I lived in a small town by the sea, where you could smell the sweet ocean breeze every
time you went outside. I took long walks along the beach, my bare feet leaving footprints in the sand, an indication that I had been there. And yet, the waves quickly washed them away, leaving no trace of my nightly walks along the shore. It was a peaceful life, a peaceful town, where everyone knew each other and said hello in the streets as they passed each other on their way to wherever they were headed. I frequented our local coffee shop, where the whole town came together to talk about the latest happenings. There was a small stage, where people could sing or play music, but no one ever did. I guess it was the fear of being judged. After all, you would see all of these people again. It’d be best not to embarrass yourself. But, you know? Not taking risks makes life boring. Every day was the same. I suppose I can’t complain. I went to school, talked to the same four people, and got coffee afterwards. I did my homework in the shop, then took my nightly walk on the beach. It was pretty mundane, but that’s how I liked life. Predictable. Safe. I remember the day life stopped being so predictable. It wasn’t anything I did to change my life, but rather, what She did for me. I don’t know where She came from, or how She got here. It was a Monday. I had just left school and was headed to the coffee shop. I got there, took my seat, and
time you went outside. I took long walks along the beach, my bare feet leaving footprints in the sand, an indication that I had been there. And yet, the waves quickly washed them away, leaving no trace of my nightly walks along the shore. It was a peaceful life, a peaceful town, where everyone knew each other and said hello in the streets as they passed each other on their way to wherever they were headed. I frequented our local coffee shop, where the whole town came together to talk about the latest happenings. There was a small stage, where people could sing or play music, but no one ever did. I guess it was the fear of being judged. After all, you would see all of these people again. It’d be best not to embarrass yourself. But, you know? Not taking risks makes life boring. Every day was the same. I suppose I can’t complain. I went to school, talked to the same four people, and got coffee afterwards. I did my homework in the shop, then took my nightly walk on the beach. It was pretty mundane, but that’s how I liked life. Predictable. Safe. I remember the day life stopped being so predictable. It wasn’t anything I did to change my life, but rather, what She did for me. I don’t know where She came from, or how She got here. It was a Monday. I had just left school and was headed to the coffee shop. I got there, took my seat, and
ordered my usual. A caramel macchiato upside down with an add-shot. I pulled out my copy of
Wuthering Heights and started reading. I was in the middle of the fourth chapter when I heard a
voice. Singing. I don’t know what song it was, or even what language it was in. I looked up, and
I saw Her. She had jet black hair, with a tint of blue. Somehow, I got the feeling that it wasn’t
dyed, Her eyes were beautiful. They were sea green, and seemed to have the calmness of the
ocean. And yet, they had the tiniest hint of danger in them, like a wave that could knock you over
at any moment. My eyes caught Her’s, and She smiled. Before I knew it, She had joined me on
my nightly walk on the beach. Her bare feet stepped so softly into the sand, yet not even the
roughest wave could remove the mark she had made. She was beautiful, strong, mysterious, and
I wanted her. Lost in my thoughts, She took my hand, and ran Her fingers over mine, never fully
gripping it, but playing a game. She let go, letting my hand fall, and laughed. Her laugh sounded
like music. “What’s your name?” I asked Her. “Melody,” she said. Life continued on like this,
with Melody joining me on my nightly walks and singing to me as I did my homework. My
grades began to suffer, but I didn’t care. My mind was occupied with only one thing. And that
was Melody. One night on the beach, She sat by the water, gazing at the moonlight’s reflection.
“Come here,” She sang. And I came. She looked up, as a flock of birds flew past. She watched
the birds, looking as if she longed to be flying with them. “If only we could fly,” I said to Her.
“But, alas,” She said in response, “it’s impossible. We can never be as free as them.” With this
poetic statement, She stood up and walked into the water. She laughed and said, “Come on!
What are you waiting for?” I followed Her into the sea. Once we were wading waist deep in the
ocean, She pulled me into her arms. She was warm, despite the cold of the sea. She continued to
walk, deeper and deeper, into the sea. “Melody,” I said, or at least, I tried to. As I opened my
mouth, it filled with water, heading into my throat. She laughed, that musical laugh. As I sunk
deeper and deeper into the sea, She laughed and laughed, and I realized that Her song meant
death. And now I write this warning, from my watery grave: Beware the Sirens, for They will
lure you in with Their song, and promises of love, for They will kill you, but do so beauti-
Within your piece, I thoroughly enjoyed the use of imagery relating to our senses such as sight, touch, and sound. With your implementation of rhetorical questions, it allowed the reader to question the motivations of the main character and the activities depicted in the story. Your work kept me on the edge of my seat as I was continuously unsure of where the plot was headed and whether or not the happy, fuzzy ending would prevail. I was surprised by the outcome of the story but very much pleased as it added a twist and different concept to the typical endings of numerous pieces.
ReplyDeleteI love the expensive imagery that opened your piece. The adjectives conveyed me, as the reader, to feel as if I was walking with you on the beach. Wonderful job, loved reading this piece.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed your flash fiction story because of the twist at the end and how one can relate to being trapped by a "Siren"; comparing a Siren to someone who betrays and manipulates.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed how the main character's simplistic life in the beginning directly contrasts to his ending.
ReplyDeleteThis was the first piece I read and it really set the bar high for the ones to follow. Your story was structured great, I loved that it showed the growth of a predictable and sheltered individual who seeks adventure; even more so who finally pushes out of their comfort zone and is burned by it. I found that the twist of this story was more realistic than the fantasy we choose to believe every ending has. In addition, nI specifically liked your reference to the "Sirens", it really added to the understanding of story and how the character changed his life.
ReplyDeleteWhat really caught my eye was despite the simple sentences you had wrote, they contrasted with the content within them which, to me, is a unique and outstanding style of writing compared to traditional fiction. The ending initially made me angry because the speaker didn't finish what he was saying but then it hit me that the speaker probably died right then and there and couldn't finish which is brilliant on the author's part for making us readers grip our seats.
ReplyDeleteAs Mrs.Solano constantly says, "You can tell who reads books and who does not." From your story, it is very clear that you are an avid reader. The structure and syntax of your piece reminds me of a professional writer's piece. I was very intrigued throughout the entire story, and a little surprised at the ending. Your piece is very relatable. My favorite part- ironically- was the ending. The speaker never got a chance to finish their sentence, which shows their immediate suffocating death.
ReplyDeleteI deeply enjoyed how simple your sentences were, yet tied into the bigger picture if the contrasting ending. The choice of descriptive diction and imagery helps the reader picture the setting in their head.
ReplyDeleteBeing the first piece that caught my eye, I was extremely surprised and blown away. Your work is full of imagery and as a reader it makes it twice as more exciting to read. I felt like I was actually in your story, at the beach, at school, etc. Word choice and syntax are also crucial parts of this piece drawing in your audience to want to continue reading. I really enjoyed this glimpse into your personal life and how detailed and imaginative it is. - Julianna De La Concha
ReplyDeleteThe ending transition from a calm happy experience to a deadly encounter was one completely unexpected, and gave a fresh twist to this very original piece.
ReplyDeleteYour piece was an emotional roller coaster, your word choice drew me in automatically through your use of colloquial diction. Your entire story drew me in from your use of tone shifts as the speaker progressed in their story and also, your use of addressing your audience directly was equally fascinating and brilliant. Throughout reading the entire story I felt like I was there on the beach from your phenomenal use of imagery. Great work!
ReplyDeleteThe aspect of this piece that really caught my attention is your great descriptive language you used. The way you illustrated the setting at the beach in the beginning of your flash fiction really set a peaceful tone and made me feel as if I was actually there. The twist at the end of the story intruiged me as well, as I did not expect it to end that way at all. I really enjoyed reading your work.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much. I had no idea where this was going in the beginning, and for some reason i thought of the little mermaid from the title because that's her daughters name. But this is so good, like i said i was confused at first thinking very little of this but then the end comes and hits you in the face, making you a little shocked and having to reread it. I love the imagery used in this piece and how it brings everything together. Great job with this.
ReplyDeleteThe title caught my attention. Your word choice and imagery has set a peaceful tone. The imagery you used made me picture and took me and felt as if I experienced everything you mentioned. The turn at the end of the piece was so unexpected. This piece is very well-written.
ReplyDeleteWow! This was so well written it left me speechless. The imagery in this story is incredible. I love the details you added about the ocean. It made me feel like I was kinda there.
ReplyDeleteWhen I first began reading this story it seemed as though it would simply be about a girl just going through the motions of a routine life and then suddenly finding love. That like any other love it would consume her but nonetheless she would live a happily ever after. However, when I got to the end and realized the turn of events it completely threw me off. The amazing attention to detail in order to give the reader a true sense of what was going on in the story and an idea of how the characters looked really tied this piece together. It was very well-written.
ReplyDeleteLooking just from the title you could tell the story was going to be about someone and I love to hear stories because of how it shows growth and changes throughout the story. However this one was different the main character continued to do the same proactive routine that she did everyday. I love the transition to how the main character stays to herself until she met Melody. The words and the imagery allows us to see what the main character was seeing when describing yr. Also the story grasp you just as Melody was able to pull in the main character
ReplyDeleteI really loved the twist ending and was really caught off guard by it during the first read. On the second time through, I noticed all the foreshadowing and little details that you put into this, and how it all led perfectly to the Sirens. Overall, I enjoyed the work with how creative and well written it was. - Gilberto Diaz
ReplyDeletewhen i saw the title "melody" i immediately thought of music for some reason. But as i read and scanned thoroughly through this piece i felt as if i was actually in the piece. It was very descriptive and had a lot of sense of imagery giving out that spectrum of realism for the audience .
ReplyDeleteAs i scrolled through the title "melody" i automatically thought that the piece was gonna have to do with music. But as i read and scanned through this beautiful piece it gave me a sense of imagery that my spectrum of thought was spread through and realizing so much. It was as if i was in the actual piece. Into the sea and the soothing calming that this piece produces - Alexander Pereyra
ReplyDeleteWhen reading your story, I was very pleased and quite interested all throughout. Your word choice and your ability to draw the reader in with the use of imagery and the detail you used to describe things throughout the story is incredible. It was very well written and I would most definitely read another piece from you. - Danica Aguilar
ReplyDeleteThere was tremendous skill and creativity shown in your choice to introduce the siren as what she herself intends to show victims. I appreciated this especially because of your ability to tell such a descriptive, full story in such brevity: I feel a longer version of this piece wouldn't have achieved the abrupt air your conclusion induced.
ReplyDelete- Andrew Kim
I enjoyed the shift between the simplistic element of the narrator's life to the chaos after Melody entered the narrator's life. What was most intriguing was the comparison between the ocean and Melody's eyes, the ocean can be both calm yet extremely violent and deceitful just like Melody's character is described.
ReplyDeleteAn outstanding ovation for this wonderful work. Not only was the author was able to captivate their audience from the very start with their gentle transition into the story, their gradual change of the story's ambiance from a lackluster normality to a chaotic abmorality further bewitched their audience as they read the story. Along with that, the author's usage of the Sirens and the earlier description of their "small town by the sea" go hand-in-hand to astonish the observers as they watch the demise of the poor narrator.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed reading this so much. I constantly find myself drawn to books that have a hint of a mysterious plot. Which you totally gave. From the imagery to the sounds and touches being described. I was caught in the story and didn't want it to end.
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing in your piece that would suggest the way it was going to end, which is why I love it so much. It was so well-written and had a good amount of imagery and a light-hearted tone, so I was happy right along with your character. Then at the end, everything shifted so fast and ended abruptly, just like how your character died. It was a great story and I enjoyed reading it.
ReplyDelete-Alexis Rosenzweig
The first thing I want to point out is the imagery, Your imagery throughout your story was phenomenal. I enjoyed reading this , the word choice was great and it was really well written.
ReplyDelete-Laila Wright
I enjoyed your story because you shared something personal and because of all the imagery you used. I was able to feel as if I were in the situations and that is what captured me as a reader. I also was very shocked about the unexpected twist at the end and I think it made your piece even better. I really enjoyed reading it! :) - Monica Morales
ReplyDeleteThis has to be my favorite piece from the blog this month for the imagery alone. Your writing had me imagining that I was at the beach at night with my feet in the sand. Your use of detail was incredible, allowing me as a reader to be fully involved in the story and the characters, and as numerous other people have commented, the ending was a surprising twist that I enjoyed.
ReplyDelete—Andrea Sordo
This piece is absolutely outstanding, I feel like this is something that I could read in a full fledged book. The imagery and extreme relatability in having a "mundane" life to it being turned upside down by another, The beach imagery is insanely well written and you can feel as though you are there yourself. Overall, an extremely well written piece.
ReplyDelete-Kendall Jamison
I loved everything about this piece. The use of detail throughout the entirety of the story kept pulling me in, and the word choice helped show the theme of innocence. My favorite part was the twist at the end; at first I was confused at what was going on but when I realized that the speaker drowned it was a fantastic ending. -Trenton Robles
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in this piece was very strong, I could imagine the smell and the sound of the ocean easily as I read.The light hearted tone in the beginning to the abrupt shift at the end added to the surprise. As a lover of mythology the ending was a pleasant shock and left me with goosebumps. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThe usage of imagery is very rich and it allows the reader to experience the effect of the siren. The intro captured me into the beach scene and was able to smell the salty ocean. Loved the piece, very descriptive. - Princess Ortiz
ReplyDeleteThe imagery in this piece is incredible. This was so smoothly written and pulled you in after every sentence.
ReplyDeletePeyton Sorensen
What stuck out to me the most was how you were able to teach a simple lesson to your audience. you cannot judge anything for its beauty, talents or their appearance. No matter how beautiful something may seem, it can possibly be dangerous fro yourself. The amount of Imagery and the soft tone you used was very on point. The Imagery you used gave me a picture of what the Siren looked like and your surroundings. The tone you used was filled with such love and gentleness. This was by far my favorite short story. -Jackie Aguilera
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the simplicity of your sentences, which in return tie into the bigger picture of the contrasting ending. The choice of descriptive diction gives the reader the ability to imagine the setting of the story.
ReplyDeleteThe attention to detail in connecting the type of imagery to the setting and the play on the character's names was really great and added alot of interest in the story. The ocean and beach imagery made feel right in the moment with the speaker. The flow was smooth and I loved the shift in tone and the turn around in the story. - Stephanie Marbun
ReplyDeleteI loved how the use of imagery put me into a different place and how the ending jumped out at me, I wasn't expecting it to be a siren and also how the writer was cut off mid sentence was smart. -James Torres
ReplyDeleteI love the transition between the regular day, and the beginning of where the siren is taking a hold of the speaker. The descriptions and imagery of the town and the ocean are also excellent and really help describe the overall setting for the piece to take place.
ReplyDelete~Chase W.
I thoroughly enjoyed the simplicity of the syntax in your sentences, yet tie into the bigger picture of the contrasting ending. The choice of descriptive diction and imagery give the audience a clear view on how vision the setting of the story in their head. This gives the writing life in a sense of being able to imagine how it plays out in reality.
ReplyDeleteThe vocabulary and use of literary devices were demonstrated greatly, whether it was your use of imagery or personification it allowed me to paint a clear picture of the story in my head. Then the sense of being betrayed at the end of the passage was very strong.
ReplyDelete