It was a dark cold Michigan summer afternoon, there were three best friends who had grown up with each other. Their bond was unbreakable, they went to school, church, and played little league sports together. The oldest boy was Xavier, he was who the other two boys; Rodney and Jacob looked up to. However, Xavier was not the kid that your mom or dad liked you hanging around because he was always getting into some type of trouble. Rodney and Jacob were around the same age of 14, while Xavier was turning 16 later that summer. All three of the boys had just returned from football practice and had planned to all go straight home and ask their moms if it was okay for them to spend the night at Xavier’s house. Rodney’s mom had no problem with him staying the night at Xavier’s house. It was Jacob’s mom who was skeptical about letting him spend the night. Her words were “Jacob, you already know how I feel about that boy...But I’m going to let you go anyways, YOU BETTER BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR! You know right from wrong!” Jacob wasn’t really paying attention to what his mom had to say, he was just ecstatic that he was able to spend the night at Xavier’s house with Rodney. Once the boys got the okay from their mothers, Rodney’s mom went to go pick up Jacob to head over to Xavier’s house. Then, the boys were all together it was about 7:00 pm and the boys were starting to get hungry but Xavier’s mom had went to go run errands. Xavier had an older brother that was 18 with a full grown beard and shoulders that looked as if he had football shoulder pads on. The boys told Xavier to go ask his brother if he could take them to go get some food. Xavier’s brother didn’t really want to take the boys to go get food because he had something to do himself but he was heading out anyways to go take care of some “business”. The boys really didn’t know what that meant but they were just glad that they would be getting some food. They ended up having to wait an additional 15 minutes just for Xavier’s brother to get ready to go. Once the boys made it to the car, Jacob leaned forward and asked Xavier’s brother, “Why are you bringing gloves, it is not that cold out?” Xavier’s brother responded “Don’t worry about it youngin, sit back jack.” Rodney had told Jacob before that Xavier’s brother was in a gang, but Jacob did not believe him until now. Xavier’s brother tells the boys that “I gotta go pick up William before I get yall some food.” All three of the boys are sitting in the backseat together, while Xavier’s brother is going pick up William so they could go take care of their “business”. William gets in the front seat, he is very tall and Jacob noticed that he had also brought gloves with him but that wasn’t the only thing William brought. Jacob was able to tell that William had 2 pistols in his pants. Jacob tried to tell Rodney what he had saw but he was so nervous, his heart skipped a beat and he became paranoid but didn’t want to make it seem like he was scared. William made a phone call to some other guys named CJ and David who supposedly were going to be meeting them at “the spot”. The boys are still hungry and just wanted some food and to go back home to play some video games, instead they are stuck with Xavier’s brother and William. When they arrived to
“the spot”, CJ and David were already there parked across the street from this mansion. The boys did not know what was going on or what was about to happen, all they knew was that Xavier’s brother told them “Stay put, we won’t be long... keep the car running.” while he was putting on his gloves. In the meantime, which felt like forever since the boys were hungry, they were just sitting in the back of the car playing rock, paper, scissors trying to wait for Xavier’s brother and William to get back. When all of a sudden a loud BANG went off 2 times and the boys panicked and were frozen. William, CJ, and David came running out of the mansion but Xavier’s brother was nowhere to be found. William got in the driver seat and sped off, Xavier is screaming at William asking him “WHERE IS MY BROTHER? WHERE IS MY BROTHER?...WHAT HAPPENED?” Rodney and Jacob are just sitting there confused and terrified about what had just happened. As William is driving away from the mansion, sirens and flashing lights are flying by going towards the mansion. Xavier is still desperately crying out for answers while Rodney and Jacob remain shook.
That is a down to earth story. It was a nice slice of drama, too. Gloves, too... great attention to detail.
ReplyDeleteGood detail and descriptive words were used. I especially liked the ending, it was unexpected and left the reader wanting more with the cliffhanger.
ReplyDeleteIt is an interesting story and exciting, however there are a few grammar and punctuation mistakes so just make sure to keep that in mind before submitting, but I appreciate the descriptive details to really bring the story to life. -Toby
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you've ever seen Stand By Me or The Goonies, but this story reminded me of an 80s movie where a group of kids face adult challenges or fall into trouble. I like how simple the story started off and how it gradually became more intense and had an unanswered ending, great job. -Alexis Reyes
ReplyDeleteGreat story. All the imagery in the beginning causes foreshadow that keeps the reader reading and then the twist at the end ultimately leads to a closing cliffhanger. Overall its just a very REAL story.
ReplyDeleteMy man Curtis! Great story! I enjoyed all of the details and how you described things throught the story. I kept anticipating what was gonna happen next and I grew more and more into your story. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteGarret Janikowski
Period 4
I loved this piece. I enjoyed reading it all the way until the end and once I reached the end of the story I wanted to continue reading. Nice job using detailed words to have this story even better. Keep up the good work!!
ReplyDelete-Roman Santos
Victoria Ervin
ReplyDeleteGreat story it was very suspenseful. The cliffhanger at the end was good as well. I liked how you gradually build up the story with more suspense.
I enjoyed how you left the reader desperate to know what happened to Xavier's brother, very compelling!
ReplyDeleteIntriguing and climatic story Curtis. I wonder what happened to Xavier's brother. Well done!
ReplyDeleteDang, this was good. I really want to know what happened to Xavier's brother! This story was very detailed and written well enough to emulate real life scenarios. Mysterious ending!
ReplyDeleteGreat descriptions and very well written. I really enjoyed reading the story, it was very interesting and the ending was my favorite part. Great work!!
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting perspective and story. The detail you included in your story makes even something insignificant interesting to read.
ReplyDeleteYour story definitely kept me intrigued as I read more and more. I appreciate the amount of details you used in order to help readers visualize the story better. Awesome job :) -Mackenzie M.
ReplyDeleteGreat job Curtis, this story was so realistic! - Sofia Rosales
ReplyDeleteThis was really interesting read! It kept me on my toes and wanting to read more. Great Job!
ReplyDeleteThis story really had me on the edge of my seat, just thinking of all the things that could have went so wrong. The part where you could tell he was armed seriously gave me a mini mental mental break down I was super into the story!
ReplyDelete-Maria Rosa
This story was very intriguing and fun to read. I enjoyed the avid amount of detail you put into the story, and how you used capitalization in order to represent the screeming. The ending left a lot to the imagination, I believe this makes the story even more enjoyable.
ReplyDelete-jacob smith
This was a great story. The description and imagery within this story was definitely well said which made me want to continue reading. Great job Curtis!
ReplyDeleteVery intriguing story Curtis! I felt very intrigued to get reading deeper and deeper in the story. I like the sensory details you used to help the reader (me) get a better picture of the setting and characters.
ReplyDeleteI liked your Story Curtis, it had good detail and it kept me wondering what happened to Xavier's brother. Good job
ReplyDeleteI was immediately drawn to the title due to the irregular capitalizations in the word. The imagery and detail employed allowed to visualize the scenarios Xavier, Rodney and Jacob were in. I was completely immersed in your story and was craving more at the end!
ReplyDeleteWOW hahaha that was a crazy story ! I like how you presented so much detail while at the same time presented a moral lesson to be learned, that listenting is very important and that one should take in what their authority figures tell them because it can really make a difference in one's fate and destiny. - Alexia
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