood heightens
with all the flesh, like an all you can eat buffet. I want my daily fix, the
perfect flavor. That brown haired, green eyed munch. He would taste great right
about now. He is with a girl. No worries, I can eat her too. I’m hungry. It’s
that damn preppy girl. She needs to get lost, her flesh is impure. It would
leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’m hungry. I whisper in her mind to leave.
She walks out the back and I follow. The street is empty and eery. We are
alone. She shivers as she steps out and her heart beats faster. I will make
this easy. No mess. No blood. I walk up to her in two fast strides. Her eyes
widen, she shrieks. SNAP!
The lights turn on. My boss
smiles “Ridley, why do you insist on writing in the dark?” I laugh, he
continues, “Did you finish the article? It is due tonight. Put it on my desk by
five.” He walks out and I snicker to myself. I look over to the corner of my
office. The blond one lays there rotting. Her cheeks stretch and she flashes
her moldy yellow teeth at me. We both giggle quietly.
I loved it! When the boss came in, I smiled because it wasn't real. But then those last four sentences snapped back at me and I was like "WHOA!" Really great job :)
ReplyDeleteBrittani, this piece is phenominal. Can I just say you have mastered the art of flash fiction posts! This story is eerie, morbid, dark and yet it's captiviating. I really did want to keep reading but because you stopped and left me hanging I guess I just got to use some imagination. Awsome work:D
ReplyDelete....this was faaaaabbbulllloouuussssss....I just can't..this was great! It was soo suspensful..You so should have done October! great job though! seriously continue writing!
ReplyDeleteIt was quite captivating and was able to draw me in and make me see and feel what was happening.
ReplyDeleteHaha the intensity grew and when the "lights turned on", I was like OHH SNAAPPP. Super creepy though, but i LOOOOOOOVED it
ReplyDeletewow, I almost don't know what to feel after reading this. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in the first paragraph was my favorite. This was really captivating. Good Job
ReplyDeleteOh, to look into the creative mind of a writer.
ReplyDeleteAh, I wish there could be more with some explanations on what is going on! I think you did a great job writing this and the ending makes me want to know more about these characters and story line.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! That ending, it was like a two-hit combo; just when you think something, BAM! something else happens.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting! I love how it gave me a little goosebumps because it seemed suspenseful! :] I am wondering what happens after they giggled! Please tell me what will happen! LOL:] THe second paragraph with the "all these human meat makes me hungry" reminded me of a vampire who wants to suck a human's blood especially that preppy girl. Very suspenseful! :] AMAZING!
ReplyDeletewhat a suspenseful story! the ending really made me "woah!"
ReplyDeleteTHAT WAS AWESOME! Please write more! I loved the twist. I loved how just as you think your following the plot line of this story, it switches up on you, however not entirely. It was beautifully written. My only question is, could you describe the monster more? I love the unknown factor behind it, but maybe a little more detail will help truly picture the fear of the creatures. All in all, a great piece
ReplyDeleteIs Ridley demented? I s this real or a dream? I'm confused. Very surprising ending. :)
ReplyDeleteWow, just wow. I loved the double-twist in the end. First I thought, "ok, it never happened" and then the story twisted again. I really like your writing style, is writing something you enjoy?
ReplyDeleteokay, this ending was really awesome. It's a twist within a twist...like inception (except I don't even understand that movie so that's a bad example.) REAALLY good job :)
ReplyDeleteThe way you ended this piece was GENIUS!
ReplyDeleteOHMYGOSH!! this was amazing! it was so intriguing, i couldn't stop reading it! great job!!
ReplyDeleteHaha I thought I was reading some vampire fan fiction at first. Nice job
ReplyDeleteI felt the speaker of the story to be really the "black-sheep" of the society they're in! Many hints such as "these humans" or "her skin is impure" really hints that this character really isn't human. This mysterious development of the story really makes me wish it was a fresh novel. I would definitely read your work. Good Job!
ReplyDeletethe descriptive vividness in the beginning had me like x_x but very creative even tho i did not get why the preppy girl is bad
ReplyDeleteThe imagery was very captivating. Great job.
ReplyDeleteThis was a great piece. I am always drawn in by creative writing. Great job, I am so entertained(:
ReplyDeleteThe descriptions in this story made me so happy xD I love how dark it was, excellent job! Do you plan to write more on the same story line, or something similar?
ReplyDeleteWHAT THE POOP. Fantastic. Way to champion the first person point of view with something that is not seen often. okay, so the ending. She eats auras? He, she? I kind of like that we don't know. And after eaten, it leaves the prey to her/his fate? Thank you for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteBAM. That is a really well written story! I love how choppy the sentences were because they made me thrilled to keep reading. Awesome work!
ReplyDeleteWhile i was reading this i was thinking in my mind YAAAAY FINALLY A ZOMBIE STORY as you could see by my capitalization i love zombies and the way you were describing what was surrounding you as the zombie it made me remember the movie "warm bodies" this was an attention grabber by far! i loved "The music pours outside" there was non stop imagery in my brain. Cant say it enough i LOVED it
ReplyDeleteWow, you made it wonderfully dark throughout the plot. The image of this ghoulish character is a mysterious fiend, who seeks to satiate his hunger. It was quite interesting that the preppy girl was targeted as oppose to a different archetype.
ReplyDeletehahaha had me going there! or did you? 0.o thats how I felt at the end! great writing and good read, thank you :D
ReplyDeleteI loves this great story it was very captivating
ReplyDeleteThe description of the monsters is what drew me in and then you affectively maintained my attention.
ReplyDeleteLets just say you could not have captivated me more than you already did! if i must say so myself this is a bomb diggity story aha but anyways AMAZING JOB! i loved it!
ReplyDeletethat was a great twist and funny. aha you should make a trilogy
ReplyDeleteThis piece was very interesting and your first line caught my attention right away. Great job!!!!!
ReplyDeletethe story is very intriguing in that this story has the potential to flow in so many directions. i also enjoyed how the narrator described his surroundings, he knows he is superior and despises all humans for not recognizing this (i am assuming he is not human) however from the way he described it one can pick up a sense of loneliness.
ReplyDeletePLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST. Wow. that really got me. such an engaging writing style. good job.
ReplyDeleteAh! The ending is killer, very well done. It kept me wanting to read on to see what happens even after this piece, to know what's next to come. Suspenseful and your voice and the voice of your main character shined through perfectly :)
ReplyDeletecouldn't take my eyes away from the screen!!!! amazing and very suspenseful
ReplyDeleteWow I love this! It's really interesting and creative with a great twist at the end. :)
ReplyDeleteI was really captivated by your writting. The way your senstences where short and direct gave the monster a character of simple thought and survival, making the monsyer more primeval. The structure also helped with the topic and the idea reminding me of the movie "Warm Bodies" how they craved the flesh yet seemed so compelling human. THis is your writting style a comic statirical relieve to death :).
ReplyDeleteThe suspense and the use of imagery was amazing! it kept me interested the whole time i was reading it! Great Job:)
ReplyDeletelove the twist crazy story
ReplyDeleteThe ending totally caught me off guard! Well done
ReplyDeleteThe ending totally caught me off guard! Well done
ReplyDeleteThat was very suspenseful! And the ending was definitely unexpected! But i loved it!
ReplyDeleteI was really drawn in by the suspense of the story. I had to know what was going to happen next. Great job creating the suspense.
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting and made me want to further read to find out what would happen
ReplyDelete