I check my watch for the fourth time today. Ten-Forty. Third period. Smack dab in
the middle of SSR. “How can time move any slower?” I think to myself, as I stare at the clock, putting every ounce of willpower into moving the hour hand forward with just my eyes. I quickly give up, thinking about how stupid I must look right now. Minutes, stretched out like eons, finally pass, and SSR is finally over. Breathing a sigh of relief, I tell myself that I can do it, and that the worst is finally over, school is almost out! Little did I know, the worst was about to make its debut. Suddenly, my body and mind is overtaken by an overbearingly monotone voice. I frantically search for the source of this terrible noise, and discover that my teacher is the cause! This mind-numbing sound was enough to put a horse to sleep, definitely too much for one man to bear. Soon, my senses begin to stall, my body and head begin to feel heavy, and before I know it, my eyes close. When they open again, I glance at the clock and notice the time. “Two Fifty-Five? Time to go!” I exclaim, as I race out of the classroom towards the parking lot so that I can finally go home. I hop on the freeway and slam on the gas to race home. Not even a full 5 minutes after I leave, flashing red and blue lights appear behind me. “Damn,” I think to myself. “My mom is gonna kill me.” As the cop comes to my window, he begins screaming to my face, and demands my license and registration. “DO YOU KNOW WHY I STOPPED YOU!?”, The cop asks me. I reply no, and what he responds with stuns me: “NO SLEEPING IN CLASS” the cop exclaims. Confused, I asked what he meant by that. “NO SLEEPING IN CLASS!”, he yells. With a loud yelp, I shoot up from my desk and look around in a confused daze to see my third period period class
and teacher staring right back at me. “No sleeping in class, Benjamin,” my teacher
explains to me in his monotone voice. “I don’t wanna have to give you another detention
again this week.”
I enjoyed how you dramatized sleeping in class and the length of SSR. The story built a lot of suspense until the end. In the end the dream was very unexpected and it was interesting. - Nathan
ReplyDeleteThis gives an entertaining view of something that can easily happen. I liked the twist at the end.-Katryna Kerth
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed your piece Ben. I enjoyed how you show us that it seems as if it's the end of the day and somehow it was made worse by being pulled over, but in reality, it was only a dream. Love that twist at the end. Great job!
ReplyDeleteYour story is relatable which was great.The suspense really built it up. As I was reading the story I could feel the dread as every minute passed slowly. And great description of the teacher being portrayed as a loud siren.-Kyra perry
ReplyDeleteI like how you incorporated the dream inside the story and gave a twist to it. Good job of using detailing and figurative language to build on the plot twist in the story.-Rafael
ReplyDeleteThe plot leading up to the ending perfectly depicts the feeling a high school student might feel throughout the day, except you presented it in an intriguing way.
ReplyDeleteThe use of imagery and setting draws the reader into your story as it creates an interesting scenario that all students can relate to. Also, I love the twist you did at the end.
ReplyDeleteThe length of this piece is just perfect to further dramatize the situation. The dream-like aspect builds the story and attracts it to the punchline of the whole story. Very nice job!
ReplyDeleteThis piece is one of the most relate able and hilarious ones that I have ever read. I love you used the details like the monotone voice of the teacher because that is really true with some teachers. Nice and entertaining piece ben!! - Christopher Vergara
ReplyDeleteHow the story starts as something realistic in SSR to realizing its a dream was a very creative way of storytelling. This short story was very interesting and detailed.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed this piece, and it makes sense that others of our age would as well. Your method of incorporating an abnormal dream into an account of a mundane process that high school students can relate to was a clever narrative choice on your part.
ReplyDelete- Andrew Kim
Ben, the rich usage of imagery allowed me to feel as if I was a student. You conveyed such great description resulting the reader to experience the story. I enjoyed the dream setting and used it as a vehicle to change the plot.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed the rich imagery throughout the piece as I could really feel the excruciatingly painful length of SSR. This piece was short and simple but the detail of the dream made the short piece seem much longer. It was very smart of you to end the story with your teacher warning you about another detention becauee it really ties everything back to reality and implies that this is a recurring problem.
ReplyDelete-Andrea Sordo
This was a very entertaining and relatable piece. I really liked the way that you transitioned from your reality into the dream. Your use of imagery was amazing, It made it easy to feel the sense of defeat of being pulled over by the the police officer. I also believe that you wrote a good ending it didn't end abruptly it tied into the beginning of the story. - Taja Moore
ReplyDeleteThe way you wrote this story drew me in very quickly. Your obsession to get over SSR is very easy to relate to and it really drew me in deeper. The twist at the end was not obvious at the beginning nut it was a welcomed surprise to be sure. -Trenton Robles
ReplyDeleteI really liked how you utilized senses, especially sound in order to intrigue the audience and relate to them. The detail was very good and honestly very relatable for me some days. Amazing Job Ben!
ReplyDeleteSo far, this has been one of my favorite pieces, as it is the most relatable. I enjoyed how accurate this work conveyed the feeling of the struggle to stay awake, even though deep down, we know we will lose the battle to sleep. It was also interesting to see how the piece followed the format of a dream where abnormal occurrences seem normal, such as jumping forward in time a few hours, and having a police officer scream at you for no reason. -- Gilberto Diaz
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this! Your story was extremely captivating. I especially love the rich detail you included. I know I have definitely felt this way before many times, and reading the detail in your story was able to transport me back those times. Great job!
ReplyDelete-Destiny
HAHAHA!!! I loved it! First, I totally get it, and relate to it. Which I think is a product of your storytelling ability. You used very normal words and it almost felt that you were relating to me a funny tale as we sat on a bench. I enjoyed it! - Ethan M.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed how utterly realistic and relatable your piece is especially to the sleep deprived american teenager. Your use of descriptive diction made me feel as if I was the character in class experiencing this awful feeling more than once a day,
ReplyDeleteHow funny! This is definitely a piece that stands out from most of the others that have been published so far simply because of your display of imagination and comedy. A good refresher and definitely got a laugh from me.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful work this was. I really enjoyed how comical the story was along with the plentiful amount of descriptive words that you used to convey your boredom in class. Along with that, your desciption of your dream along with the ending of the piece was very fun to read. Nice job once again.
ReplyDeleteComical piece and was funny to read. Good change of pace and a very simple but intriguing piece.
ReplyDeleteThe exaggerations of slow time and the teacher's monotone voice made the piece really entertaining! The dream with the police officer and the twist was clever. This is relatable to a lot of students at your school too. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how this piece appealed to the audience and successfully created ties with such. The piece was also comical as well.
ReplyDeleteThis piece was fun! The use of imagery and the rising tension to the ending had me hooked the whole time, along with the relatable premise of the story.
ReplyDelete-Kahea DePonte