The Real Her--Paola

 

Julia’s last words to her first love were, “And even if we grow into our separate ways in the future, I’ll be okay with that because as long as you want that and you’re happy, that’s good enough for me. That’s good enough for me forever.” He had stopped responding to her letters and she grew worried seeing that he was in such a perilous situation and there was a distance thousands of miles that separated them. The nineteen letters were all she had left. It may have been an extreme delay in time, but with the accumulation of each letter, she came to know Jaime very well. And with that, her love for him grew and deepened.

But, it was evident that she had changed. With him, she didn’t know how to behave and therefore who to be, so she said and did things she wouldn’t typically say or do. Hence, with the passage of time, she didn’t know how to separate being the ideal girl for Jaime from her friendships and familial relations. But, as she did everything in her power to be perfect even under the most imperfect circumstances and dysfunctional connections, the acts began to fade into each other and became a part of her. But Julia didn’t know that because at this point, it felt natural.

The days without word from him turned into months and finally, into a year. He was supposed to be granted a few breaks, yet she never received a visit, let alone a call. She decided that he truly didn’t love her and that she had to move on with her life.

Five months later, she had gone out with her best friend, Margot. They roamed their local mall when a boy had approached her. She had seen him around school and remembered that he was from the trailer park and did not have good intentions. His name was Liam.

“May I take you out, gorgeous?” Sure, he sounded charming, but it derived from nothing more than lust.

“No, sorry.”
“Why?”
“I’m not sure I’m obligated to provide you with a reason,” Julia teased. She continued to

walk past him with Margot grinning alongside her, but was immediately stopped by Liam who ran up in front of them.

“Wait. Come on. Just once, and if you never want to see me again, then okay.”
“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to.”
However, Julia was taken aback upon hearing, “fine. I’ll just lay here until you say yes.”

The street had been empty. No cars in sight. And Liam laid down in the middle of the road, waiting for the response he desired.

“That isn’t going to work, you know.”
“I don’t know. It just might.”
“I don’t appreciate you mocking me and for that, I don’t intend on helping you out.” “Okay, have a nice day.” She walked away with Margot, seemingly bothered, but

suddenly slowed her pace and turned around. He was still laying there. She continued to walk, until she heard a car approaching. She and Margot immediately ran back.

“Get out of the street! What’s wrong with you?” The car continued without having seen him, yet he stayed put.

“I told you. You have to go on a date with me.”

“Just get up!”
“Not until you say it. Say you’ll go out with me.”
The car was coming closer. “Fine, fine I will!”
“You will what?”
“I will go on a date with you!”
The car was so close, but Liam was able to jump up and run onto the sidewalk in time.

Although breathless, he was able to say, “meet me at the park by school tomorrow at three o’clock.” He smiled and was soon on his way.

The next day, Julia arrived at the park. In the distance, she saw him. He had been sitting on a blanket with a picnic basket next to him, and stood up when he realized that she had been approaching. He smiled and told her to sit. “You look really pretty,” he told her. They spoke and laughed for hours. And to much of her surprise, she enjoyed her time with him.

Soon enough, they could not go a week without seeing each other. And then, days. He wasn’t the trouble-maker that people said he was. At least not with her. He treated her as though his world revolved around her and cherished her as though she were the girl he was looking for his entire life.

One day, Liam arrived at her house with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. She received them with the widest smile, and embraced him while trying to make sure she would remember all of the details from that moment. But, Liam made his intentions perfectly clear that day.

After laughing at a few of his jokes, he became serious and said, “if I’m being completely honest, I wasn’t taking you and I seriously. I didn’t want to hurt you, but I didn’t think we would continue talking after two weeks.” Julia’s heart dropped. He continued, “and I don’t think this talking thing is working out anymore. I’m sorry.”

She sank into her seat and couldn’t look him in the eyes. Her face felt hot and she, helpless. What would she do now when she had already fallen so irrevocably in love with him? He then took her hand and looked into her eyes, saying, “it’s not working out for me because I want you to be my girlfriend. Will you be my girlfriend?”

She didn’t say a word, but she nodded her head while tears swelled in her eyes and she smiled. He hugged her and whispered, “you inspire me to wake up in the morning. You don’t understand. I felt emotionless before I met you, but you changed me. You bring so much happiness to my life - my life that I can’t imagine without you in it.”

She could do nothing more but smile. He moved back so that he could hold both of her hands and look into her eyes. “You’re perfect and I love you.” He kissed her on the cheek, stood up, and extended his arm towards her. She took his hand and before she knew it, they were dancing under the stars in her backyard as he slowly hummed the song ​Isn’t she lovely​ by Stevie Wonder.

Days later, they had gone on a walk in the afternoon and were on their way back to her house. Upon seeing a figure she knew sitting on her porch with flowers in his hand, Julia froze in disbelief that Jaime had returned to her. In utter shock, she questioned, “Jaime? What are you doing here?”

“I came back to you. That was my promise, wasn’t it?” Liam interrupted, “who’s this?”
Julia responded, “this is Jaime.”

Jaime looked uneasy as he asked, “well, who’s that?”

Julia uncomfortably admitted, “this is my boyfriend, Liam.” She looked intently into Jaime’s once hopeful eyes that now were not.

“No! You told me you would never stop loving me! You promised me that.”

“Well, you never wrote me back and you didn’t come back to me when you said you would! What was I supposed to do, wait for you? This has happened too many times even before you left. I’m tired of waiting. I feel like that’s all I ever did in our relationship! And I wasn’t going to sit there like a fool wondering what I did wrong when I know I didn’t!”

“We weren’t allowed to send any more mail for some time, but I came back like I said I would. I haven’t given up on us. I still won’t.”

“I’m not the person you fell in love with. I don’t know who she was and I don’t want to go through that again.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?” He looked over to Liam and punched him in the jaw. Liam shoved him into the floor, about to strike him, until Julia pushed him off. When they stood up, Julia got in between them before they could hurt each other further. And although both of them genuinely loved her and she knew it, it didn’t matter because in the end, she knew who her ​true​ heart had belonged to.

Julia never danced at parties, because she felt embarrassed and judged. She always said what she thought others wanted to hear instead of what she wanted to say. She tried to soften her laugh because it was too loud, too obnoxious. She tried, she tried, and she tried. And because of that, she cried, she denied, and she lied to herself. But with ​him​, she didn’t have to do that. She had found and embraced herself with​him,​ and never wanted to lose herself again.

She looked over to Liam and gave him the look that said it all. He smiled and sighed with relief.