Nalani’s eyes were squeezed shut. It’ll be okay, she thought to herself. After all, Zain and Taj had done so well on their first try. Why should there be any reason the elders would fail her? She took in a deep breath of the salty ocean air and stepped onto the warm, silty sand. There they sat, watching her every step. Each of the 8 elders sat on unique, handcrafted royal seats that came to life. Each seat represented the different cultures and traditions of the 8 tribes of the Midant kingdom that each elder hailed from. When she finally finished the trek from the edge of the sand to the platform before the elders, Ekkon, the chief elder, beckoned for her to step down and approach the council. As she approached them, Nalani noticed the weathered expressions on their faces. Not a word had been spoken, but Nalani was simply overcome with the power they commanded with their mere presence. Nalani now stood less than a meter away from where Ekkon sat. She took a quick, sweeping glance at the elders who sat in a semi circle around her now. Ekkon studied her complexion. He stayed silent for what seemed like ages to Nalani. After his thorough inspection, he stood up and chanted, “Kama miungu inavyoweka nuru na giza, mvua na moto, wacha wakupe neema na nguvu ya kuonyesha uwezo katika uchawi wa hofu.” Dayo, the elder furthest to Nalani’s right, closed her eyes. After muttering a few words, the chyrene that she wore around her neck began to glow. A flame had been summoned into her hand. With it, she lit the sacred leutika, whose immense smoke and powerful scent overwhelmed Nalani’s senses. She fought against the weariness, refusing to embrace it. After struggling for about a half minute, Nalani collapsed to the ground and didn’t move.
When she came to her senses, a voice whispered in Nalani’s head, “Ibada itaanza sasa.” S he sat up and looked around. The council of elders and the ocean had vanished. They’d been replaced with a clearing in the jungle. 5 meters away from her were the ruins of an ancient Midant altar. She approached it, enamored by its rustic and mystified essence. It was nothing more than a vines grown over a stone table with ancient carvings, but Nalani knew exactly the power Mtoaji Wa Nguvu possessed; the power it both gave and took away. She took off the chyrene from around her neck and placed it in the similarly-shaped, hexical hole in its side. Nalani noted how different her chyrene looked from Dayo’s. The elder’s chyrene was colored with a brilliant and saturated blue complexion. Nalani’s was dull and colorless, but if all went well in the next hour, she knew it would turn green, indicating her status as a Mwanzilishi.
After she entered her chyrene into the rune-like pillar, the ground began to rumble. She whirled around and that’s when she saw the black mzuka contorting into different objects and sizes. She readied herself for the imminent attack. Suddenly, the mzuka turned into a humongous wave that began to crash into the jungle clearing. Nalani panicked. She’d heard the stories, but didn’t actually believe that the mzuka would actually take on the form of her greatest fear. “Where is all this water coming from?! We’re in the middle of the jungle!”, s he thought. That didn’t stop the water from flowing, however. It kept coming and didn’t seem like it would stop any time soon. Oddly, the water only filled the clearing, but did not extend into the actual forest. The trees seemed to act as some sort of barrier, causing the water level to rise within the clearing. Soon enough, Nalani no longer touched the ground and instead was having to tread water to stay above the surface. She tried swimming through the barrier of trees, but to her dismay, her efforts were in vain. Whatever force that had been preventing the water from leaving the clearing was also preventing Nalani from escaping. Nalani’s muscles began to grow weary. Every kick seemed to expend so much energy. The more she panicked, the more she felt like she was getting pulled under. Eventually, she couldn’t kick any longer. Nalani took one last gulp of air and began to sink to the depths of the water. “Here”, s he thought, “is where I die.”
Nalani kept descending and everything she saw gradually grew darker. However, when she caught a glimpse of her chyrene at the bottom of the water, she remembered everything she’d learned in training. Nalani closed her eyes. She couldn’t breathe, but that did not scare her. Instead, Nalani embraced the water. It had a flow, an energy, that she began to feel synonymous with. The water did not control her, nor her, it. Rather, Nalani and the water coexisted as one. She no longer felt the despair of drowning. A voice bellowed,“Inuka.”T hewaterdissipatedandNalanibegantofallbacktowardstherune.Shekept accelerating towards the ground but only 10 meters away, she took control and summoned a wave to slow down her descent. When she finally reached the ground, she realized that the altar had transformed. It still held the same supernatural complexion, but rather than look beaten and ancient, the altar flourished with marble and gold. Nalani’s chyrene was gone. She placed her finger where it once was and suddenly everything was dark again.
When Nalani awoke, she was back in front of the elders. But rather than seeing preparations for a ceremony to celebrate her completion of her test, the elders were arguing in a heated discussion. Behind her, she saw her family amongst the rest of her tribe, horrified and in shock. Confused, Nalani looked down at her chyrene. Rather than turn green, her crystal-like necklace had turned yellow. The blood drained from Nalani’s face. The last time a Nabii w as declared was thousands of years ago. Everyone knew the prophecy of the four Midant Nabiis. These individuals were the highest ranking Midants, determined by their capabilities and performance during their Trial of Fear. This power came directly from the gods. Nabiis didn’t need their chyrenes to summon energy from their fears. And as everyone knew, the prophecy told that four Nabiis would permanently alter the course of the Midant kingdom’s future.
