Burned
Singeing and fleeing. The burns
across his face made him hardly recognizable. It was almost in an instant that
he was burned. Orlando was working diligently at the factory. He heard a faint,
clinging noise across the building, quite unusual, but nonetheless he
disregarded it. Cling. Cling. It was getting closer, and he continued to ignore
the noise. Orlando looked up and didn’t have more than two seconds to dart
away. The flames rose up in a flash, not
knowing exactly what to do, Orlando bolted for freedom. On the way out of the
factory’s emergency exit, he tripped incautiously over a pipe and fell
face-first into the concrete floor. The flames reached him swiftly, and they
seared his face, and he screamed with agony as he tried to get onto his feet.
The fire was still rushing, not exactly in his direction anymore, but around
the different areas of the building. People were running for their lives toward
exits across the concrete, some climbing wall-ladders to upper stories. The
closest emergency exit seemed miles away, luckily he quickly spotted a ladder
no more than six feet from his. He darted toward the ladder and climbed to the
next story. Orlando saw Angelica cowered in the corner adjacent to him, her
knees to her chest, and tears streaming down her cheeks. It seemed as if she
thought these were her last moments. Lando, a coworker, was running across the
room and he also saw Angelica. Before he was able to make his move, a large
ball of fire whisked him into the concrete wall and he slid down the
ladder-shoot to the numerous stories below, unconscious, and probably dead. She
screamed with anxiety and fear that this really was her last moment. Orlando
seized his final opportunity, seeing that the shoot and the vents were glowing
more orange by the second. He dashed to her side, grabbed her by the waist and
took to the nearest door. With relief, the door lead to an empty stairwell. He
put her down, and grabbed her hand and together they darted up through the six
landings until they at last reached the roof of the factory. They stopped and
watched down below. All this time, the fire had rushed out into the streets,
people were running for their lives, some unfortunately horribly burned; the
fire had reached other buildings as well, cars were on fire, smoke was thick in
the air. Orlando turned round to see Angelica: she was weeping. “What are we
going to do?” she asked him gloomily. Orlando paused to think. He looked at
her. She seemed to not notice his burns. She was so beautiful to him. He looked
into her eyes and noticed she was in terrible pain. He took her by the hand,
and lowered his head a few inches, and then he kissed her. He told Angelica in
his softest and most reassuring voice: “Angelica, do not worry. Everything is
going to be just fine.”
Darn Angelica!! I wanted her to get up and run or just do something instead of crying. Cool story though :)
ReplyDeleteWow I love how love prevailed in your work. I hope that they survive the fire (if you write a part 2, hopefully). I also love how it was fast paced at the beginning and then it slowed down in the love scene, it made me really get into it. Great Job :)
ReplyDeleteHave you thought of writing more? Or at least something along similar lines as this? This grabbed my attention and inspired my imagination immediately from start to finish!
ReplyDeleteThanks Dr. Cocova! I shall write more. I may possibly write a Part 2.
DeleteThis was so intense! It makes we wonder if they really are going to be okay since the plot seems so horrible and terrifying! Good job, the imagery was great!
ReplyDeleteWho's to say? ;)
DeleteThis is so nicely written! The moment between them was so perfect. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWoah, woah okay. Woah. First impression, fire haha but really great plot Tryston I'm curious as to the time period and origin of these flame balls whisking people away, if you'd care to elaborate. Also was the p.o.v. somewhat 3rd person omniscient but majorly focusing on Orlando. Also such funky names, aha but i dig it. Was Lando short for Orlando, that would be crazy two Orlandos what would Angelica do?! My last question: But will it be fine Orlando? Will it? Thank you for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteSarrah, the time period is early 50s, and the mystery to the balls of flame, how they formed, and where they came from, something you'll have to find out in the next part. Lando is definitely short for Orlando, but I shortened it for no confusion. And who's say who'll be fine? ;)
DeleteTwisted, but cute little love story. I want to know what happens next!
ReplyDelete- Hannah Mueller (12) per. 3
Wow that was intense. This story makes me want to read more because now I am curious to find out if everything will actujally be alright. I like how you brought both action and romance into it. Good use of imagery too because I could actually picture everything that was going on.
ReplyDeleteI will indeed be writing more. :)
DeleteOkay, I had a Clark Kent and Lois Lane moment. I love the hero aspect of the story. I liked the suspence
ReplyDeletebrehh. what happens next, anyways this was fun to read too. the whole thing just made me think of fire. such good imagery.
ReplyDeleteWwo great story! very entralling and that last part of really great! Too bad the one guy had to die, but I hope they were able to make it out okay!:)
ReplyDeleteI see that fire plays a huge role and the suspense was literally killing me because I didn't want them to die.
ReplyDeleteAhaha, unfortunately sometimes, sacrifices must be made.
DeleteThe intensity of this piece is so great! I love the use of fire! The description is fantastic! I loved it!
ReplyDeleteSo suspenseful but adorable too! I loved it! Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece gave me chills I wanted to keep reading
ReplyDeleteMy heart was racing out of my chest the entire time I was reading this piece! The suspense was intense and I kept wanting to take a peak at the end of the story to see how it ended! You kept me wanting to read on, which is excellent and I loved the contrast of the danger and suspense and fear that is portrayed throughout a majority of the piece with the tenderness and softness that Orlando shows Angelica at the end of the story. Ugh, pulling at my heart strings!
ReplyDeleteThis was interesting story you created, confusing at times but good nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteAwh man this was so crazy! Was the fire alive or something? It kind of sucks though how it seems like everything is gonna be consumed by this fire lol plus they're on the roof of a burning building I don't see how it'll be fine, good story though had my attention the whole time, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteThis was very suspenseful it seemed like this piece could be in a movie or something. Great Story. You are a very well-written writer good job.
ReplyDeleteReally interesting suspenseful story! The fire adds that frightful effect that separates this from a usual simple love story because I see it as a catalyst to have character development into courageous figures. Really awesome job! Make an extra submission to resolve it!
ReplyDeleteThe intensity was intense! And the burns... the burns!! Good work!
ReplyDeletethis was so cute!!! i loved it! i love story lines like this! it was suspenseful and so romantic and cute ! whata gentleman Orlando is!Great job! your imagery was perfect!
ReplyDeleteFor such an intense piece and so much stress throughout the story, I loved the romantic twist that you gave. It relieved some of the tension and made it a very enjoyable piece.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, suspenseful and seemingly impending doom. I see no other way out of their little predicament there. Especially if they are on the roof but are you going for a love-can-conquer-all type of plot here? Crazy but cool!
ReplyDeleteJust wow. Everyone's use of the word "intense" sums it up. This piece was extremely vivid to me, good job.
ReplyDeletewait that's it?! did they jump to their death? did they live? WHAT THE HECK MAN I WAS SO INTO THAT. amazing job. amazing. want more. need more. le sigh~
ReplyDeleteI loved your descriptions of the fire and the heat as well as the softness of Angelica within it all! Nicely done :)
ReplyDeleteNicely written and very intense!! Good Job!!
ReplyDeleteYO! So he liked her? or what? Super great, write more!
ReplyDeleteI love that you wrote an action story,but added that romance in the end. Girls really do just want someone to tell them "Everything is going to be fine.", but a lot of times guys don't know what to do or say to ease their anxiety and Orlando knew just what to do and say. Plus when you said Orlando, I automatically pictured Orlando Bloom ;) Good Work Tryston!
ReplyDeleteThis is so suspenseful! Great Job!
ReplyDeletefeels like harry potter bro. what a magnificent piece of verbal art you got here.
ReplyDeleteI liked the progression of the story where it begins with a potential tragic event and ends with a romantic one. Orlando and Angelica do no end up in flames and instead begin in a fiery relationship. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteMan are intense stories a joy to read...this was really well done Tryston!
ReplyDeleteWow I really like all the suspense and the actions, I pictured it all in my head like a movie and it leaves a great opening to a bigger story. Great job :)
ReplyDeletei like the fire and the person doing the fire those were my favorite characters. and i wish angelica died, as she did nearly cause Orlando death
ReplyDeleteThis poem was the most intense out of them all, I think that is why it is my favorite.
ReplyDeleteNicely written! I liked your use of imagery.
ReplyDeleteAww that was so cute. This was a very sweet story. It was pretty intense but then it had a happy ending of course.
ReplyDeletegood job really en
ReplyDeletewritten so great that i wanted to read more! I was interested immediately when I began reading and did not want it to end! Good job Tryston!
ReplyDeleteintense I felt like i had to be on my toes and my heart beating along with them good job (:
ReplyDeletethis was great it was suspenseful and intense at the same time
ReplyDeleteWas the fire a symbol of their blooming love? I feel like it was...but anyway, great job I really enjoyed this story.
ReplyDeleteBlaaahhh i hate not so happy endings, atleast orlando came in time to save her and gave her possibly 5 more minutes of her life, it was very nice to see him care and "save" her instead of himself even though this is just a fictional character.. i was hoping for a firefighter to come to the rescue but at least he got a kiss farewell.. great job
ReplyDelete