Confusion--Mark

 

     To correctly encapsulate the meaning of Confusion, stated directly from the Merriam Webster Dictionary, “the quality of state of being confused.” Now if you didn’t know what the actual root of the word meant, you would be confused. Confuse means, “being perplexed or disconcerted” To put into simple terms, being unaware or unclear of what is going on. When you think of confusion, you may believe it entails multiple degrees of it, ranging from low amounts to high amounts of it. Either way, a soft disconnect has ruptured the brain that temporarily changes the way we think. Confusion could also act as a catalyst that can infuse different emotions, like happiness, anxiousness, and even determination.. The inability to comprehend a situation can invoke feelings that are positive, and also so negative to its varying degrees. You could have said something that can upset someone and they block you, or get mad at you. Are they still my friend? Is their view on me tainted? Am I thinking too much? I didn’t need them anyways! This is a prime example of the various amounts of thought processes that can come from confusion. 

     I used to always hang out with my best friend, back in sophomore year. Our interests were aligned and we would always enjoy the presence of each other. During the summer, he would completely stop communicating to me out of the blue. What? Why? I started spamming messages like “are you ok?” “What happened?” No response. I lifted the covers out of my bed and trotted towards my mirror. Anxious thoughts filled my brain because I was confused about what happened. He would always respond to me, I would always respond to him; surely I didn’t do anything. Junior year arrived and I was talking to my friend group, to where in the corner of my eye I saw him. I dropped the milk in my hands, “What happened to him?” I exclaimed. (You may be asking why I dropped the milk out of hands, I couldn't tell you, but maybe I could, but you’ll never know.) He wasn’t joyful like he used to be, and he looked really depressed and had low energy. My confusion eventually lead to guilt, because I was contemplating that I caused this new version of him, one that was void of light, one that shined away the things he used to love. Instead of socializing with his friend group like he used to, he was sitting at the bench, not even on his phone or reading a book, he was laying his head down and had a saddened look on his face. I kept beating myself over it, “I had to have caused this.” I uttered to myself that whole morning. Ever since that day we had never spoken again and I have completely moved on from the guilt I had filled myself with, but even to this day I am still confused about what happened. I constantly wonder what went on during that summer for him to have changed completely. It's possible he just stopped liking me, but that wouldn’t explain his overall mood change and loss of joy. Right? You tell me? 

     The Human psyche is very difficult to understand as there is a plethora of emotions that can be computed and why it happens. But one feeling that is prominent with most feelings you receive is confusion. You know it's actually funny, a quote I found from a professor from Chaffey College states “uncertainty is the most stressful thing.” I mean yea, of course it is, why would it not. We all have the desire for certainty as it is simply a part of human nature. You will never not be interested in something that is unknown to you. The mental anguish and instability attaches to our mind when we enter the unknown, whether it be positive; making us ecstatic, or negative; down right fearfulness. Ultimately, the feeling of confusion can often get very confusing, but it should be accepted with open arms as it is a very valuable human feeling that can lead to many things either comprehendible or not. Confusion shouldn’t be seen as a negative thing, but as a way to grow and to learn and to explore the world on a deeper level. We use it everyday in our lives, thus making us take it for granted. When my friend stopped hanging out with me and completely changed, at first I was upset, but then I realized this was a crucial moment for self reflection and growth that I can explore further. Fullfillment and accomplishment can’t happen, unless one has accepted the unknown.