Two Nabiis h ad already passed and two were to come --before Nalani’s trial, at least. The last two Nabiis superseded the elders in rank and ruled the Midants for centuries. However, one Nabii grew hungry for more power and attempted to murder his fellow Nabii to assume full control of the kingdom. The greedy Nabii delivered false promises to the tribes and summoned many followers. The other tribes saw through the greedy Nabii’s l ies and sided with the innocent Nabii. The country had fallen into chaos and a civil war broke out. The war was devastating to the Midants and it took them 4 centuries to rebuild, even with the magic powers that each Mwanzilishi had. And now Nalani stood with a yellow chyrene, the mark of a Nabii.
Ekkon was the first of the elders to realize that the teenager had returned. He rapidly raised his hand, indicating for the rest of the elders to silence their arguments. He commanded for Nalani to be returned to her family. She would be forced to stay in their hut until the elders had made a decision on the future of the kingdom. After all, she was just a teenager and couldn’t be expected to understand how to fully command a nation. Nalani felt the weight of members of each tribe gazing upon her during her trek towards her family. When she reached him, her father, Roke, gave her a fervent hug and whispered to her that everything was going to be okay. Surrounded by her family, they walked home.
The following morning, the elders gathered to discuss how they should handle the new Nabii. The previous Nabii had been assigned when they were 30 and 27, respectively. Nalani was simply a child compared to them. They determined that they would break tradition of handing over the reigns of the kingdom to the Nabii immediately and instead, they’d allow Nalani to sit in on elder discussions until she was of age to take control. When Nalani and her family were informed of the elder’s decision, her parents were elated and approved of their jurisdiction. Nalani, however, was angered and was furious that she wasn’t being given her full rights. She blamed Ekkon for being greedy with his power and as the reason she wasn’t eligible to rule straight away. She sent a message back to the elders, informing them that she would challenge Ekkon in ritual combat. Nalani was eager to eliminate Ekkon as a potential enemy standing in her way to power.
Weeks later, Ekkon and Nalani were set to battle. After hours of ferocious fighting, as a result of his advanced age, Ekkon succumbed to Nalani’s strength and conceded his spot as an elder. Nalani ascended as monarch of the Midant’s and thus began the Dark Ages of the Midant’s history...
This was a great piece. It was very action-packed and ironic because I did not expect Nalani to switch up like that in the end. Great work!
ReplyDelete-Layna Griffith
Loved it! Fiction and action are two of my favorite genres, put them together and you make a masterpiece. Good job!
ReplyDelete-Caitlin Munar
This was a nicely constructed piece I must say. The world you created was seriously interesting and I couldn't stop reading! Great job!! - Sean Yutuc
ReplyDeleteThe wording you used was very impacting throughout the story! I love how you explained everything with precise detail.-Aidan Tapia
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing! I loved the plot of the story it was very interesting, I enjoyed reading it. Great job!
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good fictional story, I was hooked on every sentence. I love how the person we were rooting for turned out to be a villain in the history of their world. The way you established the basic lore in such little writing was amazing. This is just my opinion so take it with a grain of salt, but I honestly feel like this could be an actual series of books. I don't know if you wrote this because you had to or if this is something that you are truly passionate about writing, but I honestly feel like this short story is worth being fleshed out into an actual series. Once again, it's just my opinion, but this was a really good story and you have every right to be proud of yourself! -Ronneth Kennedy
ReplyDeleteSo um, when are you releasing the full book? In all seriousness this was a very well put together piece and I especially liked the plot twist towards the end. :D
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ReplyDelete-Aubrey Peterson
I really love how your imagination ran wild it this piece. I had a very good time reading it and loved how different it was from the rest. Good job because this piece was beautifully written.
ReplyDelete-Keke Pandher
This could be a full out novel. The amount of description and overall imagination used to create this made it a true masterpiece. I love this type of literature, and could totally read more. -Marissa Rivera
ReplyDeleteYour story was absolutely amazing! I loved how you had an original idea and was able to create a plot that went in unexpected ways. It was super interesting to read and I never saw the ending coming! Great job!!(:
ReplyDeleteYour story was spectacular! In such a short time you developed an immense lore for the piece which influences the character interactions in amazing ways. You have amazing talent. This piece was interesting to read and I wish there even more. - Caden Minniefield
ReplyDeleteI really loved your story, it was very interesting especially because I love this genre of stories. This had a great story line and really great ending. Amazing Job!
ReplyDelete-Rebekah Diaz
I adored your blog and how it was a real life fictional story. The dialogue was written really beautifully, as I felt I was reading some dystopian novel. Great job!-Kylie Ornelas
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