With All I Had--Michael

With all I had on my back, I could muster a coin or two worth of lilac. A single blossom is all I asked for. A single flower would suffice my taste, but alas I was too far from the shore and even further from a brush of lilac. How stricken with grief I was then, too young to comprehend and too old to forget. Adrift I had found myself and beyond the measure in which I could go back.
I saw, in the frozen, dismal night a hundred lights fluttering along the shore. They were looking for me, armed with lanterns which burned brighter than the stars in the heavens, but the darkness of night shielded my form from them. I heard them call out into the darkness words of recollection and persuasion but I covered my ears. I knew that if I listened, I’d shed more tears. My heart ached at the thought of leaving them but what other choice did I have?
Perhaps what I did was a reaction of desperation towards selfish dreams. To what horrid desire would I lend my people abandonment. I struggled to understand the consequences of my absence, pondering of what might have been if I hadn’t left. Yet to what use would my musing mind have if the possibilities of life with them were endless. I had made my decision and no powers by man or God could ever prevent my diverging course from the shoreline of stars. A thousand gallons of blackened sea stood between us now, and yet their agony was so mighty that I could sense its compressing nature. Unfortunately, even with all I had, not a single ounce of my being could stand the perpetual torture I recieved. They couldn’t save me if they tried because I wouldn’t let them. It wasn’t by their fault that I performed the heedless action of exalting myself from their lives. For it was in my own self- regarding state that I chose to sail out into the void.
Out here you’re still on my mind. But I’m already beyond the precipice, beyond the point of no return. It’s difficult to withhold my regrets, I’d be a liar if I said otherwise. My greatest regret would have to be that I wasn’t strong enough for you, even with all I had I couldn’t fend off the self induced misery eating away at my heart. I allowed the demons of turmoil to take advantage of my vulnerabilities, my limbs being guided to perform an atrocity against my beloved family and friends. Undoubtedly, I have nothing now, not even enough for a single blossom of lilac